Did your team get knocked out in the first round? Or not make it to the tournament at all? I'm here to let you know, it's going to be OK. There are still PLENTY of reasons to watch March Madness!
When my team loses, I root for anarchy. Streakers, light malfunctions, brawls, locusts ... anything that stands in the way of someone else's happiness. Also, don't forget, at the end of every game, another fan base feels just as empty -- focusing on the losing fans helps you feel just a little better about yourself.
How about a friendly wager? If the next 3 goes in, your girl has to buy dinner. If it doesn't, you'll pay for the tip.
Maybe the coach of your team is still around as a studio analyst. You know the guy who cheats off the wrong person and still fails the exam? That's who you'll be if you let the man who lost his first game tell you how to get to the Final Four. But I just love to watch the way they artfully dodge ever admitting to being in the tournament they're now breaking down. Then again, maybe he just bowed out early to cash those broadcasting checks. That's it -- right, JTIII?! No, seriously.
And if your team's coach isn't on TV, maybe he can be watching TV. With you. At your March Madness party. Minnesota, UCLA, this means you.
Speaking of coaches, I always enjoy cut-ins to coaches’ wives in the stands for no apparent reason. If you pay attention, you can see just how lonely the director is. Instead of making his own awkward eye contact with a beautiful woman, he makes the whole country experience it at the same time.
If you look a little further down the bench, you can see the warmers. Whether it's three goggles, imaginary bow and arrows, or the "Harlem Shake," bench activity is at an all-time high. These aren't your father's towel wavers. My personal favorite is the guy way at the end of the bench covered in tats. And you thought it was impossible to look hard next to "DNP -- Coach's Decision!"
Even the commercials provide rich entertainment as each school tries to cram every ethnicity known to man into a 30-second spot. Not only are they all in the commercial … they're all studying together!
Need more? How about a game I like to call, "Is Jim Nantz Reading From Wikipedia?" Did he reference a school's state flower? Did he report the student body as a round number (8,500 on the dot)? Are half of the notable alumni playing in the game? If the answer to any of these is yes -- he is definitely reading from Wikipedia.
Now you're ready for "Watch Reggie Miller Refuse To Admit That Replay Completely Contradicts The Point He Just Made." My favorite.
If none of these are enough to keep you happy, there's always March's oldest, most prestigious tradition: hating Duke.