Bin Laden's translator even angry at LeBron

LeBron James' defection to the Miami Heat apparently upset Osama bin Laden's translator. DON EMMERT/AFP/GettyImages

Muhammad Rahim is an evil bad guy who loves doing terror and hates everything about America, even the impossible-to-hate things like SeaWorld and Jay-Z’s baby. He’s now sitting around complaining in Guantanamo Bay, where he was imprisoned for being Osama bin Laden’s translator.

For all the things he hates, I guess maybe one of them is understandable. In a declassified letter provided to the Washington Post, Rahim expressed his searing disapproval of LeBron James, particularly his 2010 televised announcement that he was bailing on the Cavs.

“Lebron James is a very bad man,” Rahim wrote. “He should apologise to the city of Cleveland.”

Yes, the wretched stooge monster makes a point. People should apologize for their wrongdoings. Just as one man should seek reconciliation for murdering thousands of innocent civilians on foreign soil, so should a guy who decided he wanted to merely wanted bounce a leather sphere in a different town than his native sphere-bouncing town.

Rahim’s lawyer says his client believes that “betrayals are not tolerated or forgiven,” but I was always under the impression that agents of horror and brutality had a soft spot for basketball players.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un loves basketball, and he keeps a picture of Toni Kukoc on his nightstand to protect him from bad dreams. But maybe this is because Kim Jong-un is nearly identical in shape to a basketball and finds some sort of comfort in it. Who knows.

It should also be noted that Rahim demanded a pet cat in exchange for any intelligence he supplied. So LeBron is a devil and kitties are the best. If this is what all terrorists think, then maybe we’re not that different. Maybe someday we can get along.

Or maybe not. Start loathing A-Rod, Dwight Howard, Donald Trump, and Ochocinco, and then maybe we’ll talk.