Aug. 1: The Phillies officially release Roy Halladay.
Aug. 2: Halladay is immediately picked up by the New York Yankees.
Aug. 3: Astros closer Jose Veras has his first blown save of the season. The game is also Veras’ first save opportunity of the season.
Aug. 4: Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth is prevented from trimming his beard when it is discovered that several breeds of endangered wildlife have taken up residence in its depths.
Aug. 5: The Blue Jays lose a season-high sixth consecutive game, but R.A. Dickey cheers up his teammates with hilarious tales of playing for the New York Mets.
Aug. 6: Baseball sets an all-time record for torn labrums, besting the previous record set in 2012, and up from a total of zero torn labrums 10 years ago.
Aug. 7: Daisuke Matsuzaka gives up just one run in a complete game, 28-pitch, 27-strikeout performance against the Tigers. The one run he gives up comes on a home run off of the only non-gyroball he throws in the game.
Aug. 8: Japanese Central League outfielder Nyjer Morgan is sent back to the United States and banned from returning to the country. “While entertaining at first, he gets to be a bit much to take after a while,” reads a statement from the Japanese state department.
Aug. 9: During Game 1 of a series in New York against the Yankees, Tigers manager Jim Leyland openly smokes and drinks a 40-ounce soda in the dugout.
August 10: Boston catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia announces he is legally changing his last name to “Salty” because “let’s be honest, the other one is just ridiculous.”
Aug. 11: Marlins outfielder Logan Morrison says the best part of Miami’s success is that it has earned him extra Twitter followers.
Aug. 12: Diamondbacks manager Kirk Gibson throws an umpire out of the game for arguing balls and strikes with him.
Aug. 13: The Yankees sign Chad Qualls.
Aug. 14: Phillies manager Charlie Manuel wakes up from a nap in the Citizens Bank Park dugout, six days after the team left on a road trip.
Aug. 15: Bryce Harper and Mike Trout leave their respective Major League teams to play with their Little League teams in the Little League World Series.
Aug. 16: The Astros fire manager Bo Porter and hire someone with a track record of success coaching young players: Tom Emanski.
Aug. 17: Theo Epstein receives a letter from the Sports Genius Board informing that he has one more year to turn the Cubs around or he will lose his sports genius certification.
Aug. 18: The Astros win back-to-back-to-back games for the first time all season.
Aug. 19: Brian Cashman signs a Japanese guy he sees at the airport. “Maybe he’s good at baseball? Who knows. I’m out of ideas.”
Aug. 20: Some random minor leaguer the Cardinals called up in April ups his season totals to .320-25-90.
Aug. 21: Spooked by a statistic he sees on car crashes and with the postseason approaching, Nationals GM Mike Rizzo forces Stephen Strasburg to live at the stadium because letting him drive is too great a risk.
Aug. 22: The Mets are asked to stop playing the national anthem before games, as it is embarrassing to the United States to be associated with them.
Aug. 23: The Rays lose David Price for the season when he pulls a muscle laughing over their 10-year, $200 million contract offer.
Aug. 24: “Moneyball: The Musical” opens on Broadway, featuring the sabermetric hits “WAR: What is It Good For?” and “Get Down with OPS.”
Aug. 25: The Yankees fire manager Ozzie Canseco and hire Ozzie Guillen because, according to Brian Cashman: “I mean, why not at this point? If we’re going to lose a lot, let’s at least lose in an entertaining fashion.”
Aug. 26: Cole Hamels says the struggling Phillies need a makeover, so he takes them all shopping and then to his favorite salon.
Aug. 27: The fourth-place Red Sox stretch their not-a-sellout streak to 63 games, second-best in baseball behind only the first-place Rays.
Aug. 28: Borrowing tarps from the upstate Jacksonville Jaguars, the Rays cover all but eleven seats at Tropicana Field.
Aug. 29: The Rays fall just six fans short of their first sellout of the season.
Aug. 30: Mets owner Fred Wilpon announces the team is bankrupt after being duped in an investment scheme in which the Mets received two coins for every one paper bill they invested.
Aug. 31: Despite a .179 batting average with only three home runs, Alex Rodriguez tells fans to be patient: “Remember, I’m signed here through 2017, so I have plenty of time to work through this slump.”