Dallas Colleges: Halloween 2013
Horror movies cover our TV screens, while candy wrappers litter our streets.
It's Nick Saban's birthday! ... Oh, and it's also Halloween.
Regardless of which one you celebrate, cut off the lights, wrap yourself in a blanket and try not to get scared as we look at the most bone-chilling people in the SEC:
Michael Myers: One of the most feared horror movie villains, Myers terrorized the citizens of Haddonfield, Ill., with his frighteningly slow stalk and superhuman strength. Meet Missouri defensive end Michael Sam, who torments quarterbacks with more speed and the reputation of being one of the country's scariest players. He has registered a nation-leading 16 tackles for loss and is tied for first with 10 sacks. He has totaled three sacks in a game three times this year.
Freddy Krueger: This season, sleeping on Auburn has proved costly. The Tigers started the season unranked and under new management with Gus Malzahn, but are 7-1 and ranked No. 11 in the BCS standings. The biggest Krueger-esque attack occurred in College Station, when the Tigers upset then-No. 7 Texas A&M 45-41. Two weeks before, Auburn upset No. 24 Ole Miss at home. Could Auburn do the same against Alabama later this month?
The Great Pumpkin: Like Linus waiting in that pumpkin patch on Halloween for the Great Pumpkin to arrive, we've waited for Jadeveon Clowney to return to his old form. Each week, we've been disappointed as Clowney, who entered the season with 21 sacks and 35.5 tackles for loss in his career, has just two sacks and 6.5 tackles for loss. Teams have schemed him differently and he has dealt with injuries, but he's just not the same player who had garnered so much attention. At least he has the awesome Predator look going!
The Walking Dead: If anyone looks like a stumbling herd of undead walkers, it's Florida and Georgia. These programs have been ravaged by injuries. Florida has dealt with eight season-ending injuries, including to starters Jeff Driskel and Dominique Easley. Nicks and dings have piled up for Florida, too, as just 13 healthy defensive players dressed for the Mizzou game two weeks ago. Georgia watched as running back Keith Marshall and receivers Malcolm Mitchell and Justin Scott-Wesley went down with season-ending ACL injuries. Nagging injuries have sprinkled around, and heading into Saturday's game with Florida, receiver Chris Conley (ankle) is doubtful and safety Tray Matthews (hamstring) is questionable.
House of horrors: Opponents might wander into South Carolina's Williams-Brice Stadium for a fun football game, but few leave with a win. The Gamecocks have an SEC-leading 14-game winning streak at home.
Trick: Under Kevin Sumlin, all of Texas A&M's losses (four) have come at home. This year, the Aggies fell to Alabama and Auburn at Kyle Field by a combined 11 points. Not exactly the most intimidating home-field advantage.
The Joker: Arkham Asylum's most heinous inmate and Batman's arch nemesis, the Joker has the ability to manipulate his foes and wreak utter chaos. Kind of like how Johnny Manziel plays. We thought he wouldn't be focused enough this season, so he has churned out 3,091 yards of offense and 28 touchdowns. Defenders think he's going one way, only for him to go the other. Manziel might have dressed up as Scooby Doo last year, but he's as evil as the Joker on the field.
Thriller: The best game of the year has to be Georgia's 44-41 win over LSU. We saw three lead changes, four ties, 943 yards of offense and 85 points. Aaron Murray's touchdown pass to Scott-Wesley with 1:47 remaining proved to be the difference after LSU quarterback Zach Mettenberger threw four straight incomplete passes on LSU's final drive.
Scary: Texas A&M's defense has been the SEC's most terrifying defense to watch. The Aggies rank 111th nationally in total defense, allowing 473.8 yards per game. They're 13th in the SEC in scoring defense (32.6), last in rushing (210.1), 12th in passing (263.6) and are giving up 6.4 yards per play. A&M has allowed fewer than 400 yards just twice this year.
Best costume: Will Muschamp.
Michael Myers (“Halloween”): Oklahoma Sooners
Freddy Krueger (“A Nightmare on Elm Street”): Texas Tech Red Raiders
While you’re busy dreaming of the always-dreamy Kliff Kingsbury, his red-dressed team will destroy you in your sleep. Makes up for its human vulnerabilities with lots of razors. Got burned in a previous life by its last head coach.
The Alien (“Aliens”): Baylor Bears
Pretty much a perfect fit here. Highly evolved and truly deadly. Loaded up with blades from head to toe and pumping with yellowish-green acid blood. There’s really no way of preparing for its wrath, and it’ll kill you much faster than the average human villain.
Jaws (“Jaws”): Texas Longhorns
The big fish of the Big 12 is finally playing with some bite after lurking in the water early on. Like most murderous sharks, they’re catching people by surprise and playing like they have nothing to lose.
Ghostface (“Scream”): Oklahoma State Cowboys
Who’s behind the mask? J.W. Walsh or Clint Chelf? Despite some identity confusion, this is still a strong, durable bad guy who wields a knife. Not to be underestimated.
Jason Voorhees (“Friday The 13th”): TCU Horned Frogs
Keep the cool masks (helmets) on, Horned Frogs. This season is starting to get ugly.
Zombies (“Dawn of the Dead”): Iowa State Cyclones
Injuries keep piling up for the Cyclones but they’re as motivated and hungry as ever. They might be 1-6, but they’re never dead.
Edward Scissorhands (“Edward Scissorhands”): Baylor RB Lache Seastrunk
This makes too much sense. Both possess fantastic natural weapons, wild hairstyles and, most important, a heart of gold.
Predator (“Predator”): TCU CB Jason Verrett
Dangerous, well-built, awesome dreadlocks. Intercepts and breaks up so many passes that it’s possible he has thermal imaging vision.
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (“Ghostbusters”): Baylor G Cyril Richardson
Richardson isn’t 100-feet tall, but the best lineman in the Big 12 does destroy everything in his path.
Centaur (“The Chronicles of Narnia”): Texas Tech TE Jace Amaro
Wanted to go with Bane here, which is also very complimentary, but alas there is already photographic proof that Amaro is half man, half horse. "Narnia" isn't a horror movie but just go with it, OK?
Dracula (“Dracula”): Kansas State coach Bill Snyder
Though he’s typically revered for being a wizard, it’s not unfair to see a few parallels between the oldest coach in FBS (74) and the undead. He’s not a bloodsucker, but he has admitted to eating only one meal a day, typically at Taco Bell.
Beetlejuice (“Beetlejuice”): West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen
The bravado and the hair make this a good fit. Have to imagine Beetlejuice’s salesmanship in the model graveyard is a lot like how Hologorsen recruits, right?
Dr. Evil (“Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”): Texas coach Mack Brown
Not a horror, but both are eccentric masterminds with outgoing, friendly demeanors. Always plotting world domination. Dr. Evil demands $100 billion, and Texas has made that much in Brown’s tenure. Wanted sharks with laser beams at quarterback, ended up with an ill-tempered sea bass.
Pile Of Crap (“Envy”): Kansas Jayhawks
Well, you know, this is pretty self-explanatory. “Envy,” about a man inventing a magical spray that makes piles of crap disappear, isn’t a horror movie. But it is a horrible movie.
Can you think of any more Big 12 horror villains? Disagree on any? Just furiously angry because you don’t get that we're joking? We welcome your suggestions in the comments below.
And last but certainly not least, it’s time to pay tribute to the art of dressing children up like Big 12 coaches. It’s an annual tradition of which we can all be proud.
The runaway champion of 2013 is Kliff Kingsbury Kid. Brilliant job, son. Way to keep your swag up. You'll learn to keep your V-necks deep as you get older. Only thing missing might be some PB&J sandwiches.
Past champions include Dana Holgorsen Kid, Bill Snyder Baby and who could forget the irresistible Mark Mangino Baby. This is truly becoming an art form, people.
103.3 FM ESPN PODCASTS
Play Podcast Part 2 of the articles on OSU's involvment in academic fraud was released. Some claim the expose is unfounded. Ian and Richard warn that there are two sides to all stories.
Play Podcast Fitzsimmons and Durrett discuss Mack Brown, Manny Diaz and all the latest with the Texas Longhorns.
Play Podcast Fitzsimmons and Durrett give you the latest on the Johnny Manziel story and Charles Barkley weighs in. You won't believe who the outspoken NBA Hall of Famer is disappointed in and what he thinks about the autograph allegations.
Play Podcast Kirk Herbstreit joins Fitzsimmons and Durrett for his weekly visit to preview the 2013 college football season.
Play Podcast Former TCU and current Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton joins Fitzsimmons and Durrett to discuss the expectations for the Bengals this season, give a prediction for the TCU-LSU game and talk about what it's like having the Hard Knocks cameras follow him.
Play Podcast Randy Galloway, Matt Mosley, and Mark Friedman react to Dez Bryant's comments regarding the NCAA's ongoing investigation of Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel.
Play Podcast Richard Durrett, Ian Fitzsimmons and Glenn "Stretch" Smith react to Dez Bryant sounding off yesterday after practice about Johnny Manziel and the shadiness of the NCAA.
Play Podcast Former NCAA investigator and Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe joins Fitzsimmons and Durrett to weigh in on the Johnny Manziel drama and give some insight as to what goes on during an NCAA investigation.