Shaquille O'Neal will reportedly be interviewed for the vacant Orlando Magic general manager job. The former Magic star has never worked as a basketball executive, so there's no way to know how he would perform in the position. Or is there? By looking back over Shaq's rap and movie work we actually can get a pretty clear picture as to what GM Shaq would be like.
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Do you want me to shoot it? (Nooooo!) Do you want me to pass it? (Nooooo!) Do you want me to slam?! Get out the way, get out the way, get out the way. – Shaquille O’Neal, “Shoot Pass Slam” (1993)
What this tells us: Shaq would look to build a team around a player who does little more than attack the rim. This means he would keep Dwight Howard or possibly trade him for Blake Griffin.
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But if you got the itches for a sack of riches don't matter how avaricious, I'm the man that can grant your wishes! Hey, don't turn your butt on me! I'm the man of the ages, straight out of the pages. Hang on! I'm contagious, outrageous, spontaneous! You can't contain this. I am KAZAAM! – Shaquille O’Neal, “Kazaam” (1996)
What this tells us: Shaq would be a tireless negotiator, constantly working the phones to make deals. He also would not be scared to make “spontaneous” moves involving players with large, “sack of riches” contracts.
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Forget Tony Danza, I’m the boss. When it comes to money, I’m like Dick DeVos. Now who’s the first pick? Me. Word is born. Not a Christian Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning. – Shaquille O’Neal, “What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock)” (1993)
What this tells us: Shaq would demand to be the boss, meaning he would have to have the final say on all basketball personnel decisions. He would also require autonomy over money and contracts. Also, in the draft he would not look for players similar to Christian Laettner or Alonzo Mourning.
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You don’t like Shaq, frankly I don’t give a damn. I know I got skillz, man. I know I got skillz, man. – Shaquille O’Neal, “(I Know I Got) Skillz” (1993)
What this tells us: Shaq would be confident in his decisions and not be pressured into moves by the fans or the media.
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Kobe, tell me how my a-- tastes. – Shaquille O’Neal, freestyling (2008)
What this tells us: It is unlikely that Shaq would make any trades that could upgrade the Lakers, thereby greatly diminishing the possibility of Howard joining Kobe Bryant in L.A. However, Shaq may look to unload the Magic’s worst players on the Lakers, hoping to surround Bryant with players such as Ishmael Smith and Earl Clark.
Does Orlando president Alex Martins even need to interview Shaq now with all of this information readily available? Make the hire, Mr. Martins.