ESPN Mixed Martial Arts

ESPN's weeklong portrait of Dana White -- highlighted in a feature profile by Michael Woods in the current May 18 issue of ESPN the Magazine -- winds down today with some criticism: a batch of White's less-than-stupendous managerial decisions.

Carmen Electra (2001). Clamoring for press -- any press -- after the Fertittas' acquisition of the promotion, UFC installed professional empty vessel Carmen Electra to be the company "spokesperson." Electra engaged in fiery debate with Sen. John McCain, lobbied for state sanctioning in Nevada and drafted several revisions to the Unified Rules.

Sadly, most remember only that her contributions were limited to a series of stilted fighter print advertisements and articulating the UFC's appeal by declaring it "raw."

Boxing Ortiz (2007). Don't doubt that White's animosity toward former UFC poster pugilist Tito Ortiz is genuine: No one could possibly have the energy to sustain artificial venom for this long. But White's agreement to meet Ortiz in a boxing match -- which culminated in Ortiz's refusing to show up and White's airing a 90-minute special on his training anyway -- was self-indulgent nonsense.

Purchasing Pride (2007). Crippled after being abandoned by television stations, Japanese promotion Pride was snapped up by White in May 2007 and was viewed as the key to unlocking the obtuse and difficult-to-navigate world of overseas fight promotion.

With a purchase price rumored to be anywhere from $15 to $75 million, Pride proved a sagging investment: The company was on the verge of death, regardless, and some key employees -- particularly Fedor Emelianenko -- weren't part of the package. It's going to take another 175 years of repackaged best-of shows on cable and a lot of DVDs to recoup that expenditure.

Bellator VII hits Chicago on Friday with a one-day tape delay for ESPN Deportes viewers airing on May 16.

Dave Menne -- whose battle with Lyme disease has piqued media attention -- squeaked out a win against Norman Paraisy four weeks ago with a late submission. (A little rust is excusable: Because of health issues, Menne had competed only once in the past several years.) He now faces Omar De La Cruz, a jiu-jitsu purple belt who hails from the talent-suspicious Dominican Republic. Is De La Cruz getting pushed by guys who can outhustle him there? And will the tight Bellator schedule prove to be a cardiovascular nuisance for athletes fighting on one-month turnarounds?

The winner of Menne-De La Cruz will face the winner of Lyman Good-Jorge Ortiz for the welterweight tournament championship. Date TBA. (Hopefully not Sunday.)

Fightwireimages.comExpect more of this from Bobby Lashley when he returns to the ring on Friday.

Inflatable Bobby Lashley will attempt to build on his 2-0 MMA career at Friday's Maximum Fighting Championship (airing live on HDNet at 10 p.m. ET) when he meets 7-3 athlete Mike Cook.

Numbers, as usual, only tell some of the story: Cook recently had a very auspicious loss to Ruben "Warpath" Villareal, a professional narcoleptic who hasn't beaten a fighter with a winning record since 2005 …

… unless you count Cook himself.

If Lashley beats him, Cook could wind up going 0-2 against former WWE performers: he lost to Daniel Puder in 2006.

Sherdog.comKJ Noons, bottom, wants to get his hands on Nick Diaz again.

You remember KJ Noons: excellent stand-up ability; prone to postfight "West Side Story" rumbles in the cage; bloodied and battered Nick Diaz for an EliteXC title of some kind last year (light fly-welterweight, something like that). Resisted attempts by Elite to sign a rematch and headed back to pro boxing.

Now Noons, who has a boxing fight coming up on May 28 in Houston, says he's ready to get back into MMA. It is probably not a complete coincidence that the change of heart coincided with the change in Showtime's MMA management from Gary Shaw to Strikeforce and Scott Coker.

Noons gives credit to Diaz for beating Frank Shamrock but liked Diaz's chances less in a Noons rematch: "I'm his kryptonite, man."

Two variables that could contradict that statement: Since their 2007 bout, Diaz has had scar-tissue removal surgery -- which I documented in the latest issue of Real Fighter magazine -- that may prevent him from leaking with the same volume of plasma as in their first fight.

Diaz also appears ready to take on super heavyweights. Reputed to walk around at more than 200 pounds, he missed weight by eight pounds for a 160-pound bout in the summer of 2008.

Slightly lost in the big-event weekend shuffle -- both Strikeforce Challenger Series and Bellator VII go off Friday -- Call to Arms will be held Saturday in Ontario, Calif., and will feature a returning Daniel Puder against kickboxing-proficient Jeff Ford.

Puder, absent since September 2007, gained cult infamy in 2004 when he gave Kurt Angle some problems during an impromptu wrestling match in the WWE. (Puder, then auditioning for their "WWE Tough Enough" rookie roster, was expected to let Angle roll over him.) Attempts to match Puder-Angle for a real fight were unsuccessful.

Jason Lambert and Vladimir Matyushenko top the card, which also features Tiki Ghosn taking on Brian Warren.

And I had such high hopes for the high road. UFC President Dana White responded with typical reserve to Affliction vice president Tom Atencio's grandstanding challenge last week to fight him. White told Yahoo's Kevin Iole that Atencio is a "f---ing loser" who needs to worry about plugging the financial leaks in his promotion first.

"When I was $44 million in the hole, the last thing I was doing was leaving the office and going out to train for a joke of a fight," White said. "… He should be worried about the millions and millions of his bosses', or his partners' money, whoever it is, that's he's burning. That's a complete joke."

It appears White might be correct: While Atencio has been distracted by his bizarre pseudo-fight career, Affliction has gone and signed dust-coughing Gene Simmons as their "brand ambassador."

Paul Stanley is in final talks to assume the role of matchmaker.

Dave Mandel/Sherdog.comCan Kimbo Slice make the cut inside the boxing ring? We'll know this summer.

The Miami Herald (via Fanhouse) brings grim news: The briefly popular Kimbo Slice, who built and summarily destroyed EliteXC's fortunes over the course of one year, is set to make his pro boxing debut this summer.

Unwise. Slice could still have a go at MMA, albeit against mediocre competition, but boxing demands more technical proficiency -- Slice's brawling style and bully tactics aren't going to take him very far unless he's up against some seriously gasping opposition.

His fan base isn't terribly likely to follow him, either: Slice was an Internet phenomenon, and that's a culture that's been weaned on mixed martial arts, not boxing. If your career role model is Eric "Butterbean" Esch, you're getting some bad advice somewhere along the line.

ESPN.com's cross-examination of UFC president Dana White continues this week by picking up on a select sound bite from former employee Tito Ortiz: In White's "E:60" profile, Ortiz alleges his ex-boss was positively ecstatic about the demise of ProElite and that he takes competition burial very seriously -- let's-put-the-UFC-logo-on-a-shovel seriously.

True or not, something clearly motivates White to squelch rivals before they have a chance to breathe. Some choice obituaries for failed promotions:

International Fight League (2006 to 2008). Ambitious attempt to shoehorn team athletics into the most individualized sport in the world; wasted no time in antagonizing White by hiring away two of his employees and asserting that the UFC sabotaged a TV deal with Fox Sports; for good measure, broadcast a ridiculously hyperbolic prime-time series premiere that brought the sport back to the Stone Age, dwindled rounds down to four minutes to confuse consumers and expected fans to care about tape-delayed events airing at dartboard-random times.

Cause of death: Insufficient funds.

White's eulogy: "I actually watched the IFL once, and it was f---ing painful."

World Fighting Alliance (2001 to 2006). West Coast fight promotion with a nightclub aesthetic; ran three shows before taking a sabbatical and returning under new management, including future EliteXC honcho Jeremy Lappen; spent money as though it grew organically by signing Quinton Jackson, Matt Lindland, Lyoto Machida, and Bas Rutten; briefly flirted with signing Tito Ortiz when Ortiz's UFC contract was up.

Cause of death: Overspending, public apathy, internal turmoil -- Lappen sued the company in 2006 for nonpayment; White sifted through the rubble, purchasing assets that included the contracts of Jackson and Machida.

White's eulogy: Strangely restrained. "Zuffa is committed to giving our fans the best fights between the best fighters in the world. This acquisition helps us continue fulfilling that goal … bringing the WFA fighters into the Zuffa family is the best thing that could happen for the fighters and for the fans."

Oh, wait. Here we go.

"Jeremy Lappen, the three-time loser … you have a law degree. Get a real f---ing job."

Pride (1997 to 2007). Alternately spectacular and brain-dead fight promotion that mixed sport and spectacle in ways never seen before and likely never to be seen again; believed for years to have the superior fighters under roster before exiles looked human in stateside competition; ran two mildly successful shows in Las Vegas, secured Fox Sports' best-of deal; perpetual thorn in UFC's side.

Cause of death: Yakuza (mafia) scandals stripped major TV deal that was significant source of funding; UFC purchased brand and assets in 2007, but never ran a show under the banner.

White's eulogy: "When Mirko Cro Cop [Filipovic]'s deal came up, we went after Mirko aggressively, signed him, and that really started to unravel Pride. He was really tight with them, so once we were able to take him away, all the other fighters started talking to us, too. And that was basically the last nail in the coffin for those guys."

Darryl Dennis/Icon SMISurely there's a "punching the clock" joke to be made in here somewhere.

Yahoo!'s Maggie Hendricks has made one of the great archaeological eBay finds of our era: a bootleg Matt Hughes wall clock that will be inscribed with the winning bidder's name of choice.

Shockingly, there are zero bids. Hughes' clock doesn't seem to be moving with the same regularity of a personalized Pikachu, and his sales compared to Tinkerbell's are downright embarrassing. Will Zuffa's legal sharks find this amusing, or will creativekeepsakes_123 be contacted by UFCLawyerWillEatYourChildren457 and sued out of existence? Updates to come.

Sports Illustrated pit bull terrier Josh Gross -- that's a compliment, folks -- reports that Roger Gracie is close to signing a multifight contract with Strikeforce.

This is news worth repeating. Gracie is a heavyweight prospect with world-class grappling skills, a marketable name and an unblemished record. (Granted, he has had only two fights, but still …). Strikeforce's interest means his talent won't be squandered in a series of ridiculous, logic-bankrupt bouts in Japan, a trend that had already begun when he was matched against middleweight Yuki Kondo last year.

Robert Drysdale, who knows a little bit about jiu-jitsu, has told The FightWorks Podcast that it isn't just Gracie's technical ability -- which has won him countless world championships -- that should concern people.

"He is also incredibly strong. I don't know if you guys saw this in the finals of 2007, but he ripped my Gi. He just ripped my sleeve apart. That was a brand-new Gi that I had never worn before! That's not normal! That's not normal; I don't care what people say. I have never seen that happen in my life. When he did that, I was like, 'Holy s---!'"

Solid endorsement. Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker says his intention is to allow Gracie to cut his teeth in the Challengers series of feeder shows on Showtime.

From the Department of I Don't Have Anything Sarcastic to Say About This: Bellator welterweights Dave Menne and Kevin Knabjian stopped by Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago on Tuesday to visit pediatric patients, sign autographs and delicately pat little heads asking for "Iceman."

It's actually an encouraging sign of MMA's evolving tolerance level in the mainstream that a children's hospital PR director -- a conservative demographic if there ever was one -- didn't take any issue with booking prizefighters. (Not that Menne is a ticking time bomb of rage. He's usually pretty sleepy, actually.)

Both Menne and Knabjian are expected to compete at Bellator VII in Chicago on Friday: Menne in the semifinals of the welterweight tournament against Omar de la Cruz, and Knabjian facing Jacob Volkmann.