Shocking news coming out of the ASP ranks disrupts 2009 season.
April 1, 2009, 12:49 PM
By: Jake Howard
CJ and Damien Hobgood, just two good, old boys never meanin' no harm.
Over the course of the last 24 hours news has trickled in that the upper ranks of the ASP Dream Tour are being torn apart by controversy, indecision, and tragic changes of heart. Just when it looked like we were in for a hell of a world title race in 2009, Kelly, Bede, and the Hobgoods have all thrown a monkey wrench into things.
It all started when CJ Hobgood's new sponsor, Wonder Bread, allegedly issued a statement to the press that neither CJ nor Damien would be surfing at Bells, or any other stops on tour this year. Citing a change of heart and that they "just want to get back to their Florida roots," the twin brothers have returned to Florida to pursue a career in NASCAR. Apparently over the last couple weeks the two have been repeatedly overheard babbling about "shaking and baking." While it's not clear exactly what this means, it has been confirmed that they "just wanna drive fast."
He may be a good politican, but can Barack make Kelly's glass slipper work?
The Sunshine State has been hit especially hard by this latest wave of controversy. 9-time world champ and Florida native son Kelly Slater's also announced an unexpected change of plans. Sources in Washington report that he has apparently given his entire quiver of self-shaped boards to President Barack Obama, and while Barack goes out and gives the revolutionary equipment a test run in Indo, Kelly will be standing in as commander in chief...lets just hope he doesn't blow the entire stimulus package on golf.
Hoping to put a little punch in his full-rail gouges, it appears Bede might have taken things too far.
Australia's been equally impacted by this odd string of news stories. Last year's runner-up to Kelly, Bede Durbidge, who some have pegged as a very possible world title contender, currently finds himself embroiled in a far-reaching steroid scandal. It's unclear whether or not he spent this past offseason training with Barry Bonds, but it's hard to image that what he's done to his body is natural. Once a loose, limber rising star on the world tour scene, sources inside the gym where he's been working out report "he just wanted to add a little power to his turns." The ASP has yet to make an official statement on what their plans for Bede are. Will it affect his current ranking? Will he be kicked off tour? Or will his frontside gouge be so massive that they have no choice but to let him be? Stay tuned for the latest
And if you believed any of this you're a sucker. April fools!
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Contributors
Jon Coen
Jon is from New Jersey and continues to reside there with his wife and dog—which means occasional empty barrels and the occasional session in the snow.The state isn't as dirty as people might think, but he'll let them keep believing that.
Jake Howard
Jake lives, writes, and surfs in San Clemente, California. He spent his formative gremlin years surfing points north of San Francisco, and for the last 10 years has been contently surviving behind the Orange Curtain.
Kimball Taylor
Author of Return by Water, as well as books on Jeffreys Bay and Pipeline, Kimball drives a red hot Camero, and back in the '70s, he used to party with your Dad.
Daniel Ikaika Ito
Daniel surfs like a hippie, but dresses like a homie. The Native Hawaiian originally hails from Hilo, but now resides in Honolulu. He enjoys twin-fins, new sneakers and being ESPN's "Cuz On The Scene" in the 50th State.
Jason Kenworthy
About as majestic as a turkey vulture, when he's not shlepping his lens around the world or looking for road kill, Jason can be found at home in Dana Point tending to his growing brood.
