Bin Laden's translator even angry at LeBron

August, 17, 2012
8/17/12
4:41
PM ET
LeBron JamesDON EMMERT/AFP/GettyImagesLeBron James' defection to the Miami Heat apparently upset Osama bin Laden's translator.
Muhammad Rahim is an evil bad guy who loves doing terror and hates everything about America, even the impossible-to-hate things like SeaWorld and Jay-Z’s baby. He’s now sitting around complaining in Guantanamo Bay, where he was imprisoned for being Osama bin Laden’s translator.

For all the things he hates, I guess maybe one of them is understandable. In a declassified letter provided to the Washington Post, Rahim expressed his searing disapproval of LeBron James, particularly his 2010 televised announcement that he was bailing on the Cavs.

“Lebron James is a very bad man,” Rahim wrote. “He should apologise to the city of Cleveland.”

Yes, the wretched stooge monster makes a point. People should apologize for their wrongdoings. Just as one man should seek reconciliation for murdering thousands of innocent civilians on foreign soil, so should a guy who decided he wanted to merely wanted bounce a leather sphere in a different town than his native sphere-bouncing town.

Rahim’s lawyer says his client believes that “betrayals are not tolerated or forgiven,” but I was always under the impression that agents of horror and brutality had a soft spot for basketball players.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un loves basketball, and he keeps a picture of Toni Kukoc on his nightstand to protect him from bad dreams. But maybe this is because Kim Jong-un is nearly identical in shape to a basketball and finds some sort of comfort in it. Who knows.

It should also be noted that Rahim demanded a pet cat in exchange for any intelligence he supplied. So LeBron is a devil and kitties are the best. If this is what all terrorists think, then maybe we’re not that different. Maybe someday we can get along.

Or maybe not. Start loathing A-Rod, Dwight Howard, Donald Trump, and Ochocinco, and then maybe we’ll talk.

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