Don't let the boyish smile and the occasional giggles fool you. Clowney is out for pain.
After he laid Michigan running back Vincent Smith out with "Godzillahit" in the Outback Bowl, my mind started racing. I mean, he launched that poor guy's helmet back to Ann Arbor before gobbling up the ball, dropped by Smith, with one hand. He then tried to sprint toward the end zone.
Then, the Internet momentarily crashed on Tuesday when tweets surfaced that the 6-foot-6, 272-pound Clowney reportedly ran a 4.5 in the 40-yard dash during winter workouts. That's not human.
Whatever planet Clowney came from or lab he was assembled in needs to be figured out quick so we can bring more of his kind to college football -- or really any sport in general.
But what will Clowney do during his junior year at South Carolina? How will he continue to prove that he's arguably the nation's best, most athletic defender?
I should warn you that these might or might not be total exaggerations on my part:
Clowney will record six sacks in a game: He nearly did that last season against Clemson when he recored 4 1/2 in South Carolina's 27-17 win against the Tigers, so why not shoot for a little more? It'll happen.
Clowney will register 30 sacks: Derrick Thomas' record of 27 sacks in a season will only be second-best after Clowney is done this fall. He won't just top Thomas' record, he'll add a couple more just for kicks. The NCAA will then change the term "sacks" to "Clowneys."
Clowney will dunk on Michael Jordan: Clowney committed sports sin during his interview when he said that didn't really watch a lot of Michael Jordan growing up. He then declared LeBron James, who tweeted at Clowney after "The Hit," the greatest: "That's my favorite basketball player of all-time. To me, (LeBron is) my greatest of all-time." Out of pure rage because of the snub, Jordan will challenge Clowney to a game of one-on-one. Of course, "His Airness" will win comfortably, but not before Clowney shakes the rim on him with a monster tomahawk jam. Chances are the backboard will shatter as well.
Clowney will run through a brick wall: Remember the story about Tim Tebow literally running into a brick wall in order to win a workout challenge during his days at Florida? Well, Clowney will go one step further and actually run through a real brick wall just because someone tells him there's a quarterback on the other side of it. Yes, he's that powerful. Helmet optional.
Clowney will smash every sidewalk curb and car in his way: Clowney joked during his interview that he wasn't concerned with getting hurt this year because he could tear his ACL by tripping on a curb or he could get into a car accident. Just to make sure neither of those things happen, Clowney will flatten every curb he encounters and will crush (with his bare hands) any car that crosses his path -- moving or stationary. Hey, he just can't take chances, guys!
Clowney will jump to the NFL for a weekend: Somehow, Clowney will find a loophole in the NCAA rulebook, which has plenty of them, and make a guest appearance for one lucky NFL team. He'll blow up some helpless left tackle and record a couple of sacks and force a turnover or two. Clowney, of course, will intimidate the NCAA and immediately regain his eligibility for the rest of the year. The Carolina Panthers make the most sense, since Charlotte isn't too far and they need substantial help on defense.
Clowney will wrestle some wild animal with his bare hands: Whether it's a wild hog, a big cat from the zoo or an alligator, Clowney will find a way to wrestle some menacing looking creature just to keep his training fresh during the season. Someone has to challenge him, right? Clowney will win, spare the animal's life and then make said animal his pet. If it's a hog or big cat, he'll then ride that animal to and from class.
Clowney will destroy "The Hit": Clowney says he wants to top his hit on Smith, and he will. Some poor ball carrier will try his best to elude Clowney at some point this fall, but unfortunately, Clowney will smash right into him, sending the player's helmet and the ball sailing toward the end zone. Clowney's momentum will keep his legs going, as he'll sprint toward the ball, snagging both it and the player's helmet as he glides into the end zone. But he puts a real stamp on the play by dunking both objects through the goal post. The refs will be in such awe of the sequence of events that they won't even throw a flag.
There is a laundry list of amazing things Clowney could do this fall. What are some things you'd love to see him do?