You don't like sports? Then step off, fella!

April, 26, 2012
4/26/12
12:14
PM ET
You know who I have absolutely no use for? Guys who don’t care about sports.

There, I said it -- and I ain’t taking it back.

It just isn’t right. Show me a guy who doesn’t at least have a working knowledge of even one sport, and I’ll show you someone I’m not going to take a shine to. What the hell do you to say to someone like that?

How come I can hold my own in whatever topic it is that they’re into -- be it current events or movies or whatever -- yet they get a glazed look in their eyes whenever I wanna talk about what I wanna talk about, which is usually sports?

How does this happen? Who’s to blame here? Their parents? I’m not saying guys have to be an expert or a fanatic about a team, either. I have no problem with casual fans. Do I like them as much as hard-core fans? No, but I still find them tolerable.

I’m talking about the don’t-know/don’t-care/don’t-wanna-know kind of guy. I just can’t abide ‘em. They kind of give me the creeps. And you know who they always end up being? The husband of your wife’s best friend -- a guy you get stuck spending a bunch of time with against your will. (Single guys, this will happen to you -- mark my words.)

“Oh, you’ll like Harold,” your wife will say. “He’s a nice fellow.”

Except he’s not gonna watch a ballgame with me or talk about point spreads or even know what a point spread is. What good is he, really?

You know what I’m talking about. Hell, you’re reading a blog called “Fandom,” right? I’ll bet these guys creep you out, too. Problem is, it’s a free country and there’s nothing we can do about ‘em except avoid ‘em whenever possible.

Or is there?

There ought to be self-help programs for guys like this; support groups or something like that to get them sorted out. Now there’s a government initiative I could get behind.

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