Miami Marlins: New players, same results

So the Marlins have done that thing again where they rip their team apart.

They used to do it after winning a World Series. This time they’re doing it after winning a new stadium from local taxpayers. One was a win for everyone; the other is just a win for owner Jeffrey Loria. See the difference? It’s subtle.

Last season, with a brand-new stadium, the Marlins drew an average of only 73.2 percent of capacity. How can they expect to draw any fans to see what will surely be a team even worse than last year’s 69-93 outfit? Here are 11 possible marketing slogans.

Probably your last season to see Giancarlo Stanton

Minor league team. Major league prices.

See the stadium your tax dollars built us!

Marlins Park: a great place to talk about the Heat with other local sports fans!

Now 100% anti-Castro

The Marlins: You can't call us overpaid anymore

Help us beat the Dolphins in attendance

You can’t Stapp us!

All-new players. Same results. Guaranteed.

Come or we'll build another sculpture thing

Want to come to a game to yell at the owner's box? Fine. He doesn't care.