Mets are punchline on eve of opener
April, 1, 2011
By Adam Rubin | ESPNNewYork.com
Donna Ward/Getty Images
Chris Rock, a Mets fan, unloaded on his favorite baseball club while a guest with David Letterman.
"I'm a Met fan, Dave," Rock says. "I appreciate the Yankees. Don't get me wrong. But, you know, they've got all the money. It's like rooting for Steve Jobs to hit the Lotto or something. I can't go there. [CC] Sabathia's kids, they live around the corner. They play. But I'm a Met fan.
"My team's broke, Dave. Some teams don't have a cleanup hitter. Some teams don't have a closer, or a good pitcher. My team has no money, Dave."
"What happened to the money?" Letterman asks. "Where did that go?"
"Bernie Madoff and the Mets ... I don't know Dave," Rock continues. "I didn't go to school, Dave. How am I supposed to know this? I'm just some lonely comedian. But they are broke, Dave."
"Do you have season tickets?" Letterman says.
"Dave ... they don't have tickets no more, Dave," Rock says.
"Really? No more tickets?"
"No more tickets. Tickets cost money. They're on paper. They have no paper, Dave. ... A dog licks your hand, and you show the spit, and they let you in."
"A dog actually licks your hand?"
"Yes. They have no money Dave. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Now I understand," Letterman says.
"Dave, this year, second base is a manhole cover, Dave."
"Really? Oh my god."
"For the whole year. The whole year. Between every inning, they use the other teams' gloves."
"And you say the problem is what again?"
"They've got no money. ... No catcher's mask this year. They just get an ugly guy already. The Yankees have got bat day. The Mets have got bring a bat day. 'Here you go Jose Reyes. My daddy gave me this for Christmas. Maybe you can use this.'"
Final Toronto 92 New York 95 Final Brooklyn 85 Cleveland 114
Final R H E Cubs 0 3 0 Yankees 3 5 0 Final R H E Cubs 0 6 1 Yankees 2 12 0 Final R H E Mets 5 10 0 Diamondbacks 2 8 2