TrueHoop reader Brandon emails a very important collective bargaining agreement question:

This may seem like an odd question, but it's something to think about. Does the CBA have a provision that requires players to be human? Let's say, for example, I had a trained gorilla that I wanted to put on my team ... could I suit up said gorilla and have him play for my team? I glanced at the CBA and it repeatedly refered to them as "players." Well, if a gorilla were to play, it too would be a player, no? Just something to think about ... maybe this can save basketball in Memphis. 

A mature silverback certainly has the size to flourish in the low post, but I really can't imagine that Chris Wallace and Jerry West will find one that combines a decent post game with a willingness to defer to Pau Gasol on key possessions (without making a ruckus in the locker room).

Large birds of prey are unproven against zone defenses at this point. You could certainly own the paint with a well-trained giraffe or elephant, I suppose, but if Memphis is determined to go non-human, I'd really recommend they dedicate their scouting resources to man-wolves, because they are proven scorers who can also deliver free beer all around.