Thursday, June 21, 2012
Behold, Brandon Jacobs can make you rich!
By DJ Gallo
Brandon Jacobs is a good guy, which means you might be able to take advantage of him financially.
Former New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs is a good guy.
A 6-year-old boy who emptied his piggy bank and sent the contents -- total: $3.36 -- to Jacobs after hearing the Giants could no longer afford him was repaid by the new San Francisco 49er with a crisp $5 bill.
So again: Brandon Jacobs is a good guy.
But he's more than that. He's a money-making scheme for those of us who might not be so noble.
Think about it: That little kid sent $3.36 to Jacobs and got a 49 percent return. The last person from New York to give you that kind of return was named Bernie Madoff. But Jacobs isn't running a Ponzi scheme. He's just a nice guy. Nice guys are always the biggest rubes.
What if you wrote a letter to Jacobs claiming to be a little boy who cleaned out his piggy bank of $336? For the cost of a stamp, you'd make yourself $164. You can see where this is going.
Dear Mr. Jacobs,
I'm totally like a kid or whatever. Let's say 3 years old. Can a 3-year-old write? I don't know, let's say I'm 6 then.
Anyway, here's $336,000 in cash. I got it out of my piggy bank. (My parents are generous with the allowance.)
I await your response. The sooner the better because I'm floating a significant amount of cash here.
Lil' [your name]
P.S. -- Please see the attached information about how to do direct deposit into my bank account/piggy bank.
But write your letter soon. This money-making scheme can only last so long. Eventually, we'll bleed Jacobs dry.