Mars rover searches for sports findings

August, 6, 2012
8/06/12
4:00
PM ET
DishMark Graham/AFP/GettyImagesWill these dishes, which are tracking the Mars Curiosity rover, contribute to the sports world?
NASA’s Mars Curiosity rover has touched down on the red planet. What might it discover there? Here are some odds.

Mars Blackmon: 2-to-1

This little guy hasn’t been seen in decades. However, there is a man who sits courtside at Knicks games who looks like an older, chubbier form of Mr. Blackmon. If that’s him, he probably wishes he could escape from his basketball hell to Mars.

A value baseball card collection: 10-1

These things always seem to be where you least expect them.

Water sports: 50-1

If there is water on Mars, that means there might be water sports. Synchronized swimming, too. What a dazzling show the aliens could put on with their many tentacles and lasers.

Sports phenoms: 100-1

“The Natural,” “The Scout,” “Blue Chips.” In each movie, an athlete of amazing abilities is discovered in some backwater. Mars is a backwater of planets. While we always fear aliens will use their powers to attack and destroy us, what if they just want to use their powers to attack the rim and destroy a fastball?

Monstars: 1,000-1

OK, if they are up there, we’re doomed. Michael Jordan is no longer in playing shape and he hasn’t put a decent team together since the 1996 Looney Tunes squad. Thankfully, Mars is a long way from Earth. The rover’s signal takes seven minutes to reach us. So we’d have at least seven minutes to evacuate and find a new planet. Hmm. That's not really a ton of time. Usain Bolt may be the only human fast enough to survive. Godspeed, Usain.

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