Minnesota head football coach Jerry Kill is awesome.

We know this because his name is Jerry Kill and he has a mustache.

I am tempted to wrap up this post right there with the above reminder on Kill's awesomeness. But new information has come to light. Kill visited Richfield High School in Minnesota on Wednesday night to deliver an inspirational speech full of life lessons.

Kill's words of wisdom were highlighted by this bit of advice:

"You hang around with turds, you'll finish third."

Read that again in case you missed the message: You hang around with turds, you'll finish third.

So true. So, so true.

Kill did not explain what associations cause you to finish sixth/last, as Minnesota did in the Big Ten Legends division last season, but we can assume you get there by hanging out with things even worse than turds. With graduation season upon us, I encourage schools across the country to book Mr. Kill for commencement addresses.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Class of 2012: Don't hang around with turds.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, avoiding turds would be it. The long-term benefits of hanging with non-turds have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

And so on.

Unlike most graduation speeches, no one would ever forget it.