Report: Ronny Turiaf Will be a Laker Soon

December, 31, 2005
12/31/05
1:15
AM ET
Forum Blue and Gold passes along the news that Ronny Turiaf may be back from open heart surgery faster than Carlos Boozer will be back from his gimpy hamstring.

If God smiles on Hollywood, the Lakers will scrape into the playoffs, the evil Kobe Bryant will get injured early in the NBA finals, and crusty old Phil Jackson will pull Ronny aside and say something like "listen champ, if that ticker of yours can handle it, we could really use you as a starter."

Then, of course, Ronny will go for 56 and 32 in a 134-133 overtime game seven thriller which Turiaf will win with a halfcourt shot, even though he found out at halftime that he was indeed the father of that stunning mulatto child who sings and dances so well. After the game Ronny'll tell everyone that winning the championship was great but nothing compared to the enduring magic of fatherhood. His naturally beautiful, and just slightly sassy young wife (who had been about to embark on painful and expensive fertility procedures) will welcome the stunning child with open arms, after his stripper mother perisheds in a dreadful accident caused by a reckless masked man on a motorcycle. (Kobe rides a motorcycle...)

Or something like that.

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