You’re a college student. You’re stuck in some bogus class you don’t wanna be in, you’re embarrassed about all the drunk texts you sent out last night, and your mom forgot to mail you your “just because” money this month. Life is so frustrating. You can’t even ...
But then your unendurable hell world suddenly gets much better, because famous NFL quarterback Cam Newton just appeared in front of your desk, offering you a doughnut that he purchased just for you. And YOU. JUST. DIE. (With joy, I mean.)
Too bad such a thing could never happen in real life. Except that it did on Thursday to some lucky little study bugs at Auburn University.
Newton, who is finishing his degree at the school even though he’ll probably be wading in that Play 60 money 'til he’s dead, decided to surprise his classmates with doughnuts and orange juice, an act so generous that he is now the front-runner to be the next pope.
And they weren’t those garbage grocery store doughnuts or the “hurts doughnuts” that athletes are more prone to doling out, but high-quality SQUARE-SHAPED doughnuts from a popular local bakery.
Let’s put this into perspective: Newton was at home, getting ready for class, and chances are there were eight or nine supermodels begging him to play a game of Sexy Twister. There was probably a team of massage therapists offering to balance his feng shui energies with mystical stones. There was probably an overbearing Playbook blogger trying to get him on the phone to feature him in a post about his 10 favorite ways to keep it real during the offseason.
But instead, he chose to morph into a living angel and leave 20 minutes early, traveling via celestial light beam, to procure delicious cream-filled manna for a throng of grubby mortal serfs.
Surely, a choir of 5,000 heavenly hosts is now celebrating his deed through song.
And the students? They seemed pretty content, too.
“Everyone in the class was grateful and thankful,” junior Brookelyne Harvel reported. “Everyone told him thank you.”
Well-played, students, well-played. You will one day tell your grandchildren about the time you used good manners around Cam Newton. This is your legacy.