ESPN

Each goes by the name Mr. Irrelevant, but no two are alike.

So when Irrelevant Week is held annually in Newport Beach, Calif., to honor the last player taken in the NFL draft, many of the activities are tailored to fit the guest of honor.

While all participate in the Arrival Party and Lowsman Banquet -- where each receives the opposite-of-the-Heisman Lowsman Trophy (depicting a player in mid-fumble) -- players can decide what else they want to do.

One asked to go clubbing in Los Angeles with Paris Hilton. Another chose to spend time with his family and sleep extra hours in his soft hotel bed. Others, who’d never been to California, wanted to go Jet Skiing or sailing, play golf on a course overlooking the Pacific or meet their sports heroes.

In 2008, David Vobora, a linebacker from Idaho chosen by the Rams, wanted to see the Playboy Mansion and meet the women from “The Girls Next Door” reality TV series. After an evening that included dinner with Hugh Hefner, hanging with “The Girls,” getting a tour of the mansion and sharing Hef’s movie night, Vobora told one reporter it was “a slice of heaven.”

And that’s pretty much been the goal of Irrelevant Week since it began in 1976: to treat the last as if he were first.

Each April, when Mr. Irrelevant is drafted in New York, Irrelevant Week CEO Melanie Salata Fitch is right there to get his requests for Irrelevant Week (usually is held in June).

“I say, ‘Hey, congratulations’ and 'What do you like?' and 'What do you eat?' and 'What have you always dreamed about?' and I start designing events,” she says.

After 37 Irrelevant Weeks, she’s confident the players have had a great time. How could they not? Her mission is to treat each “like a king.”

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The 2013 NFL draft is over. But how did your team do? Did its draft performance guarantee this year’s Super Bowl title and every other one as far as the eye can see?

The only way to find out is to read the only 100 percent accurate draft grades on the whole Internet.

Kansas City Chiefs

Draft Grade: F

Flawless Analysis: The Chiefs spent the months leading up to the draft trying to convince teams that they had serious interest in Luke Joeckel and Geno Smith. Turns out all of that was lies. LIES! This draft grade isn’t about the Chiefs as a football team. It’s more than that. It’s about not being able to trust the Chiefs as men.

You may have a new left tackle, Chiefs, but you have no honor.

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After months of buildup, the first round of the NFL draft is complete and it’s time to render verdicts. Here are the winners and losers:

(Note: As always, there are only winners and losers. There is no in-between. This is a pass/fail kind of deal. Also, all grades are final and eternally binding. Do not try to argue. You are dealing with a draft expert here, OK?

WINNERS

Giant humans

Giant humans usually do well at the NFL draft, but the first round was especially good for the enormous this year. Three of the first four picks were offensive tackles. The first seven picks were offensive or defensive linemen, and 18 total were taken in the round.

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In four years at Oklahoma, quarterback Landry Jones threw for 16,646 yards and 123 touchdowns while leading Oklahoma to four winning seasons and three bowl victories. The native of Artesia, N.M., surprised many when he decided to return to OU for his senior season, a move that likely led to a drop in his draft stock. Heading into Thursday's NFL draft, Jones is ranked by some analysts among the top five QBs in the 2013 class, and he has been projected to go anywhere from late in the second round to the fifth round.

What is one thing you always have with you?

My wedding ring.

What was the last thing you Googled?

The "Batman" trilogy.

What is the most embarrassing music you have to admit you listen to?

I occasionally listen to some Cyndi Lauper. I like “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” And Backstreet Boys, too.

What is the best advice you ever received?

“Don’t eat yellow slow.” I was told that when I was a little kid.

What is the biggest key to your success?

My work ethic. I got that from my dad.

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If the Los Angeles Lakers do the improbable -- the very, very improbable -- they would join quite the exclusive club.

Ditto the Boston Celtics (or the Chicago Bulls, Houston Rockets, Atlanta Hawks or Milwaukee Bucks).

And over in hockey, there's still a host of teams -- the Detroit Red Wings and New York Rangers among them -- capable of pulling off this feat: winning a championship with a regular-season winning percentage of .550 or worse.

In the history of the four major pro sports, only 14 teams have done so -- most of them in the NHL (the only two sub-.500 champs also came from hockey). Thrice have MLB teams taken titles despite mediocre seasons. And then there's a lone NBA team, the 1977-78 Washington Bullets, meaning no one from the NFL has pulled the big turnaround; after all, a 9-7 record makes for .563.

So, who are these surprising champions, the ones who bucked the percentages to lift their respective trophies? Let's take a look -- by percentage.

1937-38 Chicago Blackhawks
.385 (14-25-9, 37 points out of possible 96)
• The "worst"-ever champion, these Hawks had the sixth-best record of the NHL's eight teams and boasted a winning percentage .125 points lower than No. 5. They beat the Toronto Maple Leafs (.594) 3-1 in the Stanley Cup finals.

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“Measure three times,” advises Tam Copenhaver, 58, a Willy Loman-style traveling salesman who makes about of 20 percent of his annual income peddling custom clothing at spring training. “I haven’t had anything sent back in over 15 years. If you measure wrong, it costs you money.”

Fabric samples and measuring tape at the ready, sometimes he’ll wait seven hours in a Scottsdale, Ariz., courtyard or Sarasota, Fla., lobby just to get 30 minutes with a client so he can pitch him a package of custom suits, sport coats and dress shirts. And of course, like with the Royals’ Billy Butler, he gets all the right measurements. If he’s lucky, a day’s visit to a training camp will net him a couple of $20,000 orders.

“You’ve got to measure real easy with these guys,” he says. “You can’t go right up against the skin.”

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After seeing the Los Angeles Lakers’ winning streak come to an end at 33 games in 1972, forward Jim McMillian said NBA fans had seen something special.

“We just finished a streak that I don’t believe any other team is going to break,” he told the Los Angeles Times.

Now more than 40 years later, McMillian’s prediction looks solid after the Miami Heat’s bid to catch the Lakers was stopped by Chicago on Wednesday night after 27 straight wins.

Many more seemingly unbreakable streaks also remain on the books. In honor of those 1971-72 Lakers, Playbook offers the best and most unbreakable streaks in sports, ranked from No. 33 to No. 1:

33 -- Basketball: Harlem Globetrotters, 2,495 straight wins over Washington Generals
Though the Generals were built to lose -- which they did flawlessly to the ’Trotters from 1962 to 1971 -- they took a 100-99 victory over Harlem while playing as the New Jersey Reds, finally ruining the script. Generals owner Red Klotz said the win “felt like killing Santa Claus.”

32 -- College football: Mount Union (Ohio), 55 consecutive victories
The most dominant program in NCAA Div. III history, Mount Union has 11 national championships and this record winning streak from 2000-2003. The Purple Raiders also won 54 straight from 1996-99.

31 -- College squash: Trinity (Conn.) College men, 252 consecutive wins
The longest winning streak in varsity collegiate sports stretched from 1998-2012, when it was finally snapped by Yale. The run included 13 national championships.

30 -- College soccer: North Carolina women, 103 consecutive wins
Not only did the Tar Heels put this streak together from 1986-1990, but after a loss to Connecticut on Sept. 22, 1990, North Carolina then won 101 straight games -- that's an astounding 204 wins in 205 games.

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“Problem player."

That's how Ray Edwards was branded after being released less than two years into his five-year, $30 million deal with the Atlanta Falcons in November. With the "locker-room cancer" label attached, Edwards knew it wouldn’t be easy to find more work in the NFL, even though his belief in his talents never faltered. So he turned to the only other thing he knew -- boxing.

“I’m 100 percent into boxing,” Edwards told ESPN Playbook. “Nobody’s called me; nobody’s called my agent. I’m moving on with my life because the NFL doesn’t stop for me. They will keep going.”

The Purdue product and former Minnesota Viking gave pro boxing a try during the NFL lockout in May 2011 with a decision victory over Tyrone Gibson and fought twice in 2013, with wins over Cory Briggs and Nick Capes.

It was the latter bout that garnered Edwards attention, though certainly not the kind he was looking for. The fight was suspicious, with Capes dropping like a sack of bricks from a punch that seemingly missed just 13 seconds into the bout. North Dakota fight commissioner Al Jaeger concluded it was a dive and suspended Capes, whose real name is Greg Scott.

The 6-foot-5, 258-pound Edwards swears he had no knowledge of the arrangement and “respects the game of boxing too much to do that.” With the incident behind him, Edwards (3-0, 2 KOs) continues his boxing career with a heavyweight bout Friday against journeyman Van Goodman in Hinckley, Minn.

“I want to be heavyweight champion,” said Edwards, who recorded 8.5 sacks in 2009, his best season. “Anything less than that, I failed myself, my trainers and all those who believed in me. I know it’s kind of early to say this, but I know how to think the game.”

Edwards isn’t the first accomplished athlete to give the Sweet Science a whirl. The following pro athletes have tried to cross over into boxing over the years, albeit with little success:

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Nearly 100 entries and not a single infinite regression. Sigh.

Uni Watch is referring, of course, to the incredibly irksome problem that has plagued the Miami Dolphins' uniforms since the team's inception. To wit: The leaping dolphin shown on the team's logo is wearing a helmet with an "M," which is wrong, wrong, wrong! As everyone knows, the dolphin should be wearing a helmet with a dolphin wearing a helmet with a dolphin wearing a helmet with a dolphin, and so on. This is known as an infinite regression. In addition to being super-cool, it would also provide a competitive advantage, sending the Dolphins' opponents into hypnotic trances or convulsive seizures. Why? Here, see for yourself (but don't blame Uni Watch if you lapse into a trance or lurch into spasms).

So when we recently put out the call for Uni Watch readers to redesign the Dolphins, it seemed reasonable to assume that at least a few people would find a way to solve this longstanding problem by incorporating an infinite regression into their design concepts. Incredibly, though, not a single reader did so. Come on, people!

In fact, the primary takeaway from the reader-submitted Dolphins redesigns is that if it ain't broke (lack of infinite regressions notwithstanding), don't fix it. Many of the submissions made only minor changes to the team's uniform, and only a few ventured outside of the club's long-established color palette of aqua and orange. Not that the Dolphins' colors necessarily need to be changed, of course, but these design competitions usually lead to more submissions that go way outside the box. Not so much this time, though.

Still, there were plenty of interesting concepts -- or at least plenty of interesting uni components within some of the concepts. Here are the ones that stood out here at Uni Watch HQ (for all of the images that follow, you can click on the design to see a larger version):

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This week it was announced that Darren Fells had secured a three-year contract with the Seattle Seahawks as a tight end. Nothing remarkable, right? Well, nothing except that in May of last year Fells was playing pro basketball -- in Argentina, of all places. More bizarre is the fact that Fells got his deal after one solitary and almighty workout with Seattle's finest.

After attending UC Irvine, where he played basketball, Fells soon found himself plying his trade in far-flung places such as Belgium, Mexico, France and Finland. ESPN Playbook caught up with Fells, who gave us the lowdown on saunas and nudity as well as the prospect of catching passes from Russell Wilson.

Only last year you were playing pro basketball in Argentina and now you have a three-year deal with the Seahawks. Pretty crazy, right?

I’m still in fairy tale land right now, and it hasn’t hit me. I won’t believe it I think until I’m on the plane actually flying out there, but I’ve heard a lot of good things about the Seahawks organization.

How did all this come about?

The whole reason why it came about was because I had played basketball overseas for four years and felt like something was missing, and I talked to my brother Daniel [a tight end on the New England Patriots] and we talked about how football was the reason I didn’t feel complete. So he talked to his agent, who’s now my agent and he got me into Athletic Performance in L.A. to train.

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The team name "Redskins" continues to be a divisive issue -- in our nation's capital and elsewhere.

First, in Washington, D.C., legal action aimed at the Washington Redskins was renewed Thursday. The plaintiffs' goal is not to ban the name "Redskins" per se, but rather to strip the team of its exclusive trademark protection on the grounds that disparaging terms are ineligible for trademark status. So even if the petitioners are successful -- a process that would likely involve many appeals and stretch on for years -- Redskins owner Daniel Snyder would not be forced to change the team's name, although he'd probably take a hit at the cash register. A team attorney has stated that the Skins would suffer “every imaginable loss you can think of” without the marketing advantages conferred by trademark status. In any case, this situation shows no signs of being resolved anytime soon.

The situation is more straightforward in Cooperstown, N.Y. The small town is best known as the home of the Baseball Hall of Fame, but recently it has become involved in the growing national discussion about Native American mascots and imagery because the teams at Cooperstown High School have been known as the Redskins since the 1920s.

But the school's teams will soon be getting a new nickname. The local school board voted earlier this week to retire the old team name after a group of students petitioned the board to make the change. A new name has not been chosen yet.

One concern for the Cooperstown school district was that a name change would require new uniforms -- a potentially expensive move in budget-conscious times. So the Oneida Indian Nation offered to pay for new Cooperstown uniforms. It's not clear to what extent, if any, this offer affected the school board's vote to change the team name.

One thing is certain, however: The name "Redskins" remains controversial and is likely to remain that way for the foreseeable future.

Author: Tom Coughlin, with David Fisher

Title: "Earn the Right to Win: How Success in Any Field Starts with Superior Preparation"

In a sentence: Coughlin teaches readers how to be a successful, hard-nosed son of a gun -- whether for a meeting, a job interview or a home-improvement project -- through intense planning and sweating the small stuff.

Sample chapter: "Success Is in the Details." (Well, duh.)

Interesting quote: A notorious stickler for rules, Coughlin tends to rub people the wrong way at first -- in the foreword, Michael Strahan writes that he hated the coach soon after he took over the Giants -- but there is an underlying reason for Coughlin's methods. “The purpose of setting rules isn’t to catch people and punish them," he writes, "but rather to find those people who are willing to make a commitment to their team and their teammates.”

Bar fodder: During a tough road loss on the West Coast, Coughlin noticed his players looked worn down throughout the game. So, he changed his thinking to find an edge. The Giants stopped flying cross-country on Friday and now travel the day before the game. "Scientifically this doesn't hold water, but it has worked for us," he writes.

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Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco is reportedly set to cash in on his remarkable run to a Super Bowl title by becoming the richest player in the history of NFL football.

In additional to making Flacco wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, the deal means Joe Linta, Flacco’s representative, is the hottest agent in football.

Could Linta’s skills transfer from football to other sports? To other professions?

What if Joe Linta were the agent of some random employee at an average company in middle America? Would he achieve the same results he got for Flacco? Let’s find out.

---

[Scene: A corner office inside a nondescript building in an office park. The intercom on the boss’ desk buzzes.]

Boss: Yes, Sheryl?

Sheryl: [over the intercom] There is man to see you, sir. He says he is an agent. He doesn’t have an appointment.

Boss: OK. I guess I have a few minutes. Send him in.

[The door opens.]

Linta: Hi. I’m Mr. Linta.

Boss: Hello, Mr. Linta. Take seat. What can I do for you?

[Linta sits down in a chair in front of the boss’ desk.]

Linta: I am Joe’s agent.

Boss: His agent? Agent of what?

Linta: His agent to negotiate his new salary.

Boss: Huh? Wait. Joe who?

Linta: Joe. One of the guys in your sales department.

Boss: Oh. Right.

Linta: Let’s talk numbers.

Boss: Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on a minute. I’m sorry, but why is Joe sending an agent to ask for a raise?

Linta: He’s not a great communicator. In fact, he’s quite dull, as you likely noticed, and really isn’t regarded as much of a leader either. But someone can still be a top-five salesman without having a great personality.

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Cam brought our class doughnuts and orange juice! #WarCamEagle!! twitter.com/UnoOjo/status/…

— Brookelyne Harvel (@UnoOjo) February 21, 2013

You’re a college student. You’re stuck in some bogus class you don’t wanna be in, you’re embarrassed about all the drunk texts you sent out last night, and your mom forgot to mail you your “just because” money this month. Life is so frustrating. You can’t even ...

But then your unendurable hell world suddenly gets much better, because famous NFL quarterback Cam Newton just appeared in front of your desk, offering you a doughnut that he purchased just for you. And YOU. JUST. DIE. (With joy, I mean.)

Too bad such a thing could never happen in real life. Except that it did on Thursday to some lucky little study bugs at Auburn University.

Newton, who is finishing his degree at the school even though he’ll probably be wading in that Play 60 money 'til he’s dead, decided to surprise his classmates with doughnuts and orange juice, an act so generous that he is now the front-runner to be the next pope.

And they weren’t those garbage grocery store doughnuts or the “hurts doughnuts” that athletes are more prone to doling out, but high-quality SQUARE-SHAPED doughnuts from a popular local bakery.

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The Johnny Football backlash has begun.

Six months ago, only the most die-hard college football fans had even heard of Mr. Football. Then he set about destroying every team in his path and became a celebrity. Then people started to wonder is he was too much of a celebrity. And now, with the news that he is taking all of his classes online this spring, some are holding Jonathan College Football up as an example of all that is wrong with college football.

From no-name to possible cautionary tale in six months ... simply because he’s a famous college football quarterback ... who plays in the SEC ... who regularly shows up at high-priced events ... and parties with celebrities ... and is only taking classes via computer at his house. Have we really become this cynical?

Think about it: Who are some of the most intelligent and interesting people you know? Did they get intelligent and interesting by taking a class? Did they become wise and worldly by sitting in some classroom every morning in College Station, Texas? Or did they get that way because they lived life? Got out there and met people? Experienced the world?

J. Football, Esquire, has received an invaluable education these past few months. It’s one he couldn’t have obtained with his nose buried in some book at Texas A&M’s library or while scrolling through the most rigorous online class.

J-Foo has earned a Ph.D. in Livin'. And he finished first in his class.

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