Wednesday Bullets

  • Bill Simmons: "In last week's NBA preview, I wondered if the Commish switched balls to steal headlines in a month usually dominated by the NFL and baseball. Well, I was wrong. They did this to increase scoring, no different than MLB juicing their baseballs back in the late '90s. This particular ball might bounce correctly when being dribbled, but it strikes the rim and backboard like a semi-flat ball that's been sitting in the garage for five years." Simmons also has great stuff about complaining about referees, the Phoenix Suns, and Zach Randolph: "I can't emphasize this emphatically enough: He DESTROYED Elton Brand at the Staples Center on Monday night. Is there a more unstoppable low-post player? Who can guard Zach Randolph when he's trying?"

  • The amazing penis basketball chair.

  • David Thorpe on Utah: "I think Utah, if healthy, can make it to the finals. No one will want to play that team, they just beat you up inside and execute so well. Utah vs. Phoenix would be a fascinating series final, kind of like the Raiders vs. Bucs in the Super Bowl, when Oakland had the leagues best "O" and Tampa had the best "D". And we all know who won."

  • Carmelo Anthony gives $3 million to build a facility for starving children high-level NCAA athletes.

  • Picking up the pieces of a Sacramento arena deal.

  • Is everyone aware that Joel Przybilla is out this entire week because he took a major league shot to the nuts? Mike Barrett explains his recovery: "Joel Przybilla continues to recover from his injury, and should also be back for the road trip. It's been a long, painful week for Joel. I'm not going to get into the injury again, but the swelling is going down, and he's at least able to move around the house a bit now. He's told me on several occasions, this was the worst pain he's ever gone through, and was a very scary thing. Good thing he's got Tiger Woods 07 on the X Box 360. I'd hate to think he's just been wasting this time. He also has NBA 2K7, but gets frustrated because he thinks he looks like a skinhead in the video game. He also tends to give himself a few more shots in the offense when playing as the Blazers. I even saw him bring the ball up the floor the other day, and said, 'give me a break. Pass the ball.' He replied, 'are you in any video games?' Well played."

  • Wacky column attacks Brian Davis's ability to buy an NBA team without any real evidence at all.

  • Eric Weiss analyzes every one of Gilbert Arenas's possessions and determines it isn't entirely Sebastian Telfair's fault that Agent Zero got 44.

  • DC Sports Bog makes the point that making fun of people on blogs is a lot harder when you meet those people in real life.

  • Gary Payton on former Sonic honchos Howard Schultz and Wally Walker, as reported by Percy Allen: "Those guys, they don't have a sense of loyalty or a sense of respect for anybody. It wasn't like the Ackerleys [the Sonics' previous owners]. The Ackerleys were great. They respected me and I respected them. I was loyal to them. I came back. They asked me to. They gave me my respect or what I deserved. I played hard there for years and while the Ackerleys were there, they were the best owners I've ever had. I probably won't see them [Walker and Schultz] again in my life. It's one of those things. If I do, I'll keep it moving. It's just one of those things that just happened. It's over with now. I don't have to say nothing to them and they don't have to say nothing to me."

  • Brian Windhorst says the motion offense isn't happening like it should yet in Cleveland: "The whole point of the new offense, which I like, is to get motion. That's what all these turnovers and all these hard time are about...learning the new offense. But if you're not going to move in crunch time, then what is the point? I am sure this will be pointed out in practice today."

  • Detroit Bad Boys wants to give you DVDs. I see a tidal wave of bloggers giving away promotional stuff.

  • Something that occured to me recently: "Lamar" in Spanish, means "to lick."

  • This is an important contribution to any discussion about Ron Artest's new album.

  • Mike Miller's hair situation.

  • Hey look, Dennis Rodman got a job coaching a fictitious team of midgets!