ESPN

At the Stage Deli in New York City, there are 31 sandwiches named after celebrities, but only five of those are in homage of athletes -- The Derek Jeter, The Alex Rodriguez, The Pedro Martinez, The Paul LoDuca and The Tiger Woods. Thanks to #cashtag, the Twitter game that's sweeping the nation (@ReillyRick), we can change all that.

I asked my followers to invent new sandwiches for jocks, and I started with a few suggestions:

The John Daly: Hamburger, double cheese, triple mayo -- toasted.

The Tim Tebow: You order one and, suddenly, it serves 500.

The Curt Schilling: It spills ketchup on your sock.

The Brian McNamee: You eat it and then save the napkin for 10 years.

The Manu Ginobili: Ham on ham topped with ham on two slices of floppy ham.

We got hundreds of them, but the best was this one from Mark Brantner (@OneArrogantSOB):

The Warren Sapp: No bread.

As such, Mr. Brantner, you just won $7.93, the exact price of the grilled-cheese sandwich plate at Denny's, plus beverage. Your arrogance, in this case, is well deserved.

These entries were not quite sandwich worthy, but tasty just the same:

The Kevin Na: Hold the mayo, hold the mayo, hold the mayo, hold the mayo. I guess I will have mayo.

@SLUCWells

The Ryan Braun: You order it Saturday, but it doesn't get there till Monday.

Matthew Tiffany @matthew_tiffany

The Roger Goodell: You have no say in what goes on it.

Derek Lippincott @derrrrrique

The Wilt: Over 20,000 served.

MayJason Martens @wbbcoachmartens

The LeBron James: Voted best-looking sandwich but guaranteed you can't finish the whole thing.

@ls_0nly

The Jean Van De Velde: Classic French dip.

@sri52280

The Marshawn Lynch: PB and Skittles with no crust.

Jace Magavern @JaceMagavern

The T.O.: A delicious BLT, but you drop it on the way to the table.

@MotrinAbel

The Erik Spoelstra: It gets stale.

Travis Reed @doreedo1420

The Bobby Petrino: Comes with a side dish.

Thomas Moore @MooreJunk

The John Calipari: After one, you're done.

Michael Kaplun @MichaelKaplun

The Roger Clemens: You order it and the waiter brings it to your wife.

@TravisLay_BSB

The Jamie Moyer: First sandwich with no expiration date.

Jordan Coffey @JCoff10

Sadly, there was no entry from my brother, who's on a diet.

Let's get straight to the griping, shall we?

TIGER AND HIS HALF BROTHER

... in which I described how the body and finances of Tiger Woods' 53-year-old half brother, Kevin Woods, are being ravaged by MS, and how his family is exasperated at not being able to contact Tiger for the past six years.

This should be your last column about Tiger. This column just proves that he is an arrogant, self serving [expletive]. It is so sad that some people still worship him.

-- Jim. M.

You have written columns that have made me laugh, and some that have made me cry, but nothing you have written has ever touched me like Monday's column about Kevin Woods. I was diagnosed with MS in 2007 and my entire family has been supportive of me. I have not had nearly as many problems as Kevin has, but the past five years have still been difficult enough that I could not have made it without them. ... I hope Kevin gets to keep his house and that his doctors get his disease under control.

-- Mary Koppenhofer

Your column on Tiger Woods' half-brother was irresponsible. Unless you have half-siblings, this is a family dynamic that you simply cannot understand and thus territory upon which you should not tread. ... This one crossed the line.

-- Randy Helmy

Why does Tiger Woods' step family need Tiger to help? They have each other and a mother to help. Step children are not necessarily close to each other, especially when different mothers are involved. Once the step children grow up, why would they be interested in the step family? Maybe Kevin can move in with his real brother/sister or mother.

-- Esper

First of all, this is not a step family. These are half siblings. Tiger and these three people had the same father, Earl Woods.

Second of all, these people contend they have not asked Tiger for money. What they want is to let Tiger know how bad Kevin has gotten with MS and how he may lose his San Jose home. Of course, they'd love financial help for him, but they all maintain that the most important thing to them, and especially to Kevin, is being able to update him, to speak to him, to hear from him.

Thirdly, Kevin can't move into his brother Earl's house, because he lives in Phoenix. And he can't move into his sister Royce's house because it has stairs and Kevin has a dog that wouldn't work there. And he can't move into his mom's house because she lives in Modesto. Kevin is at a crossroads.

I was trying to find out why Tiger won't return their calls, but Tiger wouldn’t return MY calls. He may have a very good reason, but the half-family has no idea what it is. Tiger's people said he couldn't talk to me because he was "preparing for the Masters." But the request went out four days before the Masters began, on that Sunday. By not commenting -- his right, of course -- he risks looking guilty of the very thing his half family is accusing him of -- indifference.

A lot of Tweople (@ReillyRick) condemned the timing of the column, as it came out the Tuesday before the Masters. But this column was not delayed for any disingenuous reason. I was given a tip on this story on Saturday, March 24, in Phoenix, at the Sweet Sixteen. I began working on it that next Tuesday, after I'd written the Rick Pitino column, and it took five days to get the half-siblings' side of the story before I knew what to ask Tiger.

TEMPEST IN THE TIGER

...in which I seem to have become the national clearinghouse for people disgusted by Tiger's temper tantrums on the golf course.

Why don't you and fellow announcers quit brown-nosing Tiger and comment on his inappropriate behavior at the Masters for throwing and kicking clubs when he makes a poor shot? [Gary] McCord gets banned from Augusta for a comment that the [Augusta] hierarchy deems inappropriate. [But] Tiger, because he adds to your ratings, can do whatever he pleases and just be called a competitor, a warrior and a man fighting to reclaim his greatness. Give us a break and report the truth.

-- Woody

It's bizarre how people see me when it comes to Tiger. I'm some kind of human Rorschach test. It runs about half ("All you do is kiss Tiger's butt!") and half ("Why don't you get off Tiger's butt?").

But this letter made me slap my forehead so loud they could hear it at the back of the plane.

I was one of the first voices -- and by far the loudest -- to call Tiger to the front of the classroom for his increasingly vile behavior on the course, which started to get disgusting at the 2009 British Open at Turnberry. I did a video essay on it then (comparing him as a kind of Goofus to Tom Watson's Gallant). I've criticized him dozens and dozens of times on "SportsCenter" and in columns for his language, his petulance and his bratty ways. I've begged for anybody to do anything, up to and including a spanking. He is, by far, the best-known golfer to kids, and plenty of them now think it's cool.

Now, after Tiger kicked his 9-iron on the 16th tee Saturday at the Masters, and was caught swearing by microphones Sunday, I think it's up to Billy Payne, chairman of Augusta National. Payne needs to issue a public rebuke of him. He has criticized Tiger's behavior before, in front of the world, over the sex scandal. It's time to issue a statement again, which should read:

"Be advised all Masters competitors: Augusta National will NOT tolerate the throwing or kicking or slamming of clubs on our grounds, nor the abuse of bags or balls, during the Masters, or at any time. Those who do will be asked to leave the premises immediately and will not be invited back." That would do it.

TEBOW OUT, MANNING IN

... in which I described how Broncos exec John Elway found the perfect way to Jet-tison Tim Tebow without hurting any feelings and land the biggest fish in NFL free-agent history, Peyton Manning.

In Peyton's first year, he threw more interceptions than touchdowns, his completion stat was 56% and his rating was 71 (lower than Tebow's in 2011). So, in your opinion, Manning should have been dumped in Year 2 or never given an opportunity to improve? Why not give Tebow the benefit of the doubt? How about a team that invests in him the way Indy invested in Manning, not half-assed like Denver did? And let's face it, Mr. Ed Elway never did. If you are not going to personally give Tebow a fair shake, then how about report on Tebow fairly?

-- David Gallagher

Slanderous accusations at me aside, (A) Tebow is not one-half as talented as Manning, not in his second year, not now, not ever; (B) Manning was a No. 1 overall draft choice whose promise was immense while Tebow was a stretch at No. 25 overall; and (C) I have an idea that Elway, who has watched nearly every NFL practice and game Tebow has ever had, knows what he's seeing. And you're welcome for cleaning up your spelling. You, too, hit about 56 percent.

How are you going to write one column all about advising Peyton to go to Denver and then give Elway all the credit [when] Peyton listens to you?

-- T. Newmyer

Good point. I deserve 10 percent of the $96 million.

You got this one wrong, Rick. Elway is NOT getting a free ride on bringing Manning in and booting Tebow. He WILL be blamed if this doesn't work out and we are left with nothing. He better hope Tebow never gets it, because even if Manning plays for the next few years (I doubt there will be a Super Bowl, we still have a terrible team) and Tim is successful elsewhere, we will crucify him. No statues for John.

-- Donna Yost

I'm going to wince every time Manning takes a hit. I've had five spinal fusions, count 'em, five, on my lumbar vertebrae -- all five of which have come within the span of six years. There's a reason I've had five surgeries, and that's because each one preceding the next hasn't worked. My point is that, like the United States, Denver is only one shot away from Plan B, and if that were to happen at least they'd have a proven winner, in Tebow, to take the helm. I think the Broncos would've been better off keeping Tebow, and giving Peyton two or three years to mentor him.

-- Roger

It wouldn't have worked. The first interception Manning threw wearing the Predominantly Orange, the fans would've been screaming for Tebow. Manning would've had no chance to get used to his new receivers, his new system, his new team. Chaos would've reigned in the locker room. You want the Broncos to start a QB who won five games last season by scoring 18 points or fewer? Over Peyton Freaking Manning? Tebow's 2011 season was shocking, I admit, but more than half of his wins were due entirely to the defense and kicker Matt Prater.

You seem to give Elway the lion's share of the credit for this situation. However, I suggest Elway was far more lucky than good. Manning leaving the Colts and becoming available at the time Elway wanted to guide the Broncos away from Tebowmania was simply fortuitous. As Elway himself commented, he had no Plan B and, in fact, if Manning had not become available, no Plan A for leaving Tebow. Nothing wrong with Elway being lucky -- after all, the detective's mantra is: it's good to be good and better to be lucky -- but at the same time, does not warrant erecting a statue of Elway.

-- Kenneth

Of course Elway got lucky. He might as well have gold monkeys popping out of his mouth. Luck was all over this deal. If the Colts had won two more games, the Colts probably wouldn't have released Manning because they wouldn't have had the first pick to take Luck and this doesn't happen. If Manning's favorite QB as a boy isn't Elway, this probably doesn't happen. If Denver doesn't have the same low-media, hometown feel of Indianapolis, this probably doesn't happen. If Elway hadn't won two Super Bowls after 36, as Manning aches to do, this probably doesn't happen. But are you people saying even if all this hadn't happened, there shouldn't be a statue of Elway? Are you smoking shrubbery? Of course there will be a statue of Elway in Denver. If there can be a demonic blue horse with red eyes menacing visitors at Denver International Airport, a statue that fell on and killed its sculptor, then there will surely be a statue of Elway somewhere.

It is amazing how quickly you guys are willing to write off Tebow. Your logic is that you should rather do a five-year contract with a one-time Super Bowl quarterback with very dubious health issues, give him $96M, and say, "Elway will not be blamed for trying, rather than keep hold of an up-and-coming quarterback with exceptional WINNING mentality?!! Granted, Manning was an extraordinary quarterback and I hope he will not get seriously hurt when he will get hit with this Broncos defense. If Manning does not get injured, and the fans in Denver don't chant Tebow's name next season, I'll send you a case of my favorite French wine.

-- Sig Fusk

Too late. You just sent me a whine.

PEYTON MANNING TRIBUTE

... in which I thanked the legendary QB for the effort he gave, the manners he showed, and the loyalty he had to his franchise, even if it wasn't, in the end, returned.

Thank YOU for the wonderful article on Peyton Manning. As a 20-year resident of Indy, Peyton and I have crossed paths on occasion. He was always gracious, down to earth and classy. One time in particular I literally bumped into him at the Final Four at the Dome. I stepped out of the suite to use the restroom, and walked right into him. He was walking with Eli, and took the time to introduce himself to me and to Eli. I'm 6-foot-7, so he made some comment about running into a tree, then patted my back and walked on. I will never forget how friendly he was.

-- Wes Van Bruggen

OK, Mr. Manning was a terrific footballer. A pretty decent multimillionaire, as self-obsessed professional athletes go, these days. BUT, HONESTLY, after four neck/cervical spine operations don't you think prudence (and surgeons) would urge retirement? What is it with celebrities, anyway? So few ever know when to get off the stage. This player doesn't need the money and there's little more for him to achieve in the sport. Who is Mr. Manning listening to? Or, maybe the question should be, who is he kidding?

-- P.J. Andros

Hey, P.J., how would YOU like to be told when to retire by Peyton Manning? And not just retire from work, but from the greatest passion of your life, from the most-fun thing you do, from all your friends? And do ... do ... do what? Play golf the rest of your life? At 36? Don't tell people how to run their lives. That's my job.

I guess now I have to relinquish the boycott I imposed on reading your articles (this is the first time I've done it since the Jimmer article and I'm glad I did).

-- Daniel Field

So my forking over $5,000 to Jimmer's charity wasn't enough to earn your forgiveness? Tough reader.

CAREER-PATH ADVICE FOR MANNING

... in which I objectively and comprehensively rated the four cities Manning had to choose from -- Nashville, Phoenix, Miami and Denver -- and decided the best bet would be Denver, which happens to be my hometown. Manning took the advice. And do I get any thanks? No. All I get is thrown tomatoes from you people.

Crime rate. On the Manning situation ... about 25 years ago they did a study about cites with clean air and murder rates (in the Miami Herald ). Its results were that Miami had clean air and the highest murder rate in the country. So the Herald stated that if you are in Miami and have trouble breathing, don't worry, it's not the air, you have been shot.

-- Mike Grysko

You said that the Titans didn't have any receivers that people recognized in uniform. I don't how you can get that when they have Kenny Britt. Yes, he got hurt last year, but he was having another amazing season till he got hurt. Then Nate Washington stepped his game up and had the best statistical season he has ever had. Then the last few games of the season Jared Cook became a huge target and go-to guy. The Titans, in my opinion, have the best group of receivers and tight ends out of the three teams left.

-- Ryan Markham

Yes, Jared Cook is definitely a go-to guy. As in, "I've got to go to somebody else."

ANDREW LUCK

... in which I described how watching Luck work out at his home campus of Stanford was an astonishing experience, how NFL assistant coaches come to watch him the way people used to come to watch Bo Jackson hit in the cage, and how I hadn't seen such a sure-fire NFL QB star since I made the same trip to see John Elway at Stanford in 1983.

You wrote ...

Well, after reading your article on Andrew Luck, who I admire as a person more than a player, just a simple question: Do you believe Luck will impact the NFL on the field as quickly and as powerful as Cam Newton did?

-- Jerry Pitts

Well, the Colts are a de facto expansion team right now. He's going to need a few dozen players. But I think Luck will, in the end, be even better than Newton, and I think Newton has a chance to be great.

RGIII and Luck are both amazing prospects and are sure to have some success in the NFL, they seem to be practically even on most quarterbacking aspects, but RGIII did win the Heisman, is a better athlete and seems to be slightly better than Luck in some ways. So my question is if RGIII was white, do you think that Luck wouldn't be the presumed slam dunk for the first overall pick?

-- Edwin

Wow. Thought we were past all that. So you think winning the Heisman entitles the player to be No. 1 in the draft? Or do you just think it's the color of his skin that demands it?

LARRY AND MAGIC

... in which I shared the highlights of a one-hour conversation I had with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird at an event in Beaver Creek, Colo., near Vail.

I really enjoyed the article on Larry and Magic, because it showed how two competitors like those two can really relate to one another as human beings off the floor.

-- Richard Evitts

What were Magic and Bird doing in Beaver Creek?

-- Jerry Butler

It was a corporate event.

Great interview!! How does it stack with some of the other interviews you've done in the past?

-- Gregory Jerrell

I've been lucky to do so many great ones: All three Mannings at once, interviewing President Clinton while playing golf, having Muhammad Ali pretend to fall asleep on me and then suddenly having him jump up and choke me, the Josh Hamilton "Homecoming" interview (gripping), the Magic "Homecoming," writing books with Charles Barkley and Wayne Gretzky, and hundreds of other hilarious and sentimental ones along the way. But that one has to be in the top 10. Bird was just so deadpan funny, staring at his feet while amazing things came out of his mouth. And Magic jumping up out of his chair every five minutes to expound on some point he was making about Bird's greatness and introversion. And backstage you couldn't get them apart.

MAGIC AND THE DODGERS

... in which I asked in a "SportsCenter" video essay, "What American athlete has meant more to a city than Magic Johnson to Los Angeles?"

The comment you made that Magic buying the Dodgers was more important than Mario Lemieux and the Penguins is just ridiculous. The Dodgers might be having some attendance issues but they would never be a threat to relocate. Mario bought the Penguins out of bankruptcy and got the team a new stadium so they could stay in Pittsburgh. I recognize that to sell a story you have to speak with some hyperbole but you come off clueless when you make a comment like that.

-- Cullen Hagan

I disagree. The Dodgers were in the darkest days in the 50 years since they moved to Chavez Ravine. But let's grant your point that Mario Lemieux bailed the Penguins out of a bigger hole. How many championships did Mario bring to Pittsburgh, vs. Magic? Two vs. five. Did he ever coach them? No. Did he revitalize their inner-city with hundreds of millions in investments? Hire gang members? Open an inner-city health clinic? Have a profound effect on two of Pittsburgh's pro teams? No.

Granted, Mario established the Mario Lemieux Foundation, which raises money for cancer research. He was also a founder of Athletes for Hope, which seeks to help other athletes in their effort to contribute to their communities. Still, Magic’s impact has been greater over all.

A SOFTER RICK PITINO

... in which I describe how coach Rick Pitino has mellowed with age in Louisville, and the team he brought into the Final Four in New Orleans was his favorite since his 1987 Providence squad.

I have been one of many who always looked at Pitino as a little too slick and a little too arrogant. After the infidelity/blackmail scandal, the small part of me thought he finally got his comeuppance. Your article not only made me a little ashamed of myself (he whose slate is clean and all that), but also renewed my commitment to be a little less judgmental and a little more forgiving of folks.

-- Jim Cleveland

I am not familiar with the Biblical phrase, "He whose slate is clean ..." Is it in the Book of Comeuppance?

I find it stunning that you wrote an article supporting Pitino while you still bash Tiger Woods. Don't get me wrong, I love that someone in the media shows dislike for Tiger's off-the-course actions. But weren't Pitino's actions bad as well? I'm not defending Tiger. I'm not bashing Pitino. I'm just curious how you can have empathy for one and not the other?

-- Tyler Miller

Pitino was tarnished with one alleged act of infidelity. Tiger had 14 of them.

I think referring to Kentucky as "Voldemorts" is terribly unjust and horribly inappropriate. By using this analogy, you imply good against evil and to the kids on the Wildcats team, that is grossly unfair. They are not evil. Just a group of kids who happen to be extremely talented and unselfish enough to play together in beautiful harmony. Call them Goliaths, or Juggernauts or the Best Team in the Land, but DON'T you dare refer to them in any way as evil just because you may not be a fan. Shame on you!

-- Judith Flickinger

Oh, just chillax, Aunt Bea.

THE HESLIP AFFAIR

... in which I asked people to guess which one of 15 Sweet Sixteen storylines was fake. It was the one about Baylor sharpshooting guard Brady Heslip looking so unlike a basketball player that he missed a game this season when security arrested him outside the arena for trying to "sneak" in. Many of you are not careful readers.

Why would you fabricate an untruth about Brady Heslip like that? Is this what is supposed to pass for journalism or just an inside look at your journalistic integrity? Excuse me, I mean lack thereof.

-- Mike Whitis

I believe your piece about Brady Heslip is incorrect. He is 6-foot-2, not 5-foot-6 and he was not arrested before the Baylor-Missouri game. I can't find any reliable article that even says he was stopped by a security guard.

-- Conrad

Oy.

WRITING

... in which I ... oh, hell, you'll see.

What is the biggest secret in becoming a great sports writer?

-- Eric Jackson

As a 19-year-old aspiring sportswriter, I've been having trouble coming up with creative metaphors and analogies .... Whenever I read others' works, such as yours, I can understand the references right off the bat, and more often than not, get a quick chuckle out of myself while doing so. The problem is, as soon as I finish the sentence, I usually find myself thinking, "There is no way I would've thought of that in a million years." Do you have any tips and advices for me?

-- Michael Peng

My No. 1 goal when I write is to come up with sentences that jump off the page and poke you between the eyes, sentences that create an immediate word picture in your mind. For instance, you might write, "There is no way I would've thought of that if I were trapped for a year in a closet with a keg of Red Bull." Coming up with sentences that have never been written before may leave you sitting in the media room while everybody else is fast asleep, but it makes your writing fresh and different.

I became homeless about six weeks ago. I used to work about 60 to 70 hours a week until I was laid off. I never had time to read a lot of books. As I'm sitting in my car feeling sorry for myself I started reading your books -- all of them. I came to realize that a lot of people had it worse than I do. You have a way of writing that made me feel like you were in the car seat next to me telling me these stories. Thank you again as you have brought my spirits up. I get to come to the library two hours a day to look for work on the Internet so I'm hoping things will change quickly.

-- Mike McCart

Library? Go BUY my books, you cheapskate!

(Kidding! Anybody got a job for this guy?)

This week's #cashtag on Twitter was #ToPlayAugustaIWould ...

Apparently, you people would do a lot of sketchy things to yourself to play Augusta National, home of the Masters. Many of them were unprintable and also un-doable. You were cutting off body parts that I'm not sure exist.

Anyway, Randy Wilson (@uncrandy) is the winner of $7.93 (equivalent of a grilled cheese sandwich meal at Denny's). Randy, my wife will send you a check, which actually do still exist.

THE WINNER OF A CHEESE SANDWICH

#ToPlayAugustaIWould ... Play the round with 3 women members .................oh wait.

-- Randy Wilson @uncrandy

NEARLY THE WINNERS OF CHEESE SANDWICHES

... Ride on a motorcycle with bobby petrino

-- kyle amy @kja5073

... swim in a kiddie pool of John Daly's sweat

-- BlouWaffle @BlouWaffle

...Escort lebron james through the streets of Cleveland, with art modell

-- cmaiden07 @cmaiden07

...give Craig Stadler a sponge bath

-- oneofmanymikes @oneofmanymikes

... tell Mike Tyson his tattoo is ugly

-- justinhackman @justinhackman

... become one of the top 50 golfers in the PGA. It's a little unconventional, but it just might work.

-- ryanrichter8 @ryanrichter8

STILL PRETTY GOUDA

...let Charles Barkley give me pointers

-- wmiller1245 @wmiller1245

... run naked across the 18th hole.

-- ilovesports7 @ilovesports7

... reject Kate Upton.

-- NSF_Alex @NSF_Alex

... be the pool cleaner for the Jersey Shore hot tub

-- Brad Watson  @watty14

... answer all of your hate mail for a month.

-- Chris Yates @The_ChrisYates

... trade hairlines with Lebron

-- whatsthatsmELLE @whatsthatsmELLE

... watch a game of catch between sanchez and tebow

-- mulroy23 @mulroy23

... get a foot massage from rex ryan

-- BrettDietrich @BrettDietrich

... let Tiger treat me like the 9-iron he just kicked on the 16th tee at Augusta.

-- bardel @bardel

... challenge Jessica Simpson 2 an all u can eat buffet battle

-- Paytodd1 @Paytodd1

... Wear a pink suit on national television.

-- will lane @willlaneII

This week, for absolutely no reason, I'll be making small, sometimes snarky comments after some of this week's notable #Cashtag entries, which was #SportsWouldBeBetterIf.

These will be denoted with an asterisk.

But first, you need to know that #Cashtag will take this coming week off for National Farm Safety Week.

You people should be declared Commissioners of All Sports and then we'd finally get some things done. Many ideas were actually brilliant and useful. Those aren't the ones we picked, of course, but thank you.

And now, the winner of $7.93 (equivalent of a grilled cheese sandwich, fries and Coke at Denny's):

Steroid users' punishment was shots of estrogen.

Tyler Miller @tbidness27

*By now, Jose Canseco would be Gloria Estefan.

Send me your address, Tyler, and you'll get a check out of my personal account for $7.93. If you pay the Mitt Romney rate, you'll owe $1.11 in taxes on this income.

Very good tries and yet winners of $0 of my money

Instead of the long ball, chicks dug fat guys sitting around watching people hit the long ball.

Thomas Cochran @TFCochran

The bounties for each NFL player were listed on the Jumbotron.

Todd228 @Todd228

*This would be especially helpful to the targeted players.

Every time a soccer player dove you got to actually kick them where they claimed to be injured.

Ben Wakely @bwakes4

You could vote players off the court.

Andrew Doran @apdoran

Owners bare-knuckle boxed each other before every game.

Leland Mitchinson @lsmitch14

*I'd take Colts' owner Jim Irsay.

The only lockouts were on Charles Barkley's fridge.

Lucas Giampa @lucasgiampa

Rex Ryan had to lose one pound for every prediction gone wrong.

Adam E. @DrKnafa

*By now, he'd be Gloria Estefan.

I didn't grow up in Cleveland

Kyle Trent @kyle_trent

At every press conference, the player said, "Of course it was about the money."

Scott Warden @scott_warden

*I especially enjoyed Irsay saying, "This isn't about the money" at the Peyton Manning press conference, one day before he would've had to pay him $28 million.

The thunderstick and vuvuzela had never been invented.

mark steenback @steenback2

If a #16 seed upset a #1 seed, they had to switch schools the following year.

Ben Holling @BenHolling

*"I'll be attending Harvard-at-Chapel Hill this semester."

Still Pretty Gouda

Lucky seat of the game plays CF for Mets

Ed Ahearn @MolsonMailman

*Somebody saw this and tweeted, "No, that would make the Mets themselves better."

They yelled 'Get in the hole!' at every event other than golf.

LB @dr_mistermann

*Would work at hockey, billiards, basketball, but not funerals.

Being an owner was an elected position.

Rusty Nail @RustyNail215

The Cubs would have let the Billy Goat in.

Kevin Vedder @vedderkj

Football teams were allowed one invisible player

Nick Seiler @nick_seiler

*Except for the Redskins, who already have Rex Grossman.

I could get a cheese sandwich at the game for less than $7.94

Wade @footewade

The PGA outlawed white orthopedic golf shoes

Lucas Giampa @lucasgiampa

*Yes! Thank you!

There was a 4-point line in basketball.

Kyle Stroud @leviticus65

Losing teams faced Mayan penalties.

Reilly Capps @ReillyCapps

*One of the penalties was death to the loser. You think instead of booing, they hollered, "Get in the hole!"?

MLB allowed one player on steroids per team.

Adam Grmusa @Orange15

*As opposed to five?

The cheerleaders of each team in the tourney played dodge ball at halftime.

rick garland @rickgarland

Halfway through a race, NASCAR required everyone to do a u-turn

Justin Ebert @jebert19

NFL water boys were mic'd up.

Rob Kelly @Br0ccoliRob

*Also, they should hide a microphone under the pitching mound, in the goalie's mask and on every caddie.

Peyton was signed by Denver & Tebowed after his 1st TD pass there.

Scott Jones @jscottjones

All the figure skaters competed at the same time. Full contact triple axels!!

Josh @jwshack

*I'd take Jim Irsay.

Kobe trusted his teammates

AJ Riney @Mr_Riney

If the Refs, officials and umps had to answer questions from the media after every game

Todd Amerman @Paytodd1

*Would've come in especially handy after the Syracuse-UNC Asheville game.

NBA regular season games start in the fourth quarter...when players start trying.

Sean Gannon @SeanGannon2

The national anthem was easier to sing.

Michael Aumock @mjaumock

If athletes had to renegotiate contract after a bad year

Shawn Pinsent @spin033

NASCAR had demolition derby.

Brian Baughman @doublebizzle

*I'd take Danica Patrick.

Beer at the ballpark made you more polite.

Michael Aumock @mjaumock

*And went straight to your biceps.

NCAA football had playoffs

Curtis Hajec @CurtisHajec

*OK, now you're just getting ridiculous.

Before we announce the winner of last week's #cashtag -- sentences that have #NeverBeenUttered -- we need to tell you what happened to the winners from the last two weeks.

1) The guy who won for #LamestJockMoment, Wes Katagi ... ("7th grade swim meet. I won the 50M freestyle race only to be informed it was the breast stroke event") ... donated his $7.93, plus another $13.07, for a total of $20, to Nothing But Nets, our anti-malaria bednet campaign in Africa. Genius!

2) The guy who won for #WorstSportsMascot ... (Mindy, the Pregnant Groupie) ... Jay Bellwoar, actually DID buy a grilled-cheese sandwich at Denny's with his money and tweeted this picture to prove it. This is history, people. Photo by Rose Covalesky.

Furthermore, you need to know that this week's #cashtag is #SportsWouldBeBetterIf.

For instance, if you wrote, "#SportsWouldBeBetterIf ... You got to hit again after a home run" you might win $7.93!

Or if you wrote, "All of Cleveland's teams were switched with all of Boston's teams" you might win $7.93.

Or if you wrote, "Swimsuit models delivered the magazine directly to your house" you might win $7.93.

#NeverBeenUttered, meanwhile, proved to be a fertile ground for your odd minds. It was our most successful #Cashtag ever, in terms of making me blow cereal milk out my nose. As usual, the best ones were too dirty to print.

WINNER OF $7.93 (taxable income)

"Tim Tebow... You ARE the father."
Jake Snyder @JakeSnyder1865

EXCELLENT YET WINNERS OF NO CHEESE SANDWICH

"What are your academic standards, Mr. Calipari?"
Jim Bucher @JimBucher70

"How much to ship the Lombardi Trophy to Cleveland?"
Nick Chastain @fetus45056nc

"Rex Ryan was speechless."
Josh @jwshack

"I can't go out tonight guys, there is a WNBA game on."
Luke Daugherty @lukedaugherty11

"Ripken playing today?"
Brian Green @greenmobe

"Lucas Oil Stadium: The House that Irsay Built."
Jefferson Boswell @jeffersonboz

"Mr. Kobayashi, would you like a box for your leftovers?"
Dayton Martindale @DaytonRMartind

"I'm full." - Charles Barkley
Adam Evans #BCSsucks @AdamHashtagEvan

STILL PRETTY GOUDA

"Antonio Cromartie.....you are NOT the father!"
Ian Michael @DieFacingTheSun

"Polamalu, get a haircut!"
Alex K. @Number1CSUFan

"And Blake Griffin goes up for a layup."
David Manners @DavidManners

"Peyton Manning was such a d*ck for leaving Indy the way he did."
Travis Reed @doreedo1420

"Please give a warm welcome to our keynote speaker, Leon Spinks."
Dean Smith @Deanmsmith

"Carmelo Anthony is really trying to get his teammates involved tonight."
Brandon Adams @superbranman

"Mike Vick, would u mind dog sitting for me this weekend?"
Elle Hagedorn @whatsthatsmELLE

"Not tonight, Wilt, I have a headache"
Scott Coe @scoutcannon

"The safety's on, Mr. Burress."
Adam Mack @AdamAMack

"The ball really jumps off the bat here at Petco Park."
Bob Brainerd @BobBrainerd

"Welcome to the Palms Mr. Dykstra, can we offer you a line of credit during your stay?"
Randy @965Randy

"I simply must know who your tailor is, Mr. Sager."
Jeff LeMaster @TheJeffLeMaster

"The Bulls would have been nothing without Bill Wennington."
Derek Lippincott @derrrrrique

"Yo Lebron, great fourth quarter"
Judd Liebman @Juddtl

"Thank god we're still paying Bobby Bonilla."
Dan Beach @themagicrat88

"Jamie Moyer officially retires."
Dustin schemmel @schem_hut

"We couldn't keep up with Ben Crane's group."
Curt Goodwin @CurtOU

"Congratulations Danica, you passed the defensive driving test with flying colors!"
Nick Seiler @nick_seiler

"Michael Jordan for NBA Executive of the year!"
Chris Burns @burnsbleedsblue

"Thanks for the pass, Kobe"
Ross MacPherson @RossMacPherson8

"Sorry Mr. Zuckerman, your credit card has been declined..."
Jay Stalnaker @jaystalnaker420

"My bracket has Northwestern going to the sweet sixteen!"
Jeffrey Aday @JeffreyAday

“I’m really looking forward to working with Todd Haley."
mendo_matt @MileHiBroncoGuy

"What a dunk by Derek Fisher"
Dhruv Madeka @DhruvMadeka

"We never should've gotten rid of Jamarcus Russell.
@billadelphia14 ... billy Grenfell

"Saints defense reportedly kept secret "Build-a-Bear" fund"
Nicolas Lewis @DoctorGeeves

AND THE WEEKLY ONE FROM MY BROTHER
"Augusta National is offering a Buy One, Get One Free deal (includes cart)."
John Reilly @peachrules

This week's #Cashtag is sentences that have #NeverBeenUttered. For instance, "Shaq, go shoot the technical for us."

Or, "Ran into Tim Tebow at FlashDancers last night."

Or, "Tiger, I'd like you to meet my sister."

Tweet a good one to me @ReillyRick and you could win a whopping $7.93, the approximate cost of a grilled cheese sandwich, fries and Coke at Denny's. (Tip not included.)

Be sure to include the #NeverBeenUttered hashtag or I won't see it. And it's got to be sports or you've got no chance. Because while "My moral compass is Lindsay Lohan" is a good one, this is a sports deal.

And now for the winner of last week's #Cashtag -- #MyLamestJockMoment.

FIRST PLACE
7th grade swim meet. I won the 50M freestyle race only to be informed it was the breast stroke event.
Wes Katagi @WesKatagi

I'm following you now Wes, so DM me your address and my wife will send you a check out of our account for $7.93. If you actually do get a cheese sandwich somewhere, please have the decency to send me a picture of you eating it.

VERY GOOD BUT WINNERS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
In 9th grade, I was all alone on a fast break, and I passed it up to a teammate, who ended up being the ref.
Nick Hanson @hanson_nick

1983 pickup game in Seattle. Went up for jumper; Danny Vranes blocked it off my head. Still have mark.
Greg Howard @GregoryHoward

The time I was flirting with a girl at baseball and than made a great catch...with my left eye.
Phillip Resnick @PhillipResnick

When my coach benched me and said "It's not your fault. It's my fault for having you in there."
Jerry Larkin @jerry_larkin

The time in HS I made all 3 outs of the inning as my team batted around
Nick Hodgins @NickHodgins

College Golf match, first hole, my practice swing divot knocks ball off tee—of my opponent mid-swing.
Rob Kemp @rfk2012

I airmailed a throw to first and hit a grandma in the face from shortstop. They didn't start the inning until the ambulance left
Adam Korson @scotslb32

Cruised in for an easy layup on my own basket in a JV basketball game. Wondered why there was no defense...
Bennett Evan @bennettevan

FAKE BUT FUNNY
The time I struck out looking in teeball.
Tyler Woods @W_Toods

(via Ahmad Bradshaw) When I scored the Super Bowl winning touchdown
Nick Sirois @siroisn

"I sneezed, threw my back out, refused a PED test and forgot the English language" -Sammy Sosa.
Zak! Failla @zakfailla

Having my golf ball retriever regripped...
Dan Dal Degan @Triple_Deee

STILL PRETTY GOUDA
My first triple double. (turnovers, minutes played, shots blocked)
Graham Waldrop @GrahamWaldrop

During halftime football coach speech, I got up to grab a water bottle. Coach yelled "40, did you even play?"
@pawnstar10 @pawnstar10

Playing football in front of my middle school, I caught a pass, turned up field and ran into a HUGE tree! 1 concussion later....
Jesse Brown @jesserb306

HS BBall tie game ... thought clock said 3sec, but was 13. Heaved long 3, fast break other way for layup & loss
Nate Golomb @nategolomb

The fact that my throwing up before every football game became a good luck ritual for my team
Chase Harris @ChaseNTheHole

Playing Bethpage and shot one under car. Sliced into parking lot.
kayden deratter @kayden_knows

Playing street football last week, laid out a 4 year old. Lamest moment ... for her. For me it was awesome.
@ReillyCapps

On senior night I tore off my warmups.. forgot to put my bball shorts on. In front of the student section.
Thomas Kierl @kierl_t

I got frustrated with my play in street bball. Slammed ball down. It bounces up. nails my nose. Blood everywhere
Ethan Grau @TUBBSHawks

Hit for the anti cycle: strikeout, groundout, flyout, lineout. More than once
sam lubman @samlubman59

Right fielder makes amazing catch, coach says to me: "Wow. Glad I took you out. Aren't you?"
Brian Wallheimer @wally3298

I was throwing BP in high school and threw the ball over the entire backstop.
Richard Bazemore @pheasant_hunter

When I pulled my right hamstring running to first base followed by me pulling my left hamstring rounding for second.
Preston Young @pyou10

I had more sportsmanship awards than baskets in High School Basketball
Troy Heffron @troy_tweets

I was cut from the h.s. golf team after the first 3 holes of tryouts. Tryouts were supposed to last 3 days
Josh @jwshack

AND, OF COURSE, THE TRADITIONAL ONE FROM MY BROTHER
My brother's team lost the game when I miscalled a "foul" ball "fair" ... Mom hollered "kill the ump!"
@Peachrules (John Reilly)

His entire umpiring career lasted that one game.

You people are sick, twisted and definitely out-of-round. This is why I like you so much.

Approximately 93 percent of your answers to this week's #Cashtag: #WorstSportsMascots were so dirty, awful and disgusting that I laughed for hours. Also, my editor said I couldn't use them.

We did have a winner, but, before you find that out, you must learn what this week's #Cashtag is. This week's #Cashtag is #MyLamestJockMoment.

These are your most embarrassing moments in sports. For instance, if you send, "The time I stole second base only to find my teammate already standing on it," you might win $7.93 (approx. price of a grilled cheese sandwich, fries and Coke at Denny's)!

Or ... "The time I set up for a free throw and the cheerleaders sang, 'Brian, Brian! He's our man! If he can't do it! Nobody can!' Except my name is Scott," you might win $7.93!

Or, if you were former Seattle Seahawks linebacker Brian Bosworth and you tweeted, "The time I ran into Bo Jackson," that might be worth $7.93!

Remember to tweet me @ReillyRick or your very-possibly-winning answer will float away to Pluto and perhaps Uranus.

As for me, #MyLamestJockMoment was probably the time I took my position at second base for infield practice for a Boulder (Colo.) High School game and my coach called me back to the dugout. I was sure he was going to give me some intricate piece of strategy for the coming game. Instead, he whispered, "Your pants are inside out."

WINNER #WorstSportsMascots

Mindy, the Pregnant Groupie

-- Jay (@BellsIT)

Jay, DM me your address and my wife will write you a check for $7.93 out of our personal account. As always, please do not hack our account and take everything in it.



VERY GOOD ANSWERS BUT PAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Tommy Tapeworm

--TheAmusedGeek (@TheAmusedGeek)


Phil, the Floating Hypodermic Needle

--Scott Lee (@SleeTweets)


The Boston Buckners

--Jake Barge (@abduljabbarge)


The Phillie Religious Phanatic

--Tim Dwyer (@T_Dwyer)


The Pitt Stain

--Nathaniel Green (@greenpun)


"Punchy" The Philadelphia Crowd Safety Bear

--Rich Kamm (@blueNorangeNY)


Splatz, the formerly flying squirrel

--Scott Hunter (@hunters281)


Penn State Knitting Lion

--Mike Rohr (@mikerohr12)




ALSO GOUDA ...

The WV Mountain Ear

--Jeremy Ratliff (@jratliff3456)


Oral Roberts University's Stretch, the Fighting Dental Dam

--Scott Lee (@SleeTweets)


The Las Vegas Escort

--Joey Ramirez (@Jramirez17)


The Indiana Pacemaker

--John Klaassen (@JohnMKlaassen)


Santa Barbara Neverland Rancher

--Justin Mark (@Justinmarkmusic)


Boston Stranglers

--Andrew Hauschka (@freidasboss)


San Francisco Giant Bottle of Clear

--ProfessorDoel (@ProfessorDoel)


TCU Bongfrogs

--Seth Haselhuhn (@SethHuhn)


The New Jersey Snooki

--Todd Amerman (@Paytodd1uy)


The Taipei Personality

--wolffystyle (@wolffystyle)


The Intercourse, PA Trojan

--n8mcclafferty (@n8mcclafferty)


The Notre Dame Hunchbacks

--Dave K (@dkalmqt)


Santa Monica Lewinskis

--Dean Fagan (@Dffagan)


The Sports Hernia

--MattMoore131313 (@MattMoore131313)


The Cleveland Drives

--Mike Flick (@Flickerbock)


LA Smog

--Schutt (@MikeSchutt1)


The Cincinnati Cellmate

(I lost the name of the person who sent this -- sorry. You also will not be receiving any money.)


Follow me on Twitter! @ReillyRick

And now for something Jeremy Lin didn't do:

Lin didn't win $7.93 (the exact cost of a cheese sandwich, fries and Coke at Denny's) in our first-ever Twitter #Cashtag contest. The #Cashtag subject was #ThinnestSportsBooks.

But before we announce who DID win, we must first announce this week's #Cashtag subject: #WorstSportsMascots.

For instance, if you were to tweet me (@ReillyRick) with "The Cincinnati Cyst" you might win $7.93!

Or if you were to send in, "Sammy the Dyspeptic Seal" you might win $7.93!

Or ... "Mincing Barry" might do it. Think of what you might do with $7.93! Buy 17 Natty Lights?

While you're thinking up those (deadline is Thursday, noon), be inspired by this week's cheesy winner, and the other worthwhile efforts (other worthwhile efforts get no money).



WINNER

"Into Thin Hair" by Troy Polamalu

-- Andrew Luria (@AndrewLuria)

Congrats, Mr. Luria -- Go buy yourself a cheese sandwich! (And look for a check, written by my wife, in your mailbox. Please do not hack our account.)



VERY NEARLY WINNERS:

"Minimizing Turnover in the Workplace" by Jim Irsay

-- Sean Gannon @SeanGannon2



"A Blank Canvas" by Pete Rose's Barber

-- Derek Lippincott @derrrrrique



"Shots I Wouldn't Take: The Kobe Bryant Story."

-- Dan Reidy @DR3IDY



"Knowing When to Walk Away" by Brett Favre

-- Bryon Meyer @bryonmeyer



"A Brief Explanation" by Ed Hoculi

-- Kirk Reuter @donkeyhoatie



"Abstinence" by Antonio Cromartie

-- Bobby Maxwell @theGreatBobino



"Asian Hockey Greats"

-- TheSportsIlluminati @SportIlluminati



"My Life as a Champion" by Anna Kournikova

-- Steve Kniss @stevekniss



"The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction" by Janet Jackson

--Andrew Luria @AndrewLuria



"Clutch When it Counts: The Billy Cundiff Story"

-- Ditty @theDittyLama



"Knowing Your Team's Potential" by Mike D'Antoni

-- Justin Lang @jlang20



"Basketball Practice Drills" by Allen Iverson

-- Zachary Botelho @zbotelho66



"My Life as a Laker" by Chris Paul

-- John ryan @rjohn8106



STILL PRETTY GOUDA:

"It's Not You, It's Me" by Milton Bradley

-- Dave Heraty @Haggerty11



"The Complexity of My Mind" by Ochocinco

-- Scott Palmer @ScottPalmer11



"My Fourth Quarter Heroics" by LeBron James

-- Lewis Addison @lewis_addison



"Field Goal Specs" by Scott Norwood

--Kittens O'Connor @Duquetter



"My Time at Notre Dame" by George O'Leary

-- Jeff Grantz @jefeusc



"Between the Sheets" by Tim Tebow

-- J. Wickham @jawickham



"What Heaven Looks Like" by Al Davis

-- Art Thiel @Art_Thiel



"Sexism and the Media" by Danica Patrick

-- Tim 'Patch' Rogers @Patches_OfLight



"Genetics" by Jimmy The Greek

-- Jason Rowland @firstfireeater



"Weekend at Stevie's" (a pop-up book) by Tiger Woods.

-- John Schnettgoecke @JohnSchnett



"Above The Kim: My Married Life As A Kardashian" by Kris Humphries

--Scott Lee @SleeTweets



"Rich Rodriguez: A Michigan Man."

--Taylor DesOrmeau @TDesOrmeau



"Deep Thoughts" by Rob Gronkowski

-- Dan Hajek @luvboatcptn



"Bad Things John Wooden Did"

--Madeline's Dad @WAMK



"Charlie Weis: Salad My Way"

-- Zack Woodrich @zackwoodrich



"Facial Expressions: Excitement of Variety!" by Bill Belichick

--bradley gillespie @bscottgill



"Pebble Beach on $5 a Day"

-- John Reilly @peachrules

(That last one is my brother. He's funny.)

Follow me on Twitter! @ReillyRick

In my family, when somebody says something funny but useless, we say,

"Congratulations! You just won a cheese sandwich!"

I do not know why. My family is not well.

Anyway, if you're good at tweeting funny but useless stuff, you can win the cash equivalent of a cheese sandwich -- $7.93! (That's roughly the cost of a grilled cheese sandwich, plus fries and a Coke at Denny's. Best I could do.)

All you have to do is go to my Twitter page (@ReillyRick), check out the #Cashtag of the week, and send in the funniest, or catchiest, or stunningly ingenious answer.

For instance, if the #Cashtag is: #ThinnestSportsBooks

... and you send in:

Season in the Clink by Plaxico Burress

... you might get a check for $7.93!

Or if it's: #StuffO.J.MightTweet

... and you send in:

When I get out, I'm going to be GREAT at putts of 12 feet or less.

... you might get a check for $7.93!

Or if it's: #UseANewYorkGiantNameInASentence ...

... and you send in ...

Mom: How you'd do on your essay about Civil War generals, Billy?

Billy: I got a D on Grant.

... you might get a check for $7.93!

Note: True, this is not much money, but this is my own money, not ESPN's money or Disney's money or Chris Berman's money. So please don't hack into my account and take it all.

I'll take one question. You, sir.
You: Isn't this just a "cheesy" way to get new Twitter followers?
Me: No, it's a cheesy way to get new Twitter followers and an easy weekly post.

Rules: You have to be 13 or older, although I have no idea how we're going to check that. Also, by sending in an answer, you agree to let us post it on ESPN and/or let me post it on my Twitter feed. If you win, you owe taxes on this money. Also, if you win, you have to give my wife your address to send the check by snail mail. And no, she won't be coming to your door.



You wish.

More rules: Don't be dirty. Don't be insulting. Answers have to be 140 characters or fewer. See complete official rules below.

And if you rip off somebody else and win and then I find out you stole it, I hope your hair falls out, all at once, while you're being interviewed by Wolf Blitzer.



Rick Reilly #CashTag Official Rules

NO PURCHASE OR PAYMENT NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID
WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.
These are the Official Rules for the Rick Reilly "#Cashtag" Contest (the "Contest") sponsored by ESPN Internet Ventures ("Sponsor").

1. ELIGIBILITY: Open only to legal residents of the United States, 13 years of age or older as of entry date. All employees of Sponsor, its parent company, affiliates, franchisees and subsidiaries, and the immediate families and household members of each, are not eligible to enter or win.

2. ENTRY: Rick Reilly will occasionally tweet a subject out to Twitter containing #Cashtag. To enter the Contest, entrants must submit their responses by utilizing Twitter to tweet them and include #Cashtag in the response. Sponsor is not responsible for technological difficulties that might arise and prevent users from entering the Contest. Sponsor may use your submission online, in print, on television or in any other forms of media. Your submission may be cut, edited and/or added to for any reason and in any manner which Sponsor determines.

3. JUDGING: Rick Reilly will select one (1) winner from all entries submitted for that subject based on the originality and creativity of the response. The decisions of Rick Reilly are final.

4. PRIZE: Rick Reilly will personally issue each winner a check in the amount of $7.93. Winner will be notified through Twitter or by mail, email or phone. If prize notification or attempted notification is returned undeliverable, the prize will be forfeited and may be awarded to an alternate winner. Unclaimed prizes may not be awarded.

5. RELEASE/PERMISSION: By entering, entrants agree to: (1) release the
Sponsor, its parent, subsidiary, affiliated and related companies, and franchisees, and any of their employees, officers, members, directors and agents from all liability, injuries, loss and/or damage of any kind arising from their participation in the Contest and the acceptance, possession and use/misuse of any prize; (2) be bound by the Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor and the judges; and (3) be contacted by email, phone or mail. By accepting a prize, winner consents to the use of his/her name and likeness for potential advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation in all media worldwide.

6. GENERAL: The Contest is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations. The invalidity or enforceability of any provision of these Official Rules shall not affect the validity or enforceability of any other provision. In the event that any provision is determined to be invalid or otherwise unenforceable or illegal, these Official Rules shall otherwise remain in effect and shall be construed in accordance with their terms as if the invalid or illegal provision were not contained herein. Sponsor reserves the right to make changes in the Official Rules without notification.

7. SPONSOR: ESPN Internet Ventures, 605 Third Avenue, 8th Floor, New York, NY 10158. © 2012 ESPN Internet Ventures.

TIM TEBOW
We've had about 2,000 comments about this article already -- and over 90,000 Facebook shares -- and 98 percent of them are positive. That's preposterous. You could opine that people not stick sharp things in the eyes of children and you'd get only 95 percent positive reaction. Naturally, we start with the negative ones.

Tebow is all about grandstanding to highlight political-religious issues. He combines lucking into a few wins with this "tourist community service" -- always in plain view of photographers and video cameras -- to push his concerns. The sad part is that so many people (whose number now includes you) have been fooled. There are hundreds of thousands of people doing real service, not photo ops, around the globe, helping people with real, long-term contributions rather than seeking to promote their "brand."
--John (Columbia, Mo.)

You're not just wrong, you're loud wrong. Tebow spends an hour with these kids and their families after the game in a private room off the Broncos Family Room. No photographers or media are allowed. He does the five minutes before the game on the field just to give the kids the thrill of it, but most of the time is private. Tebow constantly makes children's hospital visits and doesn't allow media in the rooms with him. I know because people write and tell me about it. You question his "long-term contributions"? The kid is the son of missionaries! He's been giving time to perfect strangers since he was a small boy in the Philippines. He's trying to build a hospital there now. I'm not a religious person, don't want to be saved, but how can you not be impressed by somebody this bent on helping others?

Those folks Tebow spends time with; I wonder if any of them are LGBT?
--Lester Ballard (Wheeling, W.Va.)

He doesn't ask.

Were any of those sick people non-Christians?
--Rex Hannigan (New York)

He doesn't ask.

Is Tim Tebow nice to anyone who ISN'T terminally sick? How about just regular, everyday schmucks? It's easy to feel sorry for people who about to die.
--mistercrispy (Denver)

Since you asked -- with such charm, I might add -- Tebow is unfailingly polite, kind and friendly to everybody I've seen him interact with, whether it's at a party or in a hallway. I take that back, he's startlingly polite, kind and friendly. Put it this way -- the guy is respectful with sportswriters! Believe me, brother, I was as skeptical as you, but there's not a gram of fake in this kid. I've looked everywhere.

As both a lifelong (62 great years worth) Chicago Bears fan and a confirmed atheist, I should despise Mr. Tebow. As clearly shown by your article, nothing could be further from the truth.
--Dave Grossfeld (Chicago)

Some of my children are curious to know: How does Tim Tebow pick which person gets to come to a game? My (special needs) son asked me, "Mama, does Tim Tebow know us?"
--Kristi Schache (Dunlap, Ill.)

Mostly, Tebow picks from among people suggested to him by W15H, his charity that runs the game trips. W15H is run by his foundation, which is timtebowfoundation.org. But sometimes, Tebow reads about kids he wants to host, like the kid who "Tebowed" during chemotherapy, and makes sure they get invited.

I am an agnostic. I don't know whether God exists, but, if so, I think that God would really like Tim Tebow. I do too.
--Gary Owen (Calgary, Alberta)

Great article on Tebow, but why couldn't you at least give a mention to Tim's belief in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior as being the motivation behind his actions?
--Steve Edmondson (Murfreesboro, Tenn.)

I purposely didn't use the words "God," "Jesus" or "faith" in the column because I wanted people to see that this kid gives of himself tirelessly purely because he cares about others. Whenever you bring religion into it, some people immediately reject whatever comes next. Yes, most of the guests turn out to be Christian simply because a vast percentage of Tebow's most ardent fans are Christian and they write him. But from what I've seen, Tebow's generosity and selflessness to the sick and suffering have no religious borders.

TEBOW VS. BRADY
You forget...Tom has 9 seconds to throw. Tim has 2.
--pipo16 (Detroit)

You forget. It just seems that way.

Tom Brady is not a sex symbol for all, nor does Tim Tebow lack sex appeal. My girlfriends and I consider Tebow a far sexier man than Tom Brady because he is genuine, confident, and resonates sincerity. Sticking to one's beliefs has got far greater sex appeal than Brady could ever have for us.
--Jillian (Corvallis, Ore.)

I get that women find Tebow sexy, but to what end?

Are you really comparing Tim Tebow as a pro with Tom Brady? Seriously? That would be insane.
--Kelley Whitmire (Atlanta)

Yes, I was comparing them. You can compare a Humvee to a hummingbird if you want. Doesn't mean they're the same.

TEBOW AND FOX
Really? You think Broncos coach John Fox deserves credit for playing Tim Tebow? Seems like nothing could be further from the truth. He and John Elway only did so grudgingly in hopes he would fail so they could tell the Denver faithful, "See? He's no good. Now can we go and get us a 'real' NFL quarterback?"
--Brian McNulty (Dallas)

Must be wonderful to know everything. And from Dallas no less! Do you read the paper in the morning to see what they left out?

The only reason Fox played Tebow is because Kyle Orton was playing like such crap and they had to do it to keep fan interest. Strictly a PR move in my opinion. Now Tebow and that ridiculous defense are making Fox look like a genious. As a Raider fan living in Denver, this is brutal to watch.
--Adam Pope (Denver)

That's poetic -- a Raider fan misspelling "genius."

49ERS KICKER DAVID AKERS
Great piece on Akers. So often in sports we cheer and boo without considering the human sides of our heroes and villains. At the end of the day, we all have our dreams and demons, and the trifecta of a sick child, financial chaos and professional ambiguity would fell many, if not most. To follow that up with a record-setting achievement and high recognition among your peers is an inspiration and a half -- and, I can't stand the Niners.
--Jay Cooke (Alameda, Calif.)

When you said the fans booed Akers and sports radio blasted him, you forgot to mention that none of the fans knew about his daughter's condition. As soon as that news became public, there was no bashing of Akers.
--Andrew Mackenzie (Philadelphia)

You're right. I should've mentioned that.

You also fail to mention that he loved the city of Philadelphia enough to pay for a billboard, out of pocket, thanking the fans for their support throughout his career.
--Flare f'orDramatic (Philadelphia)

I try to keep all my columns under 900 words so people don't have to quit their jobs to read me. It's just sports, not the American Medical Journal. Not everything fits in 900 words. I never insinuated that Akers had any hard feelings towards the city or the fans, did I? So I think you're wrong. I didn't need to mention that.

Touching blog about David Akers.
--David F (Worcester, England)

No, no, no! Not a blog. It's a column. For some of us, there’s a big difference.

KOBE
C'mon! Kobe is averaging 6.0 assists per game {at time of writing} this year, which is good for 18th in the league, third best among shooting guards. Heck, that total is better than some starting point guards! To not bring up that part of the equation is shortsighted. Fact is, Kobe shoots that much, and still manages to be a better passer than most of the league.
--Andrew (San Francisco)

I agree. Somehow people got the idea that I think Kobe shoots too much. This is because Kobe does shoot too much. But he's Kobe and he'll never change so why mention it? It's like asking a cheetah to go vegan. He's always shot too much and he has five rings. He gets to shoot as much as he wants. He will still be shooting three years after he retires. This year, though, is beyond the pale. He's averaging six more shots per game than his career average. Then again, he's shooting better than he has since the 2001-2002 season. My question is: What happens when he cools off?

BENGALS
Any chance we can get an apology column for your single-handed dismantling of the city of Cincinnati, the Bengals, and their owner? [Ed note: Reilly predicted Bengals wouldn't win a game this season.] Now that Mike Brown has won executive of the year, lowered season ticket prices, won back (some) of his fan base, and re-energized the least successful franchise in professional sports? If not for Harbaugh in San Fran, Marvin Lewis would be coach of the year. If not for Cam Newton, Andy Dalton would be rookie of the year. And if not for Andy Dalton, AJ Green would be rookie of the year. Any chance you might apologize for being SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wrong?
--Sam Dobrozsi (Philadelphia)

Did it on Cincinnati radio, but I'll do it here. Didn't count on the Red Rifle. Didn't count on Mike Brown finally making a good move. Didn't count on A.J. Green being the reincarnation of Art Monk. So, yes, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRY!

UNFAIR NFL RULES
Why isn't there more questioning of the NFL's playoff seeding? Isn't it time the NFL ditch the "win division rule"? The Titans were 9-7 to Denver's 8-8, they scored more points, allowed less points, and beat them head-to-head. Why should Denver be a 4 seed? Just like last year, the team with the much better record has to go on the road. It just doesn't make sense. Pittsburgh lost the tiebreaker to the Ravens, and by doing so, they dropped from a 2 seed to a 5?
--Eric H (Joliet, Ill.)

I've railed against this rule on Twitter (@ReillyRick). Pittsburgh was 12-4 and had to go on the road to play 8-8 Denver. In doing so, the Steelers lost their fastest safety, Ryan Clark, who couldn't play at altitude or risk life-threatening illness. So what happens in overtime? Demaryus Thomas outruns the Steelers' Clark-less secondary 80 yards for a game-winning touchdown. Dumbest rule in the NFL.

GUARANTEES
I am sick of the "guarantee". Every year Rex Ryan or some other big mouth guarantees a "Super Bowl" or a victory, and then doesn't deliver. And then they either pout or say, "I have no regrets" and then "guarantee" again. From now on, it should cost them significant dollars, or dress up in a ballerina outfit, or work for free.
--Gary Groenewold (Villa Park, Ill.)

Genius! I'm behind you. Here would be my schedule of fines for reneging on a guarantee that ...

... you'll win a game: Duct-tape mouth for one day.
... you'll win a series: Wear opponent's jersey, mouthpiece and slippers for four days.
... you'll sweep a series: Sweep opposing coach/manager's driveway wearing page 6 from Victoria's Secret catalogue for a week.
... you'll win the World Series: Work as beer vendor at opponent's stadium, one month, unpaid, in SCUBA fins.
... you'll win a championship: Shave head, take vow of silence, move into Tibetan monestery for a month.
... you'll win a Super Bowl: Buy plane, get pilot license, and skywrite every day for one year: (Your Name) Is A Big Hairy Incontinent Liar!
... Jimmer Fredette will not start an NBA game his rookie year: Pay $5000.


JIMMER
Re: Your $5000 pay-up. I like people who keep their word. Now, I'll keep mine and start reading your column again.
--Thomas Bigham (Yorktown, Ind.)

Thanks Reilly. Jimmer started a PRESEASON game. It doesn't count. Our office bet was that he wouldn't start his "first" game. Because of your article my betting friends think that preseason games suddenly count. You're killing me Reilly.
--Matt Jensen (Brigham City, Utah)

Yeah, sorry about that. But he was going to start a regular-season game sooner or later and it turned out to be sooner -- the 10th game of the season (20 minutes, 4 points.) What's weird is he was SO much better in the preseason. Since the regular season began, he seems to be sleeping in a refrigerated truck. He's shooting only 34 percent from the floor, and 28 percent from 3-point range. He seems a little lost and timid. Maybe virginity and the NBA just don't mix?

Your column showed up in some spam, work was slow and so I thought I'd read it. You are an unmitigated class act. I have never heard of anyone in your profession with such a degree of honor ($5K??)...and relentless humor.
--Steve Brown

Spam? (Large sigh.)

ROSE BOWL DONOR FLOAT
Thanks for writing about this float in the Rose Bowl Parade. I am one of the lucky ones that actually received my new kidney from my junior high school girlfriend. Who knew that 33 years later she would wind up saving my life?
--Eric Leviton (New York)

Eight and a half years ago I received the gift of life from unknown hero. The kidney I received then allowed me to watch my son swim in high school and now allows me to be able to coach my daughter.
--Brett Swihart (Evansville, Ind.)

Thanks for the column. I'm a 2-time kidney recipient, now 72, who was given 6 months to live when I was 21. I am a lucky lucky guy.
--Bill Sharp (Long Beach, Calif.)

As a transplant recipient myself, I thank you many times over for the sensitivity you brought to our cause. If it were up to me you would be voted SOTY for the 12th time.
--Gary Foxen (Orange, Calif.)

It IS up to you. Go get a job in the business and cast a vote.

You are everything that is wrong with ESPN these days. If I wanted to read your "Feel Good" stories I would tune in to CNN. I want to read about sports, not the sensationalized, drama based articles that you and your network continue to publish.
--Don McGrew (Phoenix)

I know. I feel terrible about myself when I try to tell compelling stories that inspire people to help each other and help themselves. I suck. I'll go back to writing about pro athletes knocking up women by the half dozen and angrily rejecting $100 million offers. Btw, what's for breakfast? Boiled kittens?

RODGERS VS. FAVRE
Trying to compare Brett Farve with Aaron Rodgers is almost like comparing Babe Ruth with Lou Gehrig - except Rodgers isn't yet anywhere near Lou Gehrig.There is no question that Brett Farve is the Babe Ruth of professional football.
--Bob Patterson (Picayune, Miss.)

If he's the Babe Ruth of football, why can't you spell his last name?

FANDOM
I'm soon to be the father of a baby boy. I've always been a die-hard Cubs fan. However, I've relocated to central Florida. I'm not sure I want my future child to endure the life of "We'll get them next year" and the agonizing feeling when next year never comes. Should I raise him to be a Tampa Rays fan to save him from the pain I have felt, or continue the line of Cubs fans?
--Mat Steckman (Ocala, Fla.)

I'm sickened that you're even asking this question! You'd turn your back on your team just because you MOVED? When American soldiers fought at Normandy, you think they suddenly started liking soccer? What's wrong with you? Of course your kid should be a Cubs fan! There's no choosing! He's born into it! Just as you were! Fandom is not about switching teams just because you're going through a little 104-year championship drought. Have a vinegar and water and man up! You'd trade Tampa for the Cubs? Tampa fans only go to games in hopes of SEEING the Cubs! Tampa is a football town first and a Matlock town second! The Rays might not even BE in Tampa in five years! And when they're gone, it will be another TWO years before the papers notice! But the Cubs will always be in Wrigleyville! And Cubs fans will always have a community blanket of heartache and hope and passion-against-all-odds to warm themselves. It's what binds them together in a bittersweet, wholly inescapable concept called loyalty. Loyalty is what you sorely lack, sir. Tampa? Please. When your kid grows up, I'm going to recommend he seek adoption.

Stay with me here.

Philip Rivers, the San Diego Chargers QB, has been a starter in the NFL for six years now. That's -- just a ballpark guess -- about 5,400 snaps in games as a pro.

But ... Rivers was a full-time starter at North Carolina State for four seasons. I’m estimating he took about 3,400 game snaps in his college career.

And ... Rivers played four years of Decatur (Ala.) High School football. Roughly 1,200 snaps there.

That's about 10,000 game snaps. But there's all those practice snaps, too.

Figuring three live practices a week, 50 snaps a practice, five months a year, for all 16 seasons, that works out to 48,000 practice snaps.

Add that to the game snaps and you're at 58,000 snaps, not counting junior high, backyard, OTA practices, etc.

And yet when he needs one more snap to set up the chip-shot field goal to beat the Kansas City Chiefs last Monday night, he forgets the cardinal rule of the snap, the one essential fundamental to remember after nearly 60,000 snaps: You don't close your hands until the ball is in them.

Oy.

I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong. I said $160 for Google when it first launched was a rip-off. Wrong. I thought "Occupy Wall Street" was a condo development. Wrong. This fall alone, I was wrong when ...








Here's even more ways you said I've been wrong lately:

A TRUTHFUL AL DAVIS EULOGY

To bring out the guy's faults and shortcomings (no matter how long that list is) after he has passed away is crossing the line. While nothing you pointed out is untrue, it didn't need to be spelled out for the world to read about so shortly after his death.
--Tyler Reese (Pittsburgh)

You're a sentimental idiot. Everything you say sounds like the opinion of a mildly educated suburban housewife on mood stabilizers. Al Davis ruled with the cold, dispassionate efficiency of a dictator, which is exactly what an NFL owner should emulate.
--Andrew Brent (East Lansing)

Hey, I resent that. My mood stabilizers are never mild.

On the other hand ...
Finally an article which tells the rest of the story about someone who did some great things for football but in either the wrong way or for the wrong reason.
--Ed Stevens (Cypress, CA)

I have to applaud you for your Al Davis column. We are far too willing to over-memorialize those who have died, to the point where you start to wonder whether or not it's the same person you remembered ... I don't know a single Raiders fan that wasn't counting down the days until he gave up his control of the Raiders or died ... He regularly treated people like garbage.
--DG (Washington, DC)

I'm not a heartless person. I understand it can be a sad time when someone you know has passed away. But what good does it do to lie about the guy? For the last two decades, Al was described as a cold, arrogant, ass of a man. Then he passes away and becomes God's gift to football. I had been wondering when someone on the national stage would have the stones.
--Terrence Grom (Chicago IL)

I'm happy you had the guts to ignore the normal post mortem political correctness in order to deliver the truth in a more timely and deserved fashion... Just a wild guess... You won't be covering Raiders home games anytime soon will you???!!!
--Tim Dillard (Houston TX)

Just the opposite. What they do now, freed from hysterical and tyrannical rule, will be far more interesting.

To paraphrase Howard Cosell, "you are either a whore for the NFL or a pariah." You may be on your way to being a pariah, but the world needs some pariahs. There are a lot of whores out there. . .
--Kurt Jacobus

I know. I follow Gronkowski's Twitter feed.

And one comedian:
At least I have a legacy. You are just the guy who people didn't like when you wrote in SI and don't like you now.
--Al Davis (Hell)

THE JERSEY RULES

You do realize that you are insulting probably 90% of the people that log onto espn.com right? Most of those people probably wear jerseys to the games.
--Scott

Imagine if Jack LaLanne felt that way when he started calling Americans fat and out of shape in the 1930s. We'd all be -- wait. Never mind.

You're delusional. Wearing your favorite player's jersey is fun and a way to show your support for that player. You cannot put an age on being a fan. You need to lighten up.
--Cindy (Amelia Ohio)

I can't put an age on being a fan, but I can put an age on when a fan can put on a jersey and 30 is where it stops.

I am sick of all these so-called "man rules" about what and what not to wear or do past a certain age. I am a GROWN ASS MAN! (yeah, that's me yelling). I work in a legitimate, high-powered profession, which I busted my ass in high school, college and grad school to get, without a damned dime from my parents or relatives. So I can wear any clothing, which I paid for, whenever and wherever I damn well please. And I dare anyone to make me take it off. Go ahead. Try it!
--Jaymee Stahrr (El Paso, TX)

You should wear a Mike Gundy jersey. :

On the other hand
By the same token, grown men should never bring a baseball glove to the ballpark. Same concept, even less cool. No woman in her right mind wants to hang out with a guy if his baseball mitt is going to be the third wheel.
--Phil (Haddonfield, NJ)

"I'm not going if you're going to bring Wilson!"

And one comedian:
I was at MNF night before last and I had no idea Dallas had 24,536 players on their roster! Gee whiz there were Cowboys everywhere. I think I was sitting next to Jason Witten and behind me Dez kept spilling his popcorn on me.
--Lee (San Antonio)

SUCK FOR LUCK

Stop being such a grouchy old man! Why don't you have faith in Tebow and your Denver Broncos?!
--Lee (San Antonio)

Playing four good minutes against a Miami Dolphins team that couldn't beat the Nashville Barber College does not an NFL QB make.

"There haven't been this many dedicated losers in one place since Comic Con."

That was a nice unprovoked shot at an entire subculture of people who are, in some cases, also big fans of sports. How many comic book conventions have you actually been to, Mister Reilly? How many comic book fans do you know? Are you speaking from experience or are you just going for a cheap, easy joke? Please explain to me how someone who goes to a Pats game wearing a Wes Welker jersey and red & white face paint is less of a "loser" than someone who goes to a comic book convention.
--Brendan Johnston (Brooklyn, NY)

OK, you got me. Jersey-wearing thirtysomethings ARE losers just as much as you are. And, yes, I'm coming to Comic Con this year. I'll be in the Scott Pilgrim costume.

And one extra way I was wrong, no charge:

"Donovan McNabb is the Queen of Hearts of the NFL. He's worth minus-13 points to any team that starts him." Surely you meant the Queen of Spades, Mr. Reilly. One reckons it's been a while since you played an exciting game of Hearts.
--Daniel Muller (Waltham, MA)

No wonder I can never shoot the moon.

TIM TEBOW ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH YET:

Tebow will be the starter by game 7 of the season.
-- Bryan Quinn (Carrollton, GA)

Bryan Quinn, you're not helping your cause. Tebow was the starter in week 7, but it was GAME 6. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Problem with (Kyle) Orton is, he's a known quantity, and the quantity isn't very much. Tebow may well go on to accomplish more in the League than Orton ever will.
--Wade (Rebuck Pa)

Might already have.

On the other hand ...

Never missed a Tebow College game. Even saw him in high school. But you speak the cold, hard truth. I do so hope he masters the drop-back. His joy for the game, his energy and those wild, crazy plays that turn into something is fantastic entertainment. And after all, what is football to me, Joe Fan, but entertainment. Good Luck Tim.
--Richard (Douglas, Ga)

ROOT FOR THE BREWERS

Making Nyjer Morgan out to be some sort of likable anti-hero is absurd. The guy is a joke. Grade A moron.
--Joseph Stiger (Pittsburgh/PA)

I disagree. Morgan fills up a sportswriter's notebook faster than any MLB player. I honestly believe I could just leave my notebook on his locker chair and he'd write funny things in there. Love that guy.

Just curious to know how someone (Brewers' Ryan Braun) can be half Jewish?
--Dan Quinn (Green, Ohio)

Because being Jewish isn't just a religion -- it's also cultural and ancestral. By the way, my list of the best active Jewish players -- half, three-quarters or 2 percent:
1. Ryan Braun, Brewers, The Hebrew Hammer
2. Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox. Did he drink Mogen David in the clubhouse?
3. Ian Kinsler, starring in this World Series for the Texas Rangers

CARSON PALMER DESERVES BETTER THAN MIKE BROWN
(Note: These were written before Bengals owner Brown finally gave in and ripped off the Raiders for possibly a first round pick and a second round pick in exchange for Palmer last week.)

Wrong. Just because Mike Brown is an incompetent owner does not mean that he should feel compelled to grant the trade request of a player under contract.
--Robert (Lancaster, SC)

Why are you giving Palmer a pass? You kill other players for asking to be traded.
--Brooks (Huntsville, AL)

Carson Palmer quit long before he retired.
--John Mcgraw (Portsmouth Ohio)

On the other hand ...

Honestly, Mike Brown is a genius. He got the county to build him a stadium, he gets profit shares from all of the events held there, the county is now going to pay for improvements and repairs, the fans in this fair city can do nothing except avoid the Bengals and that really has no consequence because someone will almost always buy a cheap ticket to a game they can't see on television and he still gets money from the Jones and Snyder ilk when the NFL passes its profit sharing money around. Is he a heel? Sure. Do fans here hate Mikey Boy with every fiber of their being? Sure. Does he make tons of money and do almost nothing for it? Definitely.
--Jason Hoffman (Cincinnati, OH)

I have an idea: Let's start a rule in the NFL where OWNERS can be fired! That's right. Who takes the fall at the end of a losing season in just about any NFL franchise? The head coach, the GM, just about anyone EXCEPT the owner. GMs and coaches can be fired, players can be released. Why not have an annual "cut" each off season where owners who have continued to mismanage their franchises, as determined by a set of pre-established rules, W-L record, personnel matters, return on investment (ROI/ROE), etc. are escorted to the exit door. If his report card is bad enough, he is FORCED to sell the franchise.
--Greg Florko Cincinnati, OH (with a bag over my head).

And one comedian:

Personally, I think Mike Brown was adopted!!
--John Burgess (Cherokee NC)

STOP THE RACE

Well, Rick, are you happy now? They finally stopped the freaking race. In the wake of the Vegas race, cancelled by Dan Wheldon's death, a friend reminded me of your column on Ken Fox, killed at Michigan in '98. Continuing the race isn't about fan enjoyment or getting what you paid for. It's about a group of people ... who are drawn to a dangerous sport and know the risks ahead of time. They didn't stop the Olympics when the bobsledder was killed, or when downhill racers have died. They don't stop flying airplanes when one goes down. We move on in this country; wipe our eyes and move on. Ask A.J. Foyt what it felt like to climb back in that roadster in '64 after two of his friends were incinerated at Indianapolis. You finally got your wish; they stopped the freaking race. Is Dan Wheldon better off for that?
--Gary Ellis

No, but his family is. And no, they didn't stop the Olympics when the luger (not bobsledder) died, but they did stop the luge for the day. And yes, they do stop ski races when somebody dies. Remind me, when did you start chugging raw blood for breakfast?

THINK THRICE BEFORE YOU PLAY HOOPS IN TURKEY

Your column about DWill playing in Turkey is absolutely absurd. Do you really think he's going to shack up in an apartment the team provides when he's a multi-millionaire? Do you really think he'll actually be practicing with the team or just showing up at game time? Do you believe he won't have six personal bodyguards who look like they should be playing offensive line in the NFL with him at all times?
P.S. What do you have against hummus and olives for any meal?
--Matt (Boise,ID)

*To suggest that players who "are not pleasing the team's ownership" ... have their hot water, electricity and internet cut off is staggeringly ridiculous as well as totally untrue. Basketball is a large and professional sport in Turkey and the behavior of our clubs, management and players reflect this ...
*We were highly surprised by claims that Turkish women are habitually dressed in burkas and that our streets are awash with people at prayer ... Turkey is a secular country in which religion and state are clearly separated. ...
*The Muslim practice which calls for the sacrifice of a male sheep or cow certainly exists as one of the fundamental traditions of our faith ... we appreciate that this may be out of kilter with traditions of other cultures.
Should you be visiting our country in the future, pleas let us know as we would love the chance to show you the real Turkey as well as our passion for Basketball.
-- Dr. Emir Turem
Dir. of International Relations
Turkish Basketball Federation

Finally, here's one time when I was right, and I have the court order to prove it:

Comments: Almost 4 years ago [in Sports Illustrated], you wrote a story about Carlos Barragan's neighborhood boxing gym and how National City, CA, wanted to use eminent domain to seize their property in order to build condos. Not sure if you are aware but Carlos won. Pretty much a shutout. Just wonder what the city will do with the buildings they did buy. Maybe sell and help Carlos pay the wonderful attorneys that worked pro bono.
--Steve Cohen

JIMMER FREDETTE

I wrote ... BYU's super scorer Jimmer Fredette will be a bust in the NBA because he's too small, too slow and too bored by defense. In fact, I promised to donate $5,000 to Jimmer's favorite charity if he started even one game in his first year, which will be with the Sacramento Kings.

You wrote ...

Jimmer to the Kings following a trade of Beno Udrih. I'll let you off easy and you can just donate $2,500 to me instead of the whole $5k to charity.
~ Mike Barlow (San Antonio)

I will. Soon as you start a game in the NBA.

So Rick, have you started setting aside some money from each paycheck to go towards the charity of Jimmer's choice after he officially starts his first game now?
~ Greg Jones (Houston)

Yes, I've been selling all the razor blades BYU fans have been sending me in envelopes. It adds up.

What is Jimmer's favorite charity? I'm dying to know where your $5,000 is going.
~ Jerry Izu (Valencia, Calif.)

Jimmer represents The Biceps Project. It's a program to help incurable gunners ice their shooting arms.

RORY MCILROY

I wrote that golf has been starving for a new superstar and that superstar arrived at the U.S. Open with a mind-melting performance from Northern Ireland's Rory McIlroy.

You wrote ...

Take it a step farther and look at the backgrounds of the European golfers and the U.S. born players. Rory, Westwood, McDowell and a number of others all come from working class families who had to make big sacrifices for them to pursue golf. Parents had to work two jobs. The majority of our guys are country clubbers with a sense of entitlement instilled in them from the time they start junior golf. Give me the kid who had to make a 10-foot put to pay his rent at some point in his career over a kid that misses and gets in his BMW ...
~ Steven Caruso (West Palm Beach, Fla.)

Why we love Rory: First, he handled the Masters loss like a gentleman. Second, this guy can flat play. Third and most important, on Father's Day he reminded all of us what our fathers taught us, to be gentlemen, to be genuine and be men that people respect. He made us all feel good and isn't that what sports are supposed to do?
~ Allen Jordan (Cold Spring, N.Y.)

After McIlroy wins ONE tournament, albeit a major with a dominant wire-to-wire performance, golf is saved? Puh-leeeze! The kid's photogenic enough (he reminds me of Danny in "Caddyshack"), he's proven he's not afraid of microphones and he's obviously got talent, but one European Tour win in 72 starts since 2007 and one PGA win doesn't have me calling the Vatican and telling them to get the white-smoke machine ready. {Editor's note: McIlroy has won three tournaments as pro.} ~Bruce Baskin (Chehalis, Wash.)

Please move to Ireland because I'm tired of hearing your bull!! Rory's got 1 major. When he gets to 14, call me and then you will have an argument.
~ Jeffery Jones (Jemison, Ala.)

What's 14 got to do with it? How about just one more sometime soon? That would be an improvement over what we've got in this Tiger vacuum -- 11 different winners in the last 11 majors. The game is dying for somebody -- anybody! -- to lead the peloton and McIlroy has the wheels for it.

TIGER WOODS

I wrote Tiger will still catch Nicklaus' 18 majors, even if it's a very empty boat I'm sitting in.

You wrote ...

I know you're still in love with Tiger but if you think he's going to catch Jack's record you're crazier than Charlie Sheen. Yes, I know Tiger's still ahead of Jack's pace but Jack was a healthy 35. Not a 4 knee surgeries, swing is such a wreck I have no clue where it's going off the tee and I can't make a putt into a 50 gallon drum 35 like Tiger is right now. As Lee Trevino said in an interview the other day, if Tiger doesn't figure out how to swing without putting so much pressure on his left knee, the final chapter of his story has already been written.
~ Jimmy Stucky (Auburn, Ala.)

51 bucks sez Tiger doesn't pass Jack. Why 51? The fitty I'll spend. The Washington you'll sign in silver Sharpie that says, "I lost to Jake." I'll frame it and no, you can't substitute it for a check. One of the reasons why Tiger won't pass Jack, nobody on tour likes Tiger and they'll do anything to stop him. It literally will be, for rest of his career, "Tiger against the field."
~ Jake (Dallas)

If nobody on tour likes Tiger, why didn't they do "anything to stop him" 14 majors ago? If you find me and we can shake on it, you and your $51 are on.

I take exception to your comments on the McIlory win at the U.S. Open when you allude to the better suitability for him to be the face of golf as opposed to Tiger Woods. This win at the Open was amazing and a joy for any golf fan; I just don't understand who made you judge and jury over Tiger Woods. You may not like his personal behavior but how dare you try to belittle and demean his accomplishments. I don't like how he conducted his personal life but I appreciate and acknowledge all he has accomplished out on the course. You should too.
~Michelle Moffitt-Simon (Bedford, Texas)

Wait. What? Who says I don't like him? I'm just saying the new Boss of Golf is McIlroy for now. That's clear. He'll be the favorite in every major until Tiger can prove that his knee is healthy and his swing is healthy and his mind is healthy enough to win majors again. But I've never stopped saying Tiger still will win majors and will still pass Jack, unlike 95 percent of my colleagues. I get what a boon Tiger has been to players, fans and journalists. He put golf in the A segment of SportsCenter again. But now his career is at the bottom of the bird cage and he's got to rebuild it. Until he does, McIlroy is the new Man.

USGA

I wrote the USGA's cutesy "comfort" pairings in the two opening rounds now of the U.S. Open is an advantage for those lucky enough to get them.

You wrote ...

Far worse than the, as you call them, "cutesy" Spanish, Italian and Swedish pairings was the racist "Asian" pairing the USGA put together of Ishikawa, Yang and Kim. While it's debatable whether they should have done it or not, I understand why the USGA chose the players they put together in the Spanish, Italian and Swedish groups --because they actually were Spanish, Italian and Swedish. But, wow, Ishikawa, Yang and Kim? What, exactly, do they have in common? Hmmm ... you think the USGA gave Kim his choice of a Honda, Toyota or Hyundai as a courtesy car?
~Doug (Apex, N.C.)

It reminds me of a joke.
Two Americans sitting at the bar, talking. One is Jewish and the other is of Chinese descent. They are getting a little deep into their cocktails when the Jewish guy turns and slugs the Chinese guy in the jaw.
"What was that for?!?" asks the Chinese guy.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish guy says.
"Pearl Harbor?" asks the Chinese guy. "That was the Japanese, not the Chinese!"
"Japanese, Chinese," says the Jewish guy. "What's the difference?"
They sit there a little longer, the Chinese guy rubbing his jaw. Suddenly, he turns and punches the Jewish guy.
"What was that for?!?" asks the Jewish guy.
"That was for the Titanic!" the Chinese guy says.
"Titanic?" says the Jewish guy. "That was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Steinberg," he says. "What's the difference?"

LEBRON JAMES

I wrote, after Game 3 of the NBA Finals, that criticism of LeBron James for "shrinking" in the fourth quarter was moronic. James dominated the game in other ways -- passing, defense, screens -- and besides, he'd already come up massive in fourth quarters against Boston and Chicago.

You wrote ...

Are you still standing by the article you wrote last week that claims LeBron James is coming up as big as ever on both ends of the court? Just wondering.
~ Tommy (Breezy Point, N.Y.)

No, I am not. I was wrong. I'm an idiot. I am currently trying to get the byline changed on that column. When Gregg Doyel of CBSsports.com asked James the question -- "Why are you shrinking in fourth quarters?" -- after Game 3, I thought he was huffing paint. Now I realize Doyel was seeing something before the rest of us. Gregg Doyel, I apologize. I will never doubt you again -- until the next time.

How about another nickname for James, since he seems to disappear in the 4th quarter ...Lebronymous.
~ Marthe Walsh (Wiloughby Hills, Ohio)

Ooooh, that's really good. Or ... The Frozen One?

I'm tired of hearing (James) is a "facilitator" ... 6'8 and 255 is not a facilitator... if he wants to "play big," drive the lane like a linebacker, and get a post game ... leave the facilitating to guys who aren't the most naturally gifted athlete on the planet.
~ Mike (Detroit)

James is the best passing forward in NBA history, {if you go by apg} but that's like being the most beautiful Broadway chorus girl. What the Heat needed was the lead, the star of the show, the huge voice that rattles the theater chandeliers and they didn't get it. I expect a more selfish James on the court next year and a more humbled one off it. But I've been wrong before. (See above.)

And, just to prove I haven't cornered the market on Jell-O-brained statements, there was this:

I get that Dirk Nowitzki is an all-time legend. I understand that he deserves a ring. I get that Jason Terry and Jason Kidd both deserve them. Here's the reason it's a competition, the winner gets the ring. I don't want to watch this series to make sure Dirk or Jet or Kidd get their rings. I want to watch it to see who's the better team. If NBA rings were about who deserved them, almost every professional basketball player should have one. This isn't kindergarten, it's dog-eat-dog, may the best man win. And the better team will be the Heat.
~ Laki Politis (Wellington, Fla.)

No, there is one person who didn't deserve a ring in that series and that was James. For him to win a ring immediately upon switching teams for the sole purpose of winning one -- and in such a ham-brained way -- would be like Bill Gates' kid hitting Publisher's Clearinghouse. He can wait.

I don't understand how -- since the NBA draft that produced LeBron, Carmelo and D-Wade -- Carmelo has been rated the least of the three. He has averaged roughly the same amount of points, rebounds and assists and field goal percentage as James. He played like a man possessed for the Knicks during the playoffs and without Stoudemire and Billups and NEVER worked harder to get the ball in his hands and when he had it he was the best player in the arena. The Knicks will someday be grateful that LeBron took his talents to South Beach and allowed Carmelo to energize the greatest arena in all of sports. When it's said and done Anthony will be more heralded than Mr. James.
~Brian Harrington (Syracuse, N.Y.)

I'll tell you how he's rated third, because he is. Wade has been to two Finals. James has been to two Finals -- one with a lot of nobodies. Anthony has been to zero. Not enough? Look at their career numbers so far:
James 27.7 pts, 7.1 rbs, 7.0 assists
Wade 25.4 pts, 5.1 rbs, 6.3 assists
Anthony 24.8 pts, 6.3 rbs, 3.1 assists

But I'll give you this. He's been WAY better than Darko Milicic.

J.J. BAREA

I wrote that J.J. Barea of the Mavs is my personal hero in that he tore the heart out of the Heat and Lakers defenses at only 5-foot-9, plus he's funny and polite. Oh, and he's dating Miss Universe.

Mario Chalmers is MY new hero. He's kicking Barea's ass. And I HATE Miami.
~ Gowdy (Chicago)

Really? Once Barea became a starter in Game 4, the Mavs never lost again. He got into the paint more than Sherwin-Williams. Even his misses made for easy follows. He drove Erik Spoelstra batty. In the final two killer games, he averaged 16 points and five assists.The only thing that kicked Barea's ass was the trophy, which was almost too big for him to carry.

Nice article on J.J. Barea. FYI, Puerto Ricans don't eat "taquitos." Barea and Miss Universe would be insulted. We are sensitive about these things. Try pasteles or mofongo next time if you're looking for a good PR food reference. The stuff will kill you faster than a Johnsonville brat but pretty tasty nevertheless.
~ Israel Hernandez (San Francisco)

Then please explain why there's a restaurant in Puerto Rico called "El Taquito." ( Also: "Mofongo" would be a terrific intramural team name.)

MOUTHPIECES AND T-SHIRTS

I wrote that there's two new trends that make the NBA less digestible. One is everybody in the arena wearing the same ugly T-shirt. Two is players constantly letting their mouthguards hang out, even as they play.

You wrote ...

Have you ever played a sport that required a mouthpiece? You chew on them because they are in your mouth but not comfortable to just have chilling all the time. You chew on them just to do something besides breathe through it. What the hell is LeBron supposed to do with it when he takes it out that would be less gross? Should they pay someone to carry around a mouthpiece holder for him or something?
~ Fred (Edison, N.J.)

Let me think. What would be less gross than LeBron James taking his slobbery mouthpiece and sticking it in his headband during timeouts? ... Anything! There are some things you shouldn't have to see. Tiger hocking a loogie on a green. Dugout Toilet Cam. Dripping mouthguards not in mouths.

Interesting that on your list of "towns" that have gone the homogeneous tee shirt playoff look, conspicuous by their absence were four "cities" ... New York, Philly, Chicago and Boston. All with real fans and great hoops pedigree.
~ Edward Seeling (Philadelphia)

RONCALLI GIRLS SOFTBALL

A little over a year ago, you wrote a magnificent piece on the Roncalli (Indianapolis) High School softball team that volunteered time and money to (teach softball to) an inner city school (opponent). I wanted to let you know that they just won the state title this year. They had to overcome the death of a teammate. About a month ago Katie Lynch lost her battle with Hodgkin's lymphoma and passed away, devastating the entire school. Through all of this, the girls and the coaching staff pulled together to accomplish what Katie had always said was her ultimate goal, winning a state title.
~ Clayton Steele

NFL LOCKOUT

I wrote that the owners forcing this lockout when they are making obscene amounts of money is unconscionable. And if I didn't, I should have.

You wrote ...

What can we do as fans to punish the NFL owners? They have more money than God, and we all know they are dragging this out to finally hit the players in the pocket book and force them to cave. I blame the owners and want to support the players by hitting the owners where it matters most. I already tried throwing pennies at Richardson's office and was threatened with jail. The owners disgust me and I want to show them. Please help! Thanks!
~ Rich Maletto (Charlotte, N.C.)

I checked in with this guy to see if he really did throw pennies at Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson's office. He said he tried but was stopped by security and wound up throwing them half-heartedly at the guard, but he vows to try again.
People! In no way do I condone throwing pennies at NFL owners' offices to protest their money-grubbing ways in this NFL lockout. .

I prefer nickels

I wrote ... If there's one thing new journalism graduates can to do help themselves it's to stop writing for free. It only cuts the bottom out of the market and cheapens the craft.

Slate agreed with me and wrote...

The journalism world got all flappy about this, according to Romenesko. "Useless," NBC Sports baseball blogger Craig Calcaterra wrote. "Really, really bad advice," wrote Jason Fry, a former Wall Street Journal staffer turned freelancer and consultant.

And now, a word from ... Samuel Johnson:

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

A columnist in the L.A. Times agreed with me. Plenty of writers, paid and unpaid, didn't. But it's stirred up a small hornet's nest among those who blog for free and make millions for sites like The Huffington Post (which just sold for $315 million to AOL).

A recent poll by the Media Industries Project at UC-Santa Barbara found that 69 percent of HP's unpaid bloggers think they should be paid to write, and that 96 percent percent of them think their stuff is as good as or better than the work of the paid staffers.

The truth is, if you're writing your own blog for free just to get practice and a little exposure, that's fine. If you're in college and you're taking an unpaid internship at a website or newspaper, that's fine, as long as you're getting college credit.

But if you're writing constantly for a website or magazine that is selling ads and making money and you're getting nothing? You're a fool. Demand to be paid. If you can't find anybody willing to pay you to write, maybe it's time to try something else.

I wrote... The Miami Heat are doing the hardest thing in sports -- living up to the hype. The way the three SuperFriends colluded to play on one team is destructive to the league, but the way they're playing is a joy.

You wrote ...

Reilly, the three amigos "colluding" to win a ring is not going to ruin the NBA for the following reasons: 1. In the NBA, people love stars over laundry. 2. The NBA thrives when the NBA Finals rock. 3. The Finals rock when it is filled with stars. 4. If the Heat make the Finals, then the Finals will be filled with stars. 5. Therefore, if the Heat make the Finals, the NBA thrives.
-Dan Wheeler, Greenville, SC

The Heat is still Mr. Wade's team in spite of what LeBron does. By joining up with two other superstars he proved that he does not have the mettle, or fortitude to make those around him better.
-Chuck Dennis, Maryland

I grew up very close to Cleveland and am a Cavs fan, naturally. I was in the same boat as you. As soon as LeBron left for Miami, I couldn't WAIT for them to fall flat on their face. Unfortunately, I may be waiting years for that to happen if they keep playing the way they have in this year's playoffs.
-Andy Baylor, San Diego

I wrote ... If you re-drafted the 2006-2008 NFL drafts knowing what you know now, the New Orleans Saints would've proved themselves to be the wisest and the Seattle Seahawks the dumbest.

You wrote...

Really interesting article, one glaring omission. Marques Colston. The guy went in the 7th round and plays like a 1st rounder.
-Bryce Cohen, Metairie, LA

You would honestly take Devin Hester ahead of Greg Jennings and Brandon Marshall?
-Brent Gostomski, NY, NY

One thing we learned is why the NFC West sucks so much now. The bottom three teams are all from that division, with the Arizona Cardinals not far behind.
-West Garrett, Austin, TX

I wrote ... Seve Ballesteros was a player you couldn't help watch, with his incomparable rescue shots, his dashing ways and his unending thirst to win at all costs.

You wrote ...

Let me get this straight. The guy cheats in the middle of the Ryder Cup and you think it is ok. Maybe Barry Bonds should have shot up on deck. I like Seve, but just because he died at 54 does not make him better than any other cheater. By the way, I didn't know this about Seve until you brought it up.
-Jon, Tucson, AZ

What Seve did wasn't cheating. What Seve did was gamesmanship. Personally, I hate gamesmanship, but there's no penalty for it. I was merely trying to describe what the man was like, down to the bone.

As a teenage golfer, I enjoyed watching Seve as much as any American; but the coin jingling, stealth mowing, and other antics crossed the line. And who transformed the Ryder Cup from a spirited, but classy golf match into a jingoistic, mean-sprited, death match with Flyers fans? Seve! He was the rah rah captain who taught his fellow golfers and fans that it is okay to act like a horse's ass. Without Seve, Justin Leonard never happens. Seve was a great golfer, but let's be honest - he was kind of an a**hole.
-John Healy, Ridgefield, Connecticut

I remember seeing the parking lot shot in '79 on TV. Given the circumstances, I thought it was the best shot I had ever seen at the time, and now I hear he and his caddy were aiming at the parking lot because that provided the best angle to the flag on the second shot. Seve was a blast when he came up. It was obvious Jack's game was starting to fade, leaving a competitive void with Watson alone at the top ... and here came Severiano. Those were good times. My number never got that low again, my game was never better. Life goes by quick, man.
-Scott MacMichael, Fresno, CA

I wrote ... New Orleans Hornets guard Chris Paul has not only forgiven the five teenaged boys who murdered his grandfather, he would like to see them freed from prison.


You wrote ...

I'm glad our legal system does not allow family members to determine the punishments of their relatives' murderers! While I am absolutely convinced that Chris Paul is a class act, I can't believe anyone would want five cold-blooded killers released after serving just six years. Chris, try to understand that they aren't in prison to make you feel better - they are there to prevent someone else's grandfather from getting killed.
-Spencer Hughes, Ames, IA

I want to make sure that if I am ever put in a difficult position like the great Chris Paul, that I will act and react with such grace and courage. That is called inspiration.
-Warren Bradley, Lansdale, PA

I knew Mr Jones. During the gas shortage of 1973 (I was 8 years old), my dad ran a brick mason company and needed gas for his dump trucks, etc to keep working. Mr Jones would open his filling station at 4am just for my dad so he could fill up in the dark before the public came around 6am or so and waited in line most of the day.

I once had to drive to Hampton, VA and my car wouldn't pass inspection because of bald tires. He lent me tires until I returned and could afford my own.

Many, many times my mom, or someone in my family would have a stalled car due to battery, alternator, etc. and we would just call Mr Jones and he would send his only mechanic Willie (who was disabled, having only one arm) to our house to fix the car in our driveway instead of towing it, although it meant not having him available at the station for customers. The Gulf station was full service back then and usually only Willie and Mr Jones were there.

This kind of personal service and friendship was even more rare in those days, and in this area, because my family is white. He and my dad (who died when I was 10) must have had some kind of bond for him to continue helping our family so much even after he died and into my late teens and my mom always.

Mr Jones always ignored differences in people (hiring Willie), helping people of all colors, because he was truly a kind man and probably the last person I remember being a good neighbor in this country. Local businesses don't care about people like he did. I really miss Mr Jones and love hearing about him.

Thanks for giving me a place to finally share these stories.
-Todd Stevens

I wrote ... that not all NFL players are millionaires wondering if they'll have to get rid of their eighth Lexus during the lockout. Some of them are young guys wondering how they're going to make ends meet.


You wrote:

The fact that some NFL players are in a relatively difficult financial situation compared to the owners has no bearing on the morality of who is right or who is wrong. My advice to you: read Leviticus. You shouldn't favor either the rich or the poor on the basis of their financial standing. Justice is not on the side of the players just because they're less well off.
-RJ Jordan, Philadelphia

Thanks! I did read Leviticus and found it to be quite enlightening and useful in solving our modern dilemmas. For instance, in Leviticus I found out:
--I can't shave.
--If I curse my parents, I have to be killed.
--If I have a flat nose or am blind, I can't go to an altar of God.
Thanks for making me wake up and smell the frankincense!

Loved this piece on the lockout and the struggles guys are facing, in comparison to the owners. We appreciate you painting the picture that most people don't get, or even get to see/hear. Hopefully this all gets worked out, I know none of us dreamed as kids that THIS is the NFL we would love to be playing in.
-- Dan Orlovsky, QB, Houston Texans

I'll give it to you Rick. You wrote the most compelling article I've ever seen at making the public feel sorry for 20-year-olds who make $200k per year, playing a sport, struggle to make ends meet. Oh the tragedy! How will they survive this?! Personally, I think you did the best you could. You've got a great big heart sir.
-Brian Kight, Columbus, OH

Rick, you have GOT to be kidding me with your "Making Tight Ends Meet" column. I'm with you that the owners should take a large majority of the blame for this lockout, but I can't support the logic that someone who clears $200,000 per year has to struggle through life. As for "student" athletes entering the draft this year who are claiming that they have nothing else to fall back on, well maybe they should have taken advantage of that college education, especially given the fact that most of them will be out of the league in 2-4 years.
-Tim, Apollo Beach, FL

Rick, as a business owner, this was a "cut and dried" debate for me; I was on the owners' side. Let the players start their own league.........Thanks for presenting the non-star player perspective. I am now leaning towards a more moderate solution.
-Gregg, Buffalo, NY

Can you please pass on a message to Brian Schaefering for me? We have a job for him building bars in Vermont and delivering them all over the country. And we will beat his asking price of $12.
Thanks,
Chris Meyer, VT

I wrote ... BYU's Jimmer Fredette, Player of the Year in college basketball, is a wonderful kid with an amazing will to score, but he'll be a disaster in the pros.

You wrote ... I was an idiot and a Mormon basher.

Then I wrote ... It had nothing to do with religion and everything to do with The Jimmer being less interested in defense than a lion in a tofu burger.


Then you wrote ...

I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but not a BYU fan. Please don't mix the two. In fact, I was embarrassed by my fellow church members and their rebuttal to your perfectly worded, critically thought out article on Jimmer. I thought it was fine. I thought you did what each writer should do; study the facts, then address the issue at hand. My wife and I got a laugh as we read the responses of some very obtuse BYU fans. Way to "turn the other cheek." My fellow Cougar Blue Kool-Aid drinking Jimmer fans made the religion I practice look bad.
-Doug Harris, Salt Lake City

I wrote ... The Chicago Bulls would stun the world and win it all, defeating the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals. Admittedly, I have a glue-sniffing problem.


You wrote ...

Thanks for cursing the Bulls, ya jackwagon.
-Chris G., Chicago, IL

Care to eat a little crow Ricky? Zach Randolph carried Memphis on his back and into the 2nd round. Thank goodness for that "Punk Chromosome"!!!!!
-Jeff Link, Memphis, TN

It's true. I said Memphis wouldn't get anywhere in the playoffs because they have Zach Randolph and he has "an extra punk chromosome." I was very wrong. Randolph played with guts and heart, leading the Grizzlies into the second round. And I've received 100s of emails telling me what a great guy he is. It's possible I have an extra bonehead chromosome.

I think you owe the man an apology. Zach has a checkered past but the man really has changed during his time in Memphis. Every year he buys kids gifts at Christmas. Every year he pays for families' utility bills in the winter. Zach Randolph has done some amazing things for this city. Come to Memphis and see for yourself this next weekend.
-Evan Winburne, TN

I wrote ... It gives me great pleasure to be able to type, for the rest of my life, "Barry Bonds, convicted felon."


You wrote ...

Rick, I'd love you to be right about Barry Bonds. He lied but one person didn't think so or was bought. Therefore they could not convict on perjury. They convicted on something that will be overturned. I wish you could, but don't think you'll be able to call him convicted felon for much longer. Enjoy it while you can. He deserves it but it won't last.
-Vincent Fisher, San Diego, CA

There are far worse people than Bonds in this world, and to demonize him is just a way for you to get headlines, and serve as another distraction to the real criminals in this world. In fact, had the nation spent have (sic) the time investigating the risks of going into Iraq instead of steroids in baseball, we may have saved the lives of thousands of American troops, millions of Iraqi civilians, and the economic repercussions of starting wars we can't finish.
-Andrwe, Los Angeles

OK, so let me see if I have this right:
a) Sportswriters are the reason we're in Iraq.
b) Bonds isn't the felon, George Bush is.
c) I'm responsible for the lost lives of thousands of troops and civilians.
Got it.
Do you get sharp things in the home?


I wrote... Not all Augusta National members are rich, uncaring billionaires. Brad Boss, for instance, the former CEO of Cross pens, went out of his way to pay for a fine grave site for his long-time caddy, plus flew in from Boston to attend the viewing and the services.


You wrote ...


It's stories like this that make the Augusta National Golf Club not only a great and prestigious place, but that make it a place filled with people who really do care about "everyday people". The fact that the roars of Amen Corner can be heard from this man's grave makes me stop, shed a tear, and say......wow.
-William Cranman, FL

Who cares about a dead caddy? For the love of god, find something interesting to write about...
-Don Brown, Louisville, KY

I'm guessing you had no fears of being taken up in the Rapture?

I wrote ... Brainy CalTech won its first conference basketball game in 26 years, a joyous occasion that could only be matched by the discovery of the Heisenberg Uncertainty.


You wrote ...

After (Brandon) Davies was suspended from BYU, I was saying that if having sex disqualified you from playing college basketball, the only two schools that would be able to field a five-man team would be BYU and Caltech.
--Ralph Hayward
Caltech, class of 1975

I wrote ... Hueytown (AL) High School is finding out baseball can be a relief, win or lose, when the rest of your day involves putting your life together after losing everything in a tornado.

You wrote ...

I felt attached to (this column) since the game I umpired was the Briarwood-Hueytown game three. Briarwood came from behind and won 8-4. ... You could tell in the big crowd it was a relief for people to get away. They were not in a hurry to leave, very unusual for a loss. There were prayers before the game, and no one dared complain.
-Riley

Rick, I'm a dog person - thanks for including that Lexi was found after all.
-Barbara, Long Beach, CA

The Rapture comes Saturday at 6 p.m. ET, according to Oakland preacher Harold Camping, who's guaranteeing it.

But what if you're scuba diving and when you surface, you're the only person left on earth?

Me? Here's what I'd do:

Play 36 at Augusta, naked.

Go through President Obama's desk, take all those cool jerseys he gets from teams, then shoot on his hoop.

Watch a movie on the huge screen at Cowboys Stadium.

See if that big canister in Scottsdale really does have Ted Williams' frozen head.

Read Derek Jeter's diary.

Go to Indianapolis Motor Speedway and take 50 laps.

Not cut the lawn.

Get a monster truck and crush every car at Target.

Ride Smarty Jones once around Churchill Downs.

Bust some glass at the Baseball Hall of Fame and try on some uniforms.

Take Tiger Woods' yacht for a little spin. Play his four-hole course. Check medicine cabinet.

Eat rocky road ice cream out of the Stanley Cup.

Swim in Michael Phelps' pool wearing all 14 gold medals at once. (Remove before drowning.)

Do the Lake Placid luge, backwards.

Watch old football games on Peyton Manning's couch.

Look in Kevin Durant's backpack.

Feed many, many pets.

Introduce myself at Wrigley Field, set up a pitching machine and try to hit one out. Sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" on loudspeaker. Weep at the "take me out with the crowd" part.