Wednesday, January 1, 2014
New Year's resolutions for the Dodgers
By Mark Saxon
Some unsolicited suggestions for key Dodgers in 2014:
Clayton Kershaw: Just sign the darn contract already.
Yasiel Puig: Just because a car can break the land speed record doesn't mean it should.
Hanley Ramirez: Use a new contract to hire engineers to design you a Dodgers uniform composed of bubble wrap.
Don Mattingly: Cut down on the sacrifice bunts. Oh, and wait a couple of extra days after the season to cool off before meeting the press.
Stan Kasten: Give your fans a little more credit. If you explain that you prefer to keep managers on one-year contracts, they'll probably get it.
Ned Colletti: Don't gut the farm system for a declining veteran, even if it seems like just what you need at the deadline and even if he has a winning pedigree.
Adrian Gonzalez: Play with the flare you showed in the postseason all year long.
Alexander Guerrero: Comport yourself with quiet dignity. Then, perhaps we can be spared the amateur sociologists in the sports world ascribing Puig's antics to his Cuban heritage.
(Ex-Dodger) Mark Ellis: Keep playing the way you play, but please, please don't say it's because of the "Cardinal Way."
Kenley Jansen: Do you really have to come in from the bullpen to "California Love?" You were nine when the guy who made that song died.
Dan Haren: Remember that Cher song, "If I Could Turn Back Time?" Awful song, but good idea.
Hyun-Jin Ryu: According to the In 'N Out Burger menu, one Double-Double has 670 calories. A quadruple-quadruple is too much.
Brian Wilson: Braid your beard so you look exactly like Khal Drogo from "Game of Thrones."
Juan Uribe: We know you signed a two-year deal, but do us a favor and just pretend you're a free agent next fall.
Zack Greinke: Even if you really don't like a hitter, after you hit him with a pitch just get out of the way when he charges.
A.J. Ellis: When you guys play the Cardinals, text Kershaw the signs.
Carl Crawford: We get that Boston wasn't your favorite place to play, but it's OK to let it go.
Andre Ethier: Become the best fourth outfielder in baseball.
Matt Kemp: Whatever "beast mode" means, give everyone a reason to say it again.