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Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Liars, dang liars and coaches


Marc Serota/Getty Images
Bill Parcells claims he's done coaching. Does he mean it

There's "No way do those make you look fat."

And there's "Read my lips: No new taxes."

Then there's whatever comes out of a football coach's mouth.

Butch Davis insisted he wasn't going to leave the University of Miami for the Cleveland Browns. Then he did.

Tommy Tuberville said the only way he would leave Ole Miss was "in a pine box." Four days later he was off to Auburn -- quite vertically.

Nick Saban sounded as if he'd been stabbed in the soul when asked if he was leaving the Miami Dolphins for the University of Alabama. "I guess I have to say it. I'm not going to be the Alabama coach," Saban said. Within two weeks, he was.

Bill Parcells ... well, where do we start?

Over the years he has left jobs insistent he had coached for the last time. He has been adamant since joining the Dolphins front office that he's not interested in returning to the sideline.

He means it this time. Really.

"You're trying to get me to tell you that there's a possibility I'm going to go back to coach when I know there's not," Parcells tells Andrea Kremer in this week's edition of HBO's "Real Sports."

"You're going to have to take this one at face value, though, because we're not going to be sitting here five years from now, talking about some coaching job. I can promise you that."

Fair enough. But this is the same man who in March sternly told me defensive end Jason Taylor "is going to play for us unless he decides to retire" and informed me last month Taylor was "pretty much off the market" and "we're not looking to do anything."

Taylor, of course, was traded to the Washington Redskins on Sunday.

If HBO's producers had enough time, they could have spliced that contradiction into their Parcells' segment, right after he said "you're going to have to take this one at face value."

Because, you know, things change.