Mets are punchline on eve of opener
April, 1, 2011
By Adam Rubin | ESPNNewYork.com
Donna Ward/Getty Images
Chris Rock, a Mets fan, unloaded on his favorite baseball club while a guest with David Letterman.
"I'm a Met fan, Dave," Rock says. "I appreciate the Yankees. Don't get me wrong. But, you know, they've got all the money. It's like rooting for Steve Jobs to hit the Lotto or something. I can't go there. [CC] Sabathia's kids, they live around the corner. They play. But I'm a Met fan.
"My team's broke, Dave. Some teams don't have a cleanup hitter. Some teams don't have a closer, or a good pitcher. My team has no money, Dave."
"What happened to the money?" Letterman asks. "Where did that go?"
"Bernie Madoff and the Mets ... I don't know Dave," Rock continues. "I didn't go to school, Dave. How am I supposed to know this? I'm just some lonely comedian. But they are broke, Dave."
"Do you have season tickets?" Letterman says.
"Dave ... they don't have tickets no more, Dave," Rock says.
"Really? No more tickets?"
"No more tickets. Tickets cost money. They're on paper. They have no paper, Dave. ... A dog licks your hand, and you show the spit, and they let you in."
"A dog actually licks your hand?"
"Yes. They have no money Dave. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Now I understand," Letterman says.
"Dave, this year, second base is a manhole cover, Dave."
"Really? Oh my god."
"For the whole year. The whole year. Between every inning, they use the other teams' gloves."
"And you say the problem is what again?"
"They've got no money. ... No catcher's mask this year. They just get an ugly guy already. The Yankees have got bat day. The Mets have got bring a bat day. 'Here you go Jose Reyes. My daddy gave me this for Christmas. Maybe you can use this.'"
Final - 2OT St. John's 91 Marquette 90 Final Seton Hall 54 Butler 71 Final 15 Cincinnati 70 Rutgers 66 Final Princeton 74 Columbia 64 Final G. Washington 70 Fordham 67 Final Hofstra 76 Delaware 87 Final St. Peter's 58 Manhattan 72 Final Rider 71 Iona 94 Final Mount St Mary's 77 Wagner 72 Final Maine 54 Stony Brook 80
Final R H E Yankees 9 11 0 Astros 6 12 3 Final R H E Mets 3 9 0 Tigers 2 5 0
Final 7 Syracuse 74 Florida State 58 7:00 PM ET Quinnipiac Manhattan Final Canisius 72 Iona 75 7:15 PM ET Hartford Stony Brook
7:00 PM ET NY Rangers Carolina 7:00 PM ET New Jersey Philadelphia