St. Patty's Day alternatives for the green averse

For most people, March 17 is a festive day, filled with good times, good beers, and corned beef. Who doesn't like St. Patrick's Day, what with its Irish tinged joy and green tint and shamrocks and leprechauns?

Hard core Lakers fans, that's who. The type associating green not with money or hemp-based biofuels, shamrocks not with luck, leprechauns not with Lucky Charms, but all with the Boston Celtics. The hated Boston Celtics. This is serious stuff. We all remember the uproar a year or so ago when the NBA put out those green St. Patrick's Day t-shirts? People flipped out, to the point L.A. is now the only franchise in the league without S.P.D. gear featured at the league store. Sasha Vujacic literally cut the color out of his wardrobe for a year after the Lakers lost the '08 Finals to Boston.

Maybe you're different, but for most guys green (in one form or another) is something of a go-to color.

So for those people, March 17 isn't a day of celebration, but anger. They don't want to go out, or hear bagpipes, or see your sheleighly. Which is unfortunate, because there are few holidays more centered around fun than today's. (The whole point is to sneak out of work early and find a pub. To do anything less is an insult to the Irish.) But for the passionate fan of the purple and gold unwilling to participate and/or endure endless pinching, it's important to understand this isn't the only opportunity for holiday fun in March.

With that in mind, I present the following alternatives to satisfy your celebration jones (thanks to sources here and here, the veracity of which cannot be questioned because, after all, I got them off the Internet):

-First, there are your month long celebrations for March. Why not kick back and wallow in National Noodle Month, National Frozen Food Month, National Nutrition Month (there could be a contradiction), and National Peanut Month. After all, March is nearly over, and nobody wants to wait another year to honor Hungry Man meals.

As for daily celebrations, I regret to inform you've already missed out on:

But don't worry. It's not like all the good days are already gone. Still to come:

There are more, many of which sound as bizarre and made up as those above. But I don't make holidays, I just pull them off the Internet. And I'm sure if you arrive at work the next day with a touch of a hangover, the boss won't mind.

After all, you skipped St. Patrick's Day.