Need a really good, really foolproof, nightmarishly painful excuse to stay home from work and watch the NCAA tournament in three weeks? The Oregon Urology Institute is back in the tourney conversation for its third straight year, and boy, do those Pacific Northwest urologists have an excuse for you. They want you to get a vasectomy.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," you're probably saying. "I love college basketball, but that sounds a little drastic." And how right you are. The promotion probably isn't going to sway anyone who wasn't already thinking about getting things snipped. But for those men already interested in the powers of vasectomy, the benefits here actually make plenty of sense. Why schedule your surgery for a random month in the summer, when you could be outside doing stuff that good-looking middle-aged men like you do? That's golfing time. Why not schedule your procedure for a date in March so you can sit on the couch for three weeks and watch all the basketball your heart desires? It sure beats "The Young And The Restless," doesn't it?

If you're merely looking for an excuse out of work, yet again, the Oregon Urology Institute can't help you; they only hand out doctor's notes if you actually complete the procedure. Which means you're stuck doing what you've always done: Sneaking out at lunch to go to a bar, or calling in sick on the most obvious non-sick day of the year. Here's hoping your boss is cool.