‘The League’ stars offer their fantasy advice
August, 30, 2012
By Richard Morgan | ESPN.com
Getty ImagesNick Kroll, left, and Paul Scheer, of 'The League,' use some unorthodox fantasy football methods.Seeking a new angle in fantasy football advice for the upcoming season? We tapped two fantasy "experts" -- comedians Nick Kroll and Paul Scheer of "The League," which returns to FX in October for its fourth season. Below they offer seven tips on how to bluff, bluster, blitz and browbeat your way to the top of the standings. (Time's a wastin', join a league now!)
1. Draft kickers.
Scheer: Draft a kicker first and make a big deal about it. Say it's a kicker year, and your league is making field goals of 40-plus yards worth 20 points. Take advantage of everyone’s confusion of your pick during the second round by picking anyone but a kicker.
2. Get social.
Scheer: Create a website for a fake fantasy expert, and create a Twitter feed as well.
Kroll: Start Tweeting as the fake expert. Then retweet it as yourself.
Scheer: And make it the opposite of everything the real experts are saying. The only problem with this strategy is that if others follow the fake advice, they will probably crush you because the real fantasy "experts" are wrong 98 percent of the time.
3. Invest in voodoo.
Scheer: Never underestimate the power of voodoo. There are plenty of easy online courses to learn it. Use voodoo against others in your league, use it on players, use it on anyone who can help you win.
Kroll: Do not use the voodoo to improve any other portion of your life. Everyone knows voodoo only works for fantasy football.
4. Create insider intel
Kroll: Tell your friends you're tight with the team trainers and that you know the inside track on game-time decisions. If they ask why, say you went to medical school for sports medicine but dropped out because you didn't want to be part of the rat race.
5. Make your own highlight reel.
Kroll: Take games from previous seasons where star players got injured and cut it into a "SportsCenter" from today so everyone else thinks Fred Jackson just suffered another knee injury.
Scheer: Just be sure to eliminate all references to the Kim Kardashian wedding.
6. Improve your trash talk.
Scheer: If you're at a loss for how to trash talk on the message boards, here's a simple rule: Follow The League Insult Mad Lib: Size + Adjective + Body Part = Trash talk.
Kroll: You have small hairy nipples. You have a big wet whatever. Done.
7. Shame your friends.
Kroll: No matter who your friends draft, just keep saying, "That's a great pick. What year is it?" People will eventually crack, or throw you out.
Scheer: Either way, you've rattled them.