Mets are punchline on eve of opener

April, 1, 2011
4/01/11
8:12
AM ET

Donna Ward/Getty Images
Chris Rock, a Mets fan, unloaded on his favorite baseball club while a guest with David Letterman.
Chris Rock made the Mets his personal punching bag during a visit to David Letterman's show as baseball season gets started. You may remember Rock is really a Mets fan, and once recorded a "Let's Go Mets!" chant to play on the scoreboard.

"I'm a Met fan, Dave," Rock says. "I appreciate the Yankees. Don't get me wrong. But, you know, they've got all the money. It's like rooting for Steve Jobs to hit the Lotto or something. I can't go there. [CC] Sabathia's kids, they live around the corner. They play. But I'm a Met fan.

"My team's broke, Dave. Some teams don't have a cleanup hitter. Some teams don't have a closer, or a good pitcher. My team has no money, Dave."

"What happened to the money?" Letterman asks. "Where did that go?"

"Bernie Madoff and the Mets ... I don't know Dave," Rock continues. "I didn't go to school, Dave. How am I supposed to know this? I'm just some lonely comedian. But they are broke, Dave."

"Do you have season tickets?" Letterman says.

"Dave ... they don't have tickets no more, Dave," Rock says.

"Really? No more tickets?"

"No more tickets. Tickets cost money. They're on paper. They have no paper, Dave. ... A dog licks your hand, and you show the spit, and they let you in."

"A dog actually licks your hand?"

"Yes. They have no money Dave. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"Now I understand," Letterman says.

"Dave, this year, second base is a manhole cover, Dave."

"Really? Oh my god."

"For the whole year. The whole year. Between every inning, they use the other teams' gloves."

"And you say the problem is what again?"

"They've got no money. ... No catcher's mask this year. They just get an ugly guy already. The Yankees have got bat day. The Mets have got bring a bat day. 'Here you go Jose Reyes. My daddy gave me this for Christmas. Maybe you can use this.'"
Adam Rubin has covered the Mets since 2003. He's a graduate of Mepham High School on Long Island and the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. He joined ESPNNewYork after spending 10 years at the New York Daily News.
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TEAM LEADERS

WINS LEADER
Bartolo Colon
WINS ERA SO IP
12 4.01 132 172
OTHER LEADERS
BAD. Murphy .301
HRL. Duda 26
RBIL. Duda 76
RD. Murphy 73
OPSL. Duda .824
ERAZ. Wheeler 3.45
SOZ. Wheeler 163