The New York Post reported over the weekend that Derek Jeter may have a new girlfriend, a so-called "mystery woman." Here, according to the report, are the details we know about the shadowy acquaintance the Yankees captain had with him at STK Midtown.
"tall and attractive"
"long, wavy, light-brown hair"
"joined in the table’s conversation"
Compelling details. Using this information, we can come up with several very educated guesses on who Jeter's date might have been.
Minka Kelly - She fits the physical description, and we already know that she is Jeter's type, in that she is famous and very attractive. While their relationship is reportedly over, Lyla could never get over Tim Riggins, and everyone knows Jeter is way more dreamy than some high school fullback.
Beyonce - She was just named "World's Most Beautiful Woman" by People magazine. That's the kind of thing that gets a lady on Jeter's radar. And yes, she is married to Jay-Z. But Jay-Z is a big Yankees fan. Ask any Yankees fans: they would be honored to have their wife be with Derek Jeter.
Kate Middleton - "Tall and attractive" with "long, wavy, light-brown hair" describes her perfectly. It all adds up, too. Why be with the prince of a failed empire when you can be with the king of the world's only superpower? (OK, maybe the Yankees aren't the world's only superpower. The United States still probably counts as one.) Balding Prince William doesn't quite match Jeter in the looks department anymore, either, mainly because he doesn't have the guts to become the first British royal to rock a fade.
Kim Kardashian - If you're playing the odds and an athlete is involved, you at least want to put a few bucks down on Kim Kardashian. The part about "joined in the table's conversation" seems unlikely, what with her brain, but again ... a professional athlete is dating someone. The odds here are at least 50-50.
Brian Cashman - Hear me out. First, we know Cashman would do anything to be with Jeter. Paying a shortstop of Jeter's age $51 million for three years is all the proof you need. But beyond that, we know that Cashman is a master of disguise. Just this weekend he reportedly wore a disguise in order to sit in the Yankee Stadium bleachers with his 8-year-old son. Granted, Cashman is not "tall," but Cashman in 12-inch stiletto heels could at least look of average height from certain angles.
This girl - She fits every description and, by dating her, Jeter would unquestionably re-establish his status as sports king of New York.