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Seven new bowl games we want to see

12/14/2012

Bowl season begins on Saturday, Dec. 15. If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that there are not enough bowls. There are only 34 bowls between now and Jan. 7, when the one bowl that means anything is played.

Why cap it at 34? We can do better. Here are seven new bowls I’d like to see.

The Glade Stink Bowl

The Stink Bowl pits the two worst teams in the nation, as determined by the BCS computer. Although partly humiliating to the participants, it also gives them an extra practice and a game to try to get better for next year, while providing football fans with a hilarious fail-fest to watch.

Verizon Wireless Todd Graham Bowl

A bowl featuring Todd Graham’s current team against one of his former programs, brought to you by Verizon Wireless -- the EXCLUSIVE carrier of Graham’s departure text messages!

AARP Legendary Leaders Bowl

Sponsored by the AARP, whose members remember back when the Big Ten was a top football conference, the Legendary Leaders Bowl features one team from each Big Ten division -- assuring the Big Ten wins at least one bowl game each year.

EA Sports’ Postseason Ban Bowl

The Postseason Ban Bowl pits the two best teams banned from postseason play in a televised EA Sports’ NCAA Football simulation of them playing in a real bowl game.

Rent-A-Center Interim Coach Bowl

The Rent-A-Center Interim Coach Bowl gives football fans a battle between two programs whose coaches recently bolted for higher-paying jobs. Most years the Interim Coach Bowl features an appearance by a team Todd Graham just quit.

U-Haul Big East Expansion Bowl

Featuring two mediocre 6-6 teams from non-BCS conference schools located far from the East, the Big East Expansion Bowl grants the winner a spot in the Big East Conference. If they want it.

The Best Buy Yum! Brands Texaco Wendy’s KPMG Consulting ExtenZe Bowl

This bowl features two teams pulled out of a hat who play simply so the sponsorship company executives can go to a warm-weather city for a weekend to drink and pretend it’s work-related.