Thursday, February 3, 2011
Super Bowl XLV: Packers or Steelers? It's a toss up.
You say you can't decide whether to root for Green Bay or Pittsburgh this Super Bowl Sunday?
They're the exact same team!
Both teams have no cheerleaders.
Both teams are named after local industries -- Packers and Steelers -- the only two left in the NFL.
Both teams wear yellow pants.
Both teams come from lunch-pail, small-market, beer-and-pretzel towns.
Both teams have ownerships that have never changed. Pittsburgh has always been owned by the Rooneys and Green Bay has always been owned by, well, Green Bay.
Both teams are famous for linebackers with missing teeth. Green Bay had Ray Nitschke and Pittsburgh had Jack Lambert. Both men must've hated to eat corn on the cob.
Both teams have fans who don't get dressed without team-logo underwear. And nobody travels better, or more friendly, or in greater numbers, than these two fan bases.
All-time playoff winning percentage? Green Bay is first at 63.6. Pittsburgh is second, at 63.5.
Green Bay was the Team of the '60s. Pittsburgh was the Team of the '70s.
Pittsburgh was first in scoring defense this season, Green Bay second.
Pittsburgh was first in sacks, Green Bay second.
The Green Bay coach, Mike McCarthy, was born and raised in Pittsburgh. He has nine coaches on his staff who have Pittsburgh connections. Gee, you think he looks for that on résumés?
Both teams play the same 3-4 blitzing defense, which was installed by the teams' best-buddy defensive coordinators -- Dom Capers (Green Bay) and Dick LeBeau (Pittsburgh) -- who perfected it when they were both coaches under Bill Cowher in Pittsburgh.
Both teams were led this season by bearded, Christian, mobile quarterbacks -- Ben Roethlisberger and Aaron Rodgers -- who play in the shadow of legends they don't particularly admire. For Roethlisberger, it's Terry Bradshaw. For Rodgers, it's Brett Favre.
Both teams have superstar defenders who would make very good Chia pets. Pittsburgh's is Troy Polamalu, who won the AP Defensive Player of the Year award this season. Green Bay's is Clay Matthews, who finished second. They both went to USC.
For headline writers, Pittsburgh fits perfectly on top of Green Bay. Or vice versa.
And finally, you have to pull a hammy to find a way to hate either team.
There's no way to choose. They're identical. It's like picking your favorite Olsen twin.
Which is why Super Bowl XLV won't be played in either of the twin cities of Dallas OR Fort Worth.
It will be played in Arlington, square in the middle.