Just like dad, Kim Jong-un a boss at sports

April, 17, 2012
4/17/12
10:45
AM ET

Kim Jong-il was probably the greatest athlete who ever lived. As has been widely documented, he shot five holes-in-one in his first try at golf and he once bowled a 300. Considering he could change the weather based on his moods, he was probably a boss at Ultimate Frisbee.

But what about his son, North Korea’s new leader, Kim Jong-un? It’s been reported that he’s a huge basketball fan, but little has been revealed about his godlike athletic prowess.

[+] EnlargeKim Jung-Un
Pedro Ugarte/AFP/Getty ImagesKim Jong-un does curtain call after his fifth homer in just four at-bats.

Though we lost several interns in the process, Fandom’s sources have been able to penetrate the mysterious regime and uncover some incredible details about the Supreme Commander’s physical super-abilities. And to say the least, he’s a chip off the ol’ block.

  • While Kim Jong-Il famously traveled everywhere by train, his rotund successor travels exclusively via somersault. It is said that he can cover up to a thousand miles of terrain per day. Glorious.
  • Kim Jong-un is taller than Wilt Chamberlain and is twice as good with women.
  • His talent as a bow hunter is unparalleled. He once dropped two bears and a yeti with a single arrow, and the animals let out beautiful, high-pitched growls in recognition of his superiority as they expired. Then a flock of doves formed a silhouette of his face before a resplendent sunset.
  • Kim Jong-un reportedly played a secret exhibition game with some of this NHL’s biggest stars this past summer. More astonishing than the fact that he notched a Gordie Howe hat trick in his first time on the ice? He did it while playing goalie.
  • Why did Kim Kardashian leave Kris Humphries? The Great Leader isn’t one to kiss and tell, but word is his jump shot might’ve played a role. He’d never date a woman with the same first name, though. That’s straight up heresy.

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