A couple of weeks back, I suggested that the New Orleans Saints should receive an NCAA-style death penalty for their bounty-system shenanigans. Fortunately, Saints fans are a level-headed bunch who took my suggestion as a starting-off point for intelligent discussion and debate.
Now comes the story that general manager Mickey Loomis allegedly participated in electronic eavesdropping of their opponents’ play calling. Whatever are we to do with these rascally scalawags?
Now we must contemplate this question: What other revelations about these irrepressible imps are going to come to light in the coming weeks? Maybe these?
Moistened adhesive on opponents’ tape to lessen stickability
Photoshopped blemishes onto opponents’ mug shots for use on JumboTron
Misspelled opponents’ names on scoreboard in comic fashion
Prank-called opponents’ hotel rooms at all hours of the night before game
Spiked opponents’ Gatorade with Four Loko
In pileups, tied opponents’ shoelaces together
Filled opponents’ practice balls with Flubber gas
These are all scandals waiting to happen. Just add the “-gate” suffix to any of them and brace yourself for the fallout.