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Tuesday, October 15, 2013
A little advice for Yasiel Puig

By DJ Gallo

It was the arm-raising heard 'round the world.

When Yasiel Puig launched a ball to deep right field in Game 3 of the Dodgers-Cardinals series, he raised his arms thinking it was a home run. It turned out it wasn’t a home run and Puig had to race into third for a triple where he ... gulp ... raised his arms again.

Understandably, the Cardinals didn’t care for this sort of display of youthful exuberance -- and that means something, because the St. Louis Cardinals trail only the Atlanta Braves in understanding and enforcing the unwritten rules of baseball emotion.

Now, look, no one is trying to tell Puig what he can and can’t do. He just needs to think before acting. If he can avoid doing this small list of things, everyone should be happy and we’ll all be able to let Mr. Puig play baseball in peace.

Laughing

Smiling

Grinning

Smirking

Glaring

Running too slow

Running too fast

Not signing autographs

Signing too many autographs

Waving to fans

Ignoring fans

Speaking Spanish

Speaking English

Speaking Spanglish

Using a translator

Not using a translator

Being angry to be on the bench

Being happy to be on the bench

High-fives

Low-fives

Fist bumps

Chest bumps

Forearm bumps

Yelling

Screaming

Shouting

Talking

Whispering

Singing

Dancing

Humming

Going out with his teammates

Not going out with his teammates

Stealing bases

Getting caught stealing bases

Playing instinctively

Playing like a robot

Giving interviews

Refusing interviews

Talking about politics

Not talking about politics

Denouncing Fidel Castro

Not denouncing Fidel Castro

Cheating

Not caring enough to cheat

Not showing anger

Cursing

Taking an endorsement deal

Filming a commercial

Playing with no regard for his health

Playing with complete disregard for his body

Understanding that baseball is a business

Not understanding that baseball is a business

Talking about religion

Praying

Not praying

Flipping his bat

Tossing his bat

Dropping his bat

Talking to the opposing team

Not talking to the opposing team

Not sharing personal information with the media

Sharing too much personal information with the media

Dressing too casually

Dressing too stylishly

Keeping himself in shape

Getting too bulky

Not hitting enough home runs

Swinging for the fences

Not being humble

Talking too much about being humble

Giving a thumbs-up

Giving a thumbs-down

Not going hard enough into second base

Going too hard into second base

Playing like it’s his last game

Not pacing himself

Showing emotion

Not showing emotion

Not thinking enough

Overthinking things