"Nice Shorts."

The funniest part of this whole story, from Basketbawful, is that there is an implication that longer shorts might have made everthing fine. (I'll tell you what would have made everything fine: A shower and some actual trousers.)


I was still in high school when baggy shorts were being phased in as the standard for NBA uniforms. Well, actually, they were pretty much phased in already. However, I had a pair of Celtics practice shorts left over from the late-80s. And, of course, they were of the short-short variety. I regularly wore these shorts when I played and practiced at the small court near my house. (Which, being in Indiana and all, was sandwiched between an elementary school and a corn field. Seriously.) To make matters worse, that also happened to be around the time when NBA players had begun wearing compression shorts under their shorts. So ... I usually wore my Celtics short-shorts over a pair of bike shorts that reached almost to my knees. Yes, I know. FASHION FAIL.

Anyway, a day came along on which I was supposed to go out with this girl I'd been crushing on for years, but things were kind of up in the air. So instead of just waiting around for her to call me, I went to shoot some hoops. She called shortly after I'd left, and since this was the pre-cellular phone era, my mom had to drive out and tell me that she was waiting for me at the convention center of the local community college. There was no time to clean up or get changed, so I jumped into my car and hightailed it over there. Turns out, she wanted to attend a play. Being your typically clueless 16-year-old boy, I was utterly unaware that there was anything whatsoever unusual about showing up dressed in my short-short/bike short combination and a Larry Bird t-shirt (yes, I was decked out in full Celtics regalia). Her best friend and the best friend's boyfriend were also there -- the bf was wearing a sensible (but boring) khaki-and-polo ensemble -- and her friend kind of laughed at me and said, "Nice shorts." I didn't realize until sometime later that she wasn't being sincere.