R.A. Dickey, in his memoirs "Wherever I Wind Up," which is due to be in bookstores later this week, the knuckleballer openly discusses the sexual abuse he dealt with as a child at the hands of a 13-year-old babysitter as well as finding a syringe in the Texas Rangers clubhouse and the end of his career as a conventional pitcher.
Reading the sexual abuse as an 8-year-old, Dickey writes:
Downstairs in the living room, the babysitter's mother and my mom and a group of friends are having drinks and talking before they go out. The babysitter chucks the pillows and stuffed animals out of the way. She looks at me and says, Get in the bed. I am confused and afraid. I am trembling. The babysitter has her way with me four or five more times that summer, and into the fall, and each time feels more wicked than the time before. Every time that I know I'm going back over there, the sweat starts to come back. I sit in the front seat of the car, next to my mother, anxiety surging. I never tell her why I am so afraid. I never tell anyone until I am 31 years old.
On finding the syringe in 2001, Dickey writes:
The sight of it makes me cringe, the shiny thin needle lying randomly on the tile floor. My mind races with thoughts about how and why it got there. I know as much about needles as I do about jewelry, but I'm pretty sure this isn't a sewing needle. I don't know if this syringe injected a Ranger with insulin or cortisone or B12 or anabolic steroids, though you can hazard a guess when you run through the roster of my muscle-laden teammates. I'd never seen a syringe in a baseball clubhouse before. I've not seen one since. It may have been used for the most benign of purposes, but the mere sight of it makes me feel as though I am looking straight at Evil -- like seeing a weapon somebody left behind at a crime scene.
You can read an excerpt of the book, which deals with finding a needle in the Texas Rangers clubhouse, the abuse and the end of his career as a conventional pitcher on SI.com.
Read the full ESPNNewYork.com news story with Dickey's Tuesday comments here.