DJ Gallo's first-round British Open captions"I'll just use this club. Ultimately, it's not going to matter. Let's not kid ourselves." AP Photo/Peter MorrisonEmailcommentJul 19, 2012DJ GalloESPN.com CloseFounder of SportsPickle.com Has written for Comedy Central and The OnionFollow on TwitterEmailprintcomment"Yeah, but didn’t he really win the tournaments? You just held his stuff. You know, no offense.""I have such an awful hangover. I feel perfect." "I don’t care what they say about Davis Love III. I do the best DeNiro on tour.""Why are they filming me? I’m English. I’m not going to win this.""Oh, man. The 'Dukes of Hazzard' car would tear this trail up.""Nope. Still don’t see it. I guess lawnmowers aren’t historic enough for them.""Really? Only 64? I think I’m about 67 percent back."