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87 Days: Worst Super Bowl ever?

11/7/2013
Pack your long johns! Mehdi Taamallah/AFP/Getty Images

Each day from now until Feb. 2, ESPNNewYork.com will take you inside the challenge of staging the most unpredictable NFL title game ever. There are 87 days to the Super Bowl.

Time for something a little different: A lighthearted two-part look at why this will be the worst, or maybe the best, Super Bowl of all time. Friday: Why SB 48 is going to be awesome!

Super Bowl XLVIII is going to be the worst Super Bowl ever. Let us count the ways:

The Bitter Cold: Sure, there’s a statistical possibility that it could be 50 degrees and sunny, in much the same way the Giants are not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

Times Square Gridlock: So most of us are already avoiding this. But the number of people doing the slow walk-and-gawk is going to be much higher with the fan-centric Super Bowl Boulevard as a destination.

The Logistical Nightmare: Who knows how bad this will be? Cell tower overload due to the volume of corporate ticketholders uploading Instagram pictures of themselves with Jerry Rice? A barge getting stuck under the George Washington Bridge? It’ll be something, and it will be a headache.

Super Bowlverload: It’s bad enough that everything on television will reference the Super Bowl (or “the big game” if they don’t have licensing rights), but now every sign, cab, lighting scheme for the Empire State Building is going to be screaming Super Bowl at you. All. The. Time.

The Great Blizznado of 2014: You know it’s coming.

No Room at the Inn: You don’t need a hotel room, but a nice meal could be good. During Super Bowl week, expect tables to be booked and eateries to be filled. “How about 10:30 p.m., ma’am? I think we should have a table by then.”

Bruno Mars: He’s the halftime act. 'Nuff said.

Game-Day Traffic: MetLife Stadium will have 12,000 of the usual 28,000 parking spaces available for fans. “What do you mean there’s no parking?” It will be epic. Think Carhenge.

The Evite Must’ve Gone to My Spam Folder: Oh, there will be plenty of parties, not that you’ll be invited to them. Out-of-towners with their Uggs and leather-trimmed party dresses will be traipsing from one gala to another, clogging the streets with those oversized Suburbans.

Somebody Else’s Party: I hate to break this to you, but chances are the New York Jets and the New York Giants won’t be there. The New England Patriots? Maybe the Dallas Cowboys sneak in thanks to Dez Bryant’s motivational skills? Good times.

Your turn: Why will this be the worst Super Bowl ever? Use the comments section below. Friday: Why SB 48 is going to be totally awesome!

Come back daily for more on the issues, logistics and personalities surrounding Super Bowl XLVIII.