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CHICAGO -- With Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and other world dignitaries taking time out of their busy schedule to watch Koyie Hill swing some lumber, I was tempted to ask them when NATO was meeting to decide the fate of the Chicago Cubs.

My advice: Send in the armed drones!

On second thought, forget government intervention. Cubs fans should emulate the rabble-rousers protesting around the city during the NATO summit.

“What do we want? Wins! When do we want them? Before Theo is done rebuilding the farm system in 2015!”

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CHICAGO -- You shouldn't be surprised Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood struck out the first batter he faced in the major leagues. It was Mark Grudzielanek, then of the Montreal Expos.

Fourteen years later, you shouldn't be surprised that Wood struck out the last batter he faced, Dayan Viciedo of the Chicago White Sox.

Both strikeouts were swinging. For everything Kerry Wood didn't do in his roller coaster career, he always did one thing better than almost anyone: Make guys miss.

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Kerry Wood is certainly a fan favorite. But is he one of the Top 50 Cubs of all time? Hot Button: Vote! »

CHICAGO -- If there is one place where trouble might find you this weekend, it’s downtown Chicago, where the NATO summit is attracting hordes of protestors and the possibility of violence and chaos.

In related news, mayhem is coming to Wrigley Field, too. Alfonso Soriano and Adam Dunn sharing left field? I broke my UZR just thinking about it.

Kerry Wood, the provincial saint of lost causes, unwittingly coined the catchphrase for this weekend’s crosstown series when he snapped at a reporter after being asked about throwing his glove last week.

“Irrelevant, dude.” Two words that describe Chicago baseball in 2012.

Hey, it’s better than “It’s a Way of Life” or “Baseball is better” or “Appreciate the Game.” You know, the ones the Cubs and Sox actually use.

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CHICAGO -- Chicago Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts issued a statement Thursday condemned "racially divisive issues" following an article in The New York Times, which detailed a proposal by his father's "super PAC" to challenge President Obama's re-election campaign because of his relationship with controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright, among other things.

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CHICAGO -- It was perfect baseball weather Monday night, 70 degrees with clear skies, and the price at U.S. Cellular Field was just as welcoming: half-off.

But the announced attendance was just 23,358 for a mid-May game against division rival Detroit Tigers. And that's a problem. Even worse, it was the Chicago White Sox's fourth-best gate in 19 home games. The only three better came in the opening series of the season.

"You have to ask yourself is price the biggest factor?" Sox vice president and chief marketing officer Brooks Boyer said. "I don't think price is the biggest factor on a value Monday. If people aren't there on a day like last night, when prices are half the regular price, is it price? Maybe we need to do more to get the trust of our fans."

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CHICAGO -- Dale Sveum took another step in his evolution as Chicago Cubs manager Friday. He did his first pre-game chat about a Kerry Wood move to the disabled list.

Enjoy it Dale, you never know when this day will come again.

For the 16th time in his 14-plus year career, Wood went on the DL. It's a 15-day trip with right shoulder fatigue, and because the move is backdated -- I assume Wood is the Cubs' all-time leader with backdated trips to the DL -- Sveum expects it to be an eight-day stay.

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CHICAGO -- Since taking over the Chicago Cubs, the Ricketts family has expressed a strong desire to keep Wrigley Field affordable and family friendly.

“It’s everyone’s house,” Tom Ricketts told ESPNChicago.com at Wrigley Field when the Cubs opened single-game ticket sales in Feb. 2010.

Now, the Cubs are also inviting bigger-spending fans to “experience exclusivity.”

While they haven’t formally announced the pricing of the new exclusive aspects of the Wrigley Field experience, the Cubs have unveiled a pricing scale for the new right field patio, along with a new ultra-premium suite, on their website.

It’s tough to find, but it’s there.

The new Budweiser-sponsored patio in the right field bleachers, which was announced at Cubs Convention last month, is being marketed as “the Wrigleyville rooftop experience inside the ballpark,” and the Cubs are charging rooftop-like prices.

There are four pricing tiers for the section: $125 a ticket (silver), $150 (gold), $190 (platinum) and $250 (marquee). But as of now, fans can’t buy solo tickets. This is aimed solely at large groups, from bachelor parties to corporate outings.

Tickets can be purchased in blocks of 50, 100 or 150 and include food and drinks -- alcoholic and non-alcoholic. Each block of 50 contains 32 seats and 18 standing-room tickets. This is also where the Cubs are debuting a new 70-foot LED board that looks to some like a harbinger to a JumboTron.

The Cubs are focusing extra attention on high-end group sales and have organized their offerings on a page on the website that says, “Experience Exclusivity.”

Last month, the Cubs accidentally posted pricing for the patio section before they decided to make it a group section. Tickets ranged from $31.36/$52.64/$76.16/$87.36/$117.60. The Cubs pulled these prices off the website after a reporter alerted them to their existence.

One new addition to the offerings is the “Legends Suite.” Located on the first base side of the suites level, the suite offers 14 tickets, an “upgraded gourmet menu,” a pregame tour and most importantly, the company of a former Cub, who will autograph a “unique gift.”

The Cubs listed on the website range from Hall of Famers Ernie Banks, Billy Williams and Fergie Jenkins to fan favorites such as Dave Otto, Randy Hundley and Doug Glanville.

Of course, this being the Cubs, there is a variable, four-tiered pricing aspect to this suite, depending on which Cub you’re paired with. “Cubs Alumni” pricing ranges from $5,500 to $10,000, while “Cubs Hall of Fame” pricing goes from $7,500 to $12,000.

The Cubs also have the recently renamed Budweiser Bleacher Suite (formerly the Bud Light Batter’s Eye), which still sells all-inclusive tickets between $165 to $295 and the PNC Club of Chicago.

Another change for the Cubs is the availability to rent out the Cubs Trolley, which the team created last season. The decked-out trolley holds as many as 30 people and can be added as a “VIP suite upgrade” for $1,200. That’s a round-trip price of no more than 10 miles each way. The Cubs are also renting it out for weddings, bachelor/bachelorette parties and pub crawls.

CHICAGO -- The biggest craze at the 27th annual Cubs Convention was, as predicted, Theobowing.

Theobowing replaces Hendrification, which was the promise that money would fix everything. It is exactly what it sounds like, except there's no need to go to one knee, Tim Tebow style, to Theobow. Just find someone with a Chicago Cubs nametag and open your wallet. Faith will take care of the rest.

Prayer isn't what's driving the Cubs' front office. Research and advanced analysis is driving both the baseball side and business side of the club.

I listened to fans Theobow for a solid hour Saturday morning when Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein took questions from Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper and a legion of obsequious fans.

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CHICAGO -- The Big Surprise was ruined when someone spotted Kerry Wood's wife up in the balcony before he was officially announced as "the newest member of the Cubs."

It was a fun moment, schmaltzy but enjoyable, when Wood, This Old Cub, appeared before the teeming masses in the Hilton ballroom to kick off the Cubs Convention.

Wood's "last-minute" signing was a seemingly well-scripted kicker to the good-vibes opening ceremony, where radio broadcaster Pat Hughes can introduce James Russell as a "blossoming star" and get away with it.

The Cubs Convention, mocked by some (me) and beloved by others (people who cheer way too hard for Todd Walker) is an annual display of renewed hope mixed with casual insanity and capped off with really boring panel discussions.

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CHICAGO -- As Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer and Dale Sveum made their way down I-94 on Thursday, it marked a life-changing event for Sveum, who spent perhaps the most meaningful years of his professional life in the Milwaukee Brewers organization.

So, to mark his milestone, Sveum, the new manager of the Chicago Cubs, asked his new bosses stop in Racine. There was one important task he needed to complete before he left for fame and fortune in Illinois.

"He had to get measurements for a tux for the wedding he's in," said a bemused Epstein on Friday. "He's the best man for his (Milwaukee) clubbie's wedding. Then, we had to stop at a Men's Wearhouse to get that sports coat.

"He came out to talk to the Cubs and Red Sox about their manager's job and didn't bring a sports coat. It's funny, we went into this Men's Wearhouse in Racine and we walked in and the kid behind the desk goes, 'Please don't leave us Dale.' It was embarrassing."

Pardon the pun, but this isn't the Sveum old manager you're used to, Cubs fans. Sveum is a straight-talking, tattooed, hard-nosed guy who doesn't put on airs or formal attire. He isn't worried about trading quips, or living in the past.

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When Dale Sveum got his first managing job with the Altoona Curve, the Double-A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates, he was in his late 30s, just a few years into retirement from playing in the majors.

He spent most of his time working with the hitters, one former player recalled, but in his third season, he saved a left-handed pitcher’s career.

“ 'Sveumer' gave me the opportunity to make it to the majors,” John Grabow said in a phone conversation Thursday. “I was a starter in Double-A, just treading water, when he came to manage. He said I’d have a better chance of getting to the big leagues as a reliever. I was in the big leagues at the end of that season, and I’ve been in the big leagues ever since. If he never would’ve moved me to the bullpen, who knows where I’d be.”

That was in 2003. Grabow started 10 games in Sveum’s first season as Curve manager in 2001, and 27 in 2002, when he went 8-13 with a 5.47 ERA. He made the transition to reliever in 2003, and pitched for the Pirates at the end of season. He’s earned almost $13 million since as a reliever.

Grabow, of course, is the only player, so far, to pitch for Lou Piniella, Mike Quade and Sveum. He thinks it’s a great choice and that Sveum’s personality should fit with what the Cubs need after a 71-91 season.

“You don’t need to be a cheerleader or a rah-rah guy,” he said. “But you have to show some type of emotion.”

As for Sveum’s predecessors, Grabow liked Piniella and has mixed feelings on Quade.

“With Lou, he communicated with the players, which sometimes wasn’t always good,” Grabow said. “But if you played well, he came up and told you so. He patted you on the back and said keep up the good work. If you had a rough patch, he stuck with you. He managed with his gut.

“Quade managed by the book,” he said. “Some players didn’t always agree with it. Quade didn’t communicate with the players a lot and players respond to that.”

Quade’s managing wasn’t why the Cubs dug themselves in a big hole, Grabow said. That was the fault of early injuries to the pitching staff and the slow start for the hitters. But it was clear that no one in the clubhouse was fighting for Quade to stay after so many guys vouched for him in 2010.

Conversely, Grabow believes Sveum will be the kind of manager who truly gets to know his players, and earns their respect. A personal touch means more than outsiders think.

“The biggest thing you’ve got to know is how to manage personalities,” Grabow said. “There are so many different personalities you need to interact with. In the big leagues, managers know how to manage games.

"That’s why they’re qualified for the job. But managing players and how players respond to you is a big deal."

For example: Telling a starting pitcher he has to go to the bullpen can be a tricky thing, but Grabow remembers Sveum handling it perfectly.

“When he told me to go the bullpen, he said, ‘Don’t look it as a demotion,’ ” Grabow said. “That’s a quality right there. He said, ‘Don’t hang your head on this. You’ll get to big leagues quicker.’ ”

Grabow is a free agent and unlikely to return to the Cubs. He said he “wishes things would’ve been better in Chicago” after Jim Hendry traded for him during the 2009 season.

“I never seemed to get on track right,” he said.

As for the Cubs, he said he’s familiar with the culture change philosophy. He did pitch for Pittsburgh, after all.

“When I was with Pittsburgh we always talked about a change of culture,” he said. “The guys on the team have the right mentality. Sometimes you have some distractions that bring the team down. If some of those distractions are not there, they might play a little better.”

It's been tough, but I'm working to get over my distrust of management in, and around, the city of Chicago. I've got a 12-step thing going on. Right now, I'm on Step 9: Get excited about Dale Sveum.

See, I'm a positive guy at heart.

I want to believe Rahm Emanuel will clean up the debilitating waste in government. I want to believe Lovie Smith can find that mythical continuity at safety. I want to believe that Kenny Williams' tragic touch is gone. I want to believe Stan Bowman ... ah, I don't really care about the Blackhawks. I want to believe DePaul can win multiple Big East games before the conference vanishes.

And I really want to believe in Dale Sveum, the new manager of the Chicago Cubs. Sveum isn't Mike Maddux. He isn't Sandy Alomar Jr.He also isn't Mike Quade, so that's a plus.

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CHICAGO -- Once again, the Chicago Cubs are doing it wrong.

Having reporters meet with managerial candidates in the tony PNC Club is no way to simulate how the would-be skippers might deal with the Cub Experience.

While I'm sure the game simulations behind closed doors and long interviews are taxing, they have nothing on the real suffering that tests every manager who dons the blue pinstripes.

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CHICAGO -- To no one's surprise, Mike Quade was released from his duties as designated Cubbie causality, I mean manager, of the Chicago Cubs.

I'm not defending Quade's decision-making in his one, odd season, but he had virtually no chance to win with the roster he inherited. And the veterans that supported him when he replaced Lou Piniella had no use for him by the time the team was out of contention, which was around late April thanks to the Tony Campana-thin pitching staff.

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