Hoping to get drafted tonight? Keep these tips in mind and you’ll have a successful first night as an NFL player.
1. Bring your phone
You don’t know how long you’ll have to wait to get picked. In 2007, Brady Quinn had to sit for hours to hear his name called, suffering in front of cameras the whole time. This was way back in America’s sad pre-app era, so Quinn was forced to pretend he was checking text messages all day. Heartbreaking. How did people live in olden times? But now your stock-plummeting time can fly by as you play games on your phone. Did you fall completely out of the first round? Big deal. Andrew Luck probably won’t set a new personal record in "Cut the Rope" tonight.
2. Go for a timeless look
Draft night is your NFL wedding night. You don’t want your kids to laugh at your NFL wedding pictures one day. While the vest, hipster glasses, mustache and bow tie might seem super-cool right now, in a few years you’ll look as dated as your uncle’s 1974 disco wedding. Plus, Nick Fairley did the glasses/bowtie thing last year. Do it now and you’re basically asking for a drug test.
3. Shake Roger Goodell’s hand
When you are drafted, go up on stage and shake the commissioner’s hand. Just don’t do it too hard. He will fine you.
For many fans, this is their first glimpse of you. Show that you have a warm, engaging personality -- it will help you win over your new fan base and put you on the radar of Madison Avenue. Granted, it can be difficult to smile if you are drafted by one of the NFL’s more dreadful teams. It’s easy to smile when you’re hosting parties and winning trophies, but how about when you’ve had your lot thrown in with the Washington Redskins? Tonight we’ll see how impressive Robert Griffin III really is. If he can smile tonight, there’s no limit to what he can achieve.
5. Physically threaten Jets fans
They will stop booing faster than the fastest 40. Please do this for all of us.