The weirdest story you'll read all day

I can't do this one any justice with analysis or banter. You just have to read the headline -- "Florida coaches believe teen is really 22" -- and the first paragraph to get a feel for just what brand of weirdness we're getting at here:

Jerry Joseph is a 16-year-old star high school basketball player in Odessa, Texas. U.S. Immigration officials say he's in the country illegally. And some coaches from Fort Lauderdale, Fla., believe he's a former player who starred in South Florida and is actually 22.

Yep. That kind of weirdness. The FBI has determined through fingerprint analysis that Joseph isn't Guerdwich Montimere, but that hasn't satisfied those coaches in the headline, who seem to be having one of those "Why won't you people believe me?!" moments that immediately precedes insanity in an Alfred Hitchcock movie:

Cedric Smith and Louis Vives, coaches for the South Florida Elite AAU team, saw Joseph last month at an AAU tournament in Arkansas and are convinced that Joseph is Montimere.

"I'm 100 percent sure. I would bet my paycheck," Smith told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. "We saw him. We've known Guerdwich since he was in seventh or eighth grade. The mannerisms were him. It doesn't make sense. They have to do more investigations for me," Smith told the newspaper.

Somebody! Please! You have to believe me!

Somehow, it gets weirder -- one coach confronted the player in question at a tournament and was convinced the player knew he was caught -- so go read the whole thing before your weirdness meter explodes and you're no longer impressed by such things. Because I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that can happen.