Mothers have no business in the Olympics

New Zealand kayaker Mike Dawson was punished by his mom in front of all his friends. Embarrassing! Phil Walter/Getty Images

New Zealand kayaker Mike Dawson received a two-second penalty in his slalom run on Tuesday from a judge. The judge? Kay Dawson. His mother.

What? Moms can be Olympic judges?

This seems like a huge loophole, even for an organization that has five interlocking loopholes for a logo. While Dawson’s mom pointed out a flaw in his run, another competitor’s mom might let him get away with everything. It’s a terrible system.

Imagine an Olympic boxer with a mom judge. First time her son gets hit, you know she’s stopping the fight. Or a mom judge in rhythmic gymnastics. Bless her heart, but there’s no way your mom is up on all the latest rhythmic gymnastics moves. This is a woman who still thinks the Macarena is cool. The Olympic shooting competition would be ruined, with the mom judges warning everyone not to shoot their eyes out, and forget being allowed to stay in the Olympic Village. A two-week slumber party with a few thousand fit 20-somethings in a village full of condoms? Not happening. You’d be grounded just for asking to stay there.

Mom judges, like mom jeans, must go.