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Cyclones plan night in Manti Te'o honor

1/18/2013

The Brooklyn Cyclones made this announcement Friday ...

In light of recent events involving All-American linebacker Manti Te’o, the Brooklyn Cyclones have announced that June 21 will be Fictitious Friday at MCU Park. The Single-A Affiliate of the New York Mets will have legendary fireballer Sidd Finch on the mound, in what will be his long-awaited professional debut (What do you mean he’s not real?), when they take on Roy Hobbs and the New York Knights (Wait, that team only exists in a movie and they are actually playing the Aberdeen IronBirds). Fans should be sure to arrive early because prior to the game, The Beatles will reunite for a once-in-a-lifetime concert event. (Okay, that’s apparently not true either, but this girl I met online told me she could make it happen).

Enough joking around, now here are some true statements about the plans for the evening. Anyone who purchases one ticket at regular price will be allowed to bring their make believe significant-other to the ballpark free of charge. Fans will also have the chance to draw a picture of their girlfriend, because obviously something came up and she couldn’t make it, so that their friends can finally see what she looks like. As a special treat, MCU Park will host a unique petting zoo for those in attendance, featuring a unicorn, a mermaid, and a Minotaur. The Cyclones are also in discussions with the Loch Ness Monster and Big Foot to throw out a ceremonial first pitch that evening. In keeping with the tradition of Coney Island amusements, the Cyclones will put a spin on a traditional carnival game, as fans that are able to toss a ping-pong ball into a fish bowl will receive a catfish. Lastly, all of the player headshots used on the video board will just be random people whose photos we find on the Internet.

“Everywhere you look, there seems to be another story about an athlete that was covering up something,” said Cyclones General Manager Steve Cohen. “People don’t know who, or what, to believe any more. That got us thinking, we should have a night where our fans don’t have to worry about what’s real and what’s not, we’ll just tell them everything planned for that night is a hoax.”