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Thursday, April 25, 2013
What Kobe Bryant might have tweeted

By Johnette Howard

Kobe
Injured Lakers star Kobe Bryant became aware almost immediately Monday that his tweets from his Newport Beach sofa during the Lakers' Game 1 playoff loss to the San Antonio Spurs had become an issue. But was the tempest really his fault?

Perhaps there wouldn’t have been such a stir if tightly-wound Lakers coach Mike D'Antoni hadn’t responded with a biting postgame assessment that left a such a sulfurous smell in the room, his remarks occasionally begged for subtitles: "It's great to have that commentary," D'Antoni said of Bryant (#gotohell). "He's a fan right now, he's a fan. You guys put a little more importance on that kind of fan." (#Duh).

"Just bored I guess," Bryant typed to his 2.3 million followers.

By Wednesday, fans were tweeting back at Bryant all day long and imploring him not to go silent, as he'd promised. And indeed, all was quiet at @kobebryant once Game 2 began in San Antonio.

But what if everyone was just looking in the wrong place during the Lakers' eventual 102-91 loss?

@(Not)KobeBryant Tipoff time!!! Is it me, or does D’Antoni already look like he ate some bad guacamole? Lol

@(Not)KobeBryant @PhilJackson11 Welcome to Twitter, man. But Dude. Emoticons? Really? RT@PhilJackson11 23 Apr That wasn’t a pushoff :-)

@(Not)KobeBryant Big props to my boy Metta for naming himself a bigger distraction than me or J-Buss #DwightGetsDayOff

@(Not)KobeBryant Knock-knock: What did I get Duncan for his 37th birthday today? Pau’s defense! Get it?!

@(Not)KobeBryant Glad to see Mike Brown back in the league. But what are the headlines in Cleveland: “Let’s try this again”?

@(Not)KobeBryant Is anybody gonna stop Ginobili from getting in the lane? Anybody? Or do I gotta go there and hit him with a crutch?

@(Not)KobeBryantNash isn’t moving well now that he’s hurt. But his hair looks nice, don’t you think?

@(Not)KobeBryant Is it me, or does D’Antoni look like Pop put hot rub on his dryboard & gave him a disappearing ink marker? #outcoached

@(Not)KobeBryant Are the commercials always this prostate-centric during games? #justsayin’

@(Not)KobeBryant When did Tony Siragusa start endorsing adult diapers? Ew.

@(Not)KobeBryant Post! Post! Post! Gotta milk Pau in the post and also … um … Oh darn. What’s his name again? … Dwight!

@(Not)KobeBryant What does the ‘D’ in D12 stand for? Dense??? How can u pick up 4th foul with 8 minutes left in 3Q? #sevenfootsmall

@(Not)KobeBryant Is anybody gonna stop Parker from getting in lane? Anybody? Or do I gotta go there & hit him with my other crutch?

@(Not)KobeBryant This is crap. Nobody keeping Bonner off boards, let alone making him pay for red mamba jokes #getyourownlife

@(Not)KobeBryant Remember when I wrote in Game 1 “This game has ‘steal one’ written all over it for us”? #nottonight

@(Not)KobeBryant See u Game 3 Friday at Staples. Is it me, or does D’Antoni look like he misses his mamba some after all? #mambaout