These are the things I would tweet if I didn't detest tweeting:
• Lamest stat of the year: "This was USA's best Winter Olympics ever, a record 37 medals!" Please. Vancouver gave OUT more medals than any other Winter Olympics.
• Reality check: Vancouver doled out 258 medals. Lake Placid 30 years ago? 114. Squaw Valley 50 years ago? 81. Sell it somewhere else.
• Lamest stat, Part II: "Apolo Ohno, most decorated Winter Olympian ever!" Only two of his seven medals are gold. All five of Eric Heiden's are gold. Think he'd trade?
• Somebody ought to give a medal to the 10,000 fans at last week's Maryland-Virginia Tech game at Cassell Coliseum in Blacksburg, Va. Every bathroom was locked all night.
• Worse, the game, a thriller, went into double overtime. If all the shrubbery outside Cassell dies, you'll know why.
• Turns out they had a water main break. If ever there was a night for Stadium Pal, this was it.
• With Michael Jordan buying the Charlotte Bobcats, do you have this creepy feeling that he might make good on his threat to play again at age 50? Would you put it past him?
• First thing Jordan needs to do, by the way: change the Bobcats' name. Former owner Robert Johnson allegedly named them after himself. (Ugh.) So... the Charlotte Gamblers?
• How far has Tiger Woods fallen? According to the Davie Brown Index, which rates celebrities on trust and appeal, he's dropped from No. 6 to No. 147.
• Worse, Woods used to rank in the top 10 in "aspiration" -- a life Americans wanted to live. Now he's No. 2,423. Down with Omarosa, the reality TV villain, and Roger Clemens.
• But, hey, at least his plumbing works.