Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Predicted predictions Rex Ryan won't make
By DJ Gallo
Rex Ryan gets excited when he gets to say things into a microphone.
Rex Ryan is terrible at predictions.
Jets legend Joe Namath became famous for nailing the one big prediction of his career. If Ryan stumbled on a correct prediction now, his all-time mark would still be about 1-for-219.
However, with his team officially -- and mercifully -- eliminated from the postseason at last at 6-8, Ryan may want to take a shot at making an accurate pronouncement for a change. Here are 10 things he could say that would end his 0-fer streak. I predict he will say none of them.
• This team will cause me to invent new and stronger curse words.
• We will fumble the ball off of body parts never fumbled off of before.
• This team will field an offense composed of skill position players most fans have never even heard of.
• We will trade for a younger quarterback with a better career quarterback rating than Mark Sanchez and then refuse to play him because who knows.
• We, along with the Bills and Dolphins, will continue to make sure the New England Patriots have six cake division games year after year after year after year after year.
• I will collect failed coaches such as Tony Sparano and Matt Cavanaugh and unleash them on my collection of nobody offensive players.
• Our nationally televised games will dominate social media due to everyone wanting to make fun of us.
• I will be viewed as the lesser of the Ryan brothers.
• I will engender a sense of delusion among this team so that all of us make laughable statements about a playoff run.