Why this wasn't on the front page of CNN.com remains a mystery. But it's true, folks: Notre Dame has successfully completed the first human cloning. Our species will never be the same.
Don't take my word for it. Thanks to the Dagger's keen eye, you can examine the overwhelming side-by-side visual evidence yourself. On the right is Harangody, All-American forward for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. On the left is someone Notre Dame sports information wants you to believe is named Jack Cooley. But we're not fooled, are we?
A few weeks ago, Harangody suffered a bone bruise that seems likely to keep him out for the rest of the season. (Though less likely now that Notre Dame has played itself back into tournament consideration.) Into Harangody's 6-foot-8, 246-pound absence has stepped the 6-foot-9, 244-pound frame of Cooley, who has added a dash of rebounding and a few extra fouls to the Irish's suddenly resurgent lineup.
Perhaps the only evidence against cloning is Cooley's allergy to scoring. The forward has taken two or fewer shots in each game he's played since his minutes increased, and his high total for points (four) came Saturday against Georgetown. No spawn of Harangody would do such a thing. Then again, cloning is an imperfect science. We have much to learn of its ways. Sure, Cooley might be a totally normal human being with his own specific genetic code to boot. But let's not rule anything out.
Whatever the secret, Notre Dame fans are probably OK with it. After three straight bubble-worthy wins, the Irish will take whatever bonuses they can get -- affronts to nature or no.