Omnipotence in the D-League

Oh, Rod Benson's blog ... there's really nothing on there that I wouldn't happily direct you to. The whole thing is hilarious and amazing. Picked almost at random is this part of his most recent D-League blog, about former Wizard Jerome Beasley:

Jerome also thinks he can do everything. Like Renaldo is watching a Jet
Li movie. There are obviously many Jet Li moves that get OOhh's and
AAaah's from a normal audience. Jerome? He says "Those are basic moves
really. He isn't doing anything really advanced. Although later in the
movie he will do some more uncommon moves that I will be able to
complete soon." Huh? What? Did you just call Jet Li's upside down
Chinese flying movie bicycle kick a common move? I could only imagine
his 6'10" 270 lb. self trying to do a round house kick against Jet Li.
But Jerome says he is a first degree black belt and that one day he will
reach the 8th degree. It was when he said that that people started to
look at him crazy. Actually, I guess it was just me, because everyone
else says "That's just J.B." Well I didn't know all that. Someone said
to him "You are just a man of many talents, huh?" He replied "Yea, well
actually there are only two or three things I can't do." I said "Hold
up, hold up. You mean like two or three out of all the things in the
world that can be done? Like everything, only 2 or 3 can't be completed
by J.B.?" "That's exactly right, I can do about everything in the world
except 2-3 things," he replies. This really bothers me for some reason.
Not in an angry way, but like a O.K. he can't be serious kind of way. So
I sit back and make a list of things I KNOW he can't do. I text it to him:

Things u probly cant do

1. Tight rope walk

2. Hit a Barry Zito curve

3. Surf a wave

4. Recite Pi to 50 places

5. Define Hypotenuse

6. Compete in the worlds strongest man

7. Start a fire in the woods w/o matches or lighter

I tried to incorporate things from all areas of life, just to shut him
down. To my surprise I got this back:

I can do all of them.