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Friday, August 17, 2012
More schools should adopt ugly uniforms
By DJ Gallo
Maryland upped the ante in terrible uniform design last year, but Notre Dame is coming on strong.
Oregon started it. Then Maryland mounted a challenge. Now every college football team wants to look ridiculous.
A few weeks ago, Nebraska
came out with a Noid-inspired uniform
, then Virginia Tech announced
. On Thursday, Notre Dame topped them all
with something so bad
even Rudy wouldn’t invest in it.
It’s clear there’s an ugly arms race in college football. Each team is trying to look worse than the next. There is no end in sight.
Expect to see these uniforms on the field soon, and then on your local clearance racks.
Head-to-toe compression houndstooth.
Uniforms stitched with the hair removed from Gene Chizik’s sideburns.
LCD screens embedded on each side of the helmets with
on a constant loop.
All black everything in honor of Greenwich resident Jay-Z.
Modeled after the popular beach T-shirt that has a
picture of a bikini
or muscle man on it, football uniforms that have a picture of Duke basketball uniforms on them.
, only with
Will Muschamp’s eyes
Giving a nod to history with uniforms designed after something Deion Sanders would have worn in the late '80s.
Two new options:
Two doormats made into a sandwich board.
Pink uniforms to make opponents less aggressive.
100 percent polyester uniforms in honor of multiple eight-win-season
head coach Earle Bruce
Jerseys with cleat marks on the front of them. (The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.)
Jerseys with game clocks dangling over them ala Flava Flav.
Koopa Troopa shell
Army fatigues as uniform pants.
Uniforms made from stitched-together SEC logos.
Three Wolf T-shirt
Full nudity other than tattoos, but players earn buckeye body stickers throughout their careers.
Jerseys with the Stoops family crest emblazoned on the front.
Uniforms made of cash
donated by T. Boone Pickens.
Nike swooshes with eye, arm and legholes cut out.
Jerseys made from stitched-together press releases announcing new head coach hires.
Shirtless with blowout helmets.
Brand-new LeBron jerseys.
Coat and ties.
Matching pants and shirt picked out by Derek Dooley’s mom.
Helmets, jerseys, pants, gloves, socks, helmets –- everything, just bigger.
Ornately colored uniforms
covered in slime and small horns.
Cutting-edge uniform fabric made from nanofibers and cow dung.
Leather gladiator skirts.
A uniform that
looks exactly like this
, including a helmet of curly hair.
Complement the turkey-feet helmets by making their players wear
on their hands and feet.
In honor of having “Forest” in their name,
Pirate-inspired puffy-shirt jerseys.
Uniforms made from old couch upholstery. Helmets with huge flames painted on them.