With the NFL regular season beginning, football season is now completely under way -- as is the annual decline of your work productivity.
But as a favor to you, dear reader, I typed up an email template you can send to all your co-workers, informing them of the many changes the football season will make to your schedule and performance.
To: All Employees
As you may know, football season has begun. College football started last weekend and the NFL kicks off Wednesday night, and there is a full slate of games on Sunday.
I am writing to give you all a heads-up on how the season will affect me:
My awkward conversation in the hall, lunchroom, parking lot and around the water cooler will no longer be about summer vacations and weather. Now through early February it will only be about football. In late November and December, I’ll probably work in some stuff about “holiday plans,” but other than that: football. My favorite team, your favorite team, my fantasy team, players who are great, players who suck, coaches who are great, coaches who suck. Weather could also come up if there are any snow games. If you talk about anything non-football-related, I will quickly lose interest and leave. If that is your intention, fine with me. I have stuff to do.
I pretty much will not be able to attend any meetings on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Fridays. I guess that leaves Thursdays open. If you want to meet with me between now and mid-February, I have some Thursdays open. Email me now to schedule.
Mondays I will be very tired from staying up late to watch "Sunday Night Football." Also, I’ll have a lot of work putting in fantasy football waiver claims and working trade angles, followed by reading articles online about my team’s performance.
On Tuesdays I’ll be even more tired because of staying up late to watching "Monday Night Football."
Wednesdays I’m pretty much booked seeing which of my waiver claims came through, then setting my roster for the next week.
Fridays I will be tired from staying up late watching "Thursday Night Football" (which is every week now!). Also, my Fridays are pretty full spending time reading up on that weekend’s college and pro games.
Weekend work is out for me, obvs. I will also not be checking my work email or voice mails on the weekend for the next five months. If you have anything urgent, please share it with me on Thursdays or in mid-February after the Super Bowl. Thanks.
I will be ignoring them a lot in the coming months, so I might need to spend a day out of the office here and there to tend to family needs and give them attention. These personal days will come on Thursdays, for reasons already explained.
Thank you for your understanding during this important season. As you know, I am more than willing to cover for you if you take a three-day weekend or something in the spring, so I appreciate your working around my schedule now.
P.S. Don’t forget I’m running my annual NCAA tournament pool this March. Looking forward to getting in touch with you again then!