Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day in the Big East
By Brian Bennett
It's Valentine's Day, and while this is mostly a holiday set up to make florists and greeting card companies rich, it can be a fun time to express your love for someone or something.
The Big East knows this well. Using my ace reporter skills, I managed to intercept some Valentine's Day cards that were sent out from the home office in Providence and other league ports for this special day:
"You're Making Me Hot!"
To: Dana Holgorsen
From: West Virginia fans
Other people may be worried about scoring on Valentine's Day. We just want to score as much as possible on Saturdays in the fall. We're burning up just thinking about your new offense.
"I Only Have Eyes for You"
Dear Todd Graham:
Mike Who? Believe me, you were my first choice as head coach all along. Can't wait to see you coach our Panthers.
P.S. Please, please, please win big.
"Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry"
Dear Robert Burton:
Sorry for the misunderstanding. Just know that all is forgiven now. Oh, and cash makes a nice Valentine's gift.
"You Choo-Choo-Choose Me?"
Dearest Charlie Strong,
We weren't sure we could ever love again after the last guy so thoroughly broke our hearts and crushed our spirits. But you have renewed our faith, and your early Valentine's gift of a star-studded recruiting class has us all aflutter. Please accept this miniature train modeled on the one outside Papa John's Cardinal Stadium. And please never, ever, ever leave us.
"We'll Make It Up To You"
To: Associated Press and USA Today coaches' poll voters
From: The Big East
We know we messed up in 2010. We now you're probably still mad. But don't hold it against us next season, OK? Remember the good times when Louisville, West Virginia, Cincinnati, Rutgers, South Florida and Pittsburgh were all Top 10 teams? You know, the 2005-2009 years? Let's make things like they were before.
"Wish You Were Here"
Dearest Horned Frogs:
Loved watching you in the Rose Bowl. Speaking of roses, did you get the bouquet I sent? Really looking forward to our upcoming rendezvous. Don't forget to bring your national ranking.
Counting down the hours,
"Will You Be Mine?"
From: Big East football
Hey there, Wildcats. Looking good. So, uh, anything new? We were kind of wondering if you were interested in us. We thought you were, and then you said you had to think about it, and we've kind of been sitting by the phone ever since. No rush; we mean, we've been seeing other people and everything. Orlando is nice this time of year. Just sayin'. Anyway, if you could get back to us by, like, April or something, that would be great. No pressure, though.