TNA Wrestling - Innovative, Indelible, Insanity
by Jonathan Hood
May 2, 2006
Competition is good for everybody. It motivates you, it makes you more aggressive in your life and in professional wrestling it's exciting for fans of the squared circle.
For years, I always had an alternative when I watched wrestling. WWA, World Championship Wrestling, World Class Championship Wrestling, World Wrestling Federation, Georgia Championship Wrestling, American Wrestling Association; the list goes on and on of organizations be it nationally or regionally that you could become attached to if you are a wrestling fan.
I believe that the storylines and amount of quality matches on WWE Raw and Smackdown are as poor as they ever been.
The reason for that is the 15 minute set up with a interview that is too long which sets up a main event that is 6-7 minutes. That is cheating the wresting fan. Pro Wrestling shows shouldn't be predictable. On WWE programming, for the most part, what your getting on Raw. You will see 3 or 4 matches with skits painfully throughout that we don't need.
Maybe this is why I prefer to watch Smackdown because it is somewhat different. At least the main event will be exciting and the cruiserweights are always fun to watch. Smackdown wrestlers appear to compete with a chip on their shoulder; as if to say ‹Let's give the audience a real wrestling show with tremendous action."
Because of the repetition of what you might see in the WWE, this is where Total Nonstop Action comes in.
Total Non Stop Action is a terrific alternative to the WWE. There are many young superstars that are worth every Pay-Per-View you purchase. Wrestling that you would only see in the Ohio Valley, Ring of Honor, or Japan is now showcased on TNA.
TNA has done a good job of thinking outside the box. They compete in a 6 sided ring, their main event matches aren't necessarily at the end of the night, they happen throughout the card. You will also see a different move or circumstance that is unexpected every Pay-Per-View.
When TNA first began, there weekly shows were only on Pay-Per-View for $10.00 a program, they went from Fox Sports to Spike T.V. and are getting some good publicity. Jeff Jarrett, wrestler and vice president of TNA was on the Stephen A. Smith Show with other TNA superstars, Monte Brown, Jackie Gayda and others.
Simon Diamond, was hit in the back with a steel chair by Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen during spring training, part of A.J. Pierzynski involvement with the company. So TNA has gotten mainstream press.
I think TNA is a strong company that will get better because of the youth on the roster. There are some wrestling fans that want to see something different. Here are examples of TNA wrestlers that I love to watch:
AJ Styles - I can't get enough of superstars like the 28 year old Phenomenal AJ Styles, who I think pound-for-pound is the one of the best performers in wrestling. A.J. is a multi-time triple crown Champion who's moves make Rob Van Dam look like the Brooklyn Brawler Steve Lombardi. Styles always has innovative moves that are breathtaking. I am disappointed that Styles has had some very short runs as World Heavyweight Champion because he could carry a company and is a wrestler that you would pay to see. Styles reign as World Champion lasted from 6/11/03-10/22/03, 4/21/04-5/19/04 and 5/15/05-6/19/05 that isn't enough time for anyone to be the man for the company. I don't think his finishing move "The Styles Clash" is very sexy, but everything else about Styles is Phenomenal.
Samoa Joe - Is the current X Division Champion and he is a throwback. In this world of wrestling where most wrestlers look the same with muscles on top of their muscles, here's Samoa Joe at 270 lbs. moving around that 6 sided ring like a cruiserweight. I am impressed because I can't come up with a comparison for his wrestling style. The Samoan Submission Machine, can brawl, sell and mat wrestle with anybody. When Joe,26, is in the ring, he has that maniacal, intense look on his face and as vicious as anyone I've seen in a long time. WWE Hall of Famer Bret Hart has talked in the past about being a physical wrestler and making every move count, Joe certainly does that. Joe is a 2005 Super X Cup Champion. He is undefeated on TNA television and his star shines brightly in TNA.
Petey Williams - As a wrestling fan, you've seen piledrivers before right? Jerry Lawler, Don Muraco, Paul Orndorff, The Undertaker have all utilized the maneuver. But have you ever seen a flip piledriver? It's so devastating you have to see it for yourself. "The Canadian Destroyer" as he calls it, is one of the most amazing moves that you will see in wrestling. I believe that this former X Division Champion is ready to become World Champion of TNA. Because of his heel persona, Williams is totally over with the fans and can wrestle with anybody in the company. Being part of Team Canada, a stable of talent with tremendous upside, only helps Williams stand out even more.
Name a bad Canadian Wrestler? That country always cranks out top notch talent.
There are five things that I would love to see Total Non-Stop Action accomplish over the next 12 months:
1. Stop holding the young wrestlers back - The way you separate yourself from another company is you go with youth and you build the character and the image of that wrestler and allow him to grow. I had a discussion or maybe a strong disagreement with Jimmy Hart at the United Center backstage at a Nitro show a few years back about utilizing veteran talent over younger talent. I said why can't you do both? Jimmy said, Believe me wrestling fans want to see the talent that there used to watching. Doesn't matter of the wrestler is a mid-card performer or a curtain-jerker, fans want to see the older talent vs. some kid they never heard of that can do a few moves but can't tell a story" Wow! I totally disagree with that, but TNA at times has a similar philosophy.
Why has Jeff Jarrett been a multiple World Heavyweight Champion? I wouldn't pay to see this guys matches anymore, because I know what he can do. His mic skills are eroding and the second verse is the same as the first with Jarrett when he performs.
Rhino was TNA champion for a short period of time, which I was fine with, however the current champion is Christian.
I like Christian, but I never thought he was World Championship material. I still don't. The finishing move "The Unprettier" is bad enough, but I don't see Christian taking high risk moves or really seeing anything new from week to week. Using The Rock's style of interviewing to get over doesn't impress me. For all the hard work that Christian has put in to this business, I am happy to see him live his dream, but I believe there are a other stars on the roster that will give me something new and fresh and Christian doesn't do that. I don't think that the Kevin Nash's, the Jarrett's or the Scott Steiner's help launch the younger wrestlers if they are held back.
For me stars like Styles, Williams, Samoa Joe, Fallen Angel, Bobby Roode, Abyss, Monte Brown, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelly and others should be the next superstars in line to have long reigns as Champion of TNA.
2. Get a better Television Deal with Spike T.V. - I don't know why Spike T.V. thinks that UFC is more popular than wrestling. TNA should have the 7 p.m. or 8 p.m. cdt slot on Spike. Long after the UFC is done, wrestling will still be on television. I believe that TNA should be on a better time slot than 10 p.m cdt on Thursdays. My choice would be Tuesday nights at 8 p.m. cdt. Or 6 p.m. Sunday nights. I'm sure that TNA would bring in more revenue and more ratings than some movie of the night that Spike shows. I like the 1 hour format, but I wonder with the influx of talent and the company growing, if they would consider a 2 hour program in the future? If not Spike, then hello Ted Turner?
3. Move around to different venues - I could swear I see the same fans in the same seats in the first row of the Impact Zone Arena in Orlando. I would like to see what other fans think of TNA across the country. I'm sure if TNA did a show in Canada, it would be unbelievable because of Team Canada.
4. Be Total Non-Stop Action - I thought at one point in wrestling that interviews were lost in the shuffle like tag team wrestling. Interviews are one thing, but I don't have to see Sting in the ring taking up the main event time playing "Deal or no Deal" just to reveal Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell to us. More action, some interviews, fewer skits.
5. Continue to stick with your strengths - I look forward to a time where TNA can compete for the wrestling fans dollar at House Shows and pay-per-views. As I said in my last column, I hope that Vince Russo and TNA is never afraid to shoot with the audience and go head up against the WWE when they are ready because you and I the wrestling fans will be the winners.
As Jeff Jarrett said on a recent interview, TNA is pushing the WWE to have to perform better and it elevates TNA's product as well. As a wrestling fan, our sport has been stagnant for too long, it's time for TNA to become a viable contender.
Hoodwinked (Random thoughts from an addled wrestling fan...):
Christy Hemme is in TNA..Why does she seem hotter with that promotion...I like Rob Conway but it takes more than sunglasses and a dye job to get over...Umaga seems pretty impressive...But he beat Ric Flair, what does that really say for Flair's career?...I was wondering when Eugene was going to turn heel..but I guess it doesn't matter anymore...The Spirit Squad sadly are the biggest heels in the WWE...Trish Stratus out 6 weeks with a dislocated right shoulder...That's too bad because Trish vs. Mickie James was the only interesting storyline on Raw...Rey Meysterio as World Champion is working out better than I thought...Watch this kid Senshi, new to TNA, I saw him several times in person and he's fun to watch.... Have you been to ddpbang.com Diamond Dallas Paige's website lately?...Here is a sample of what he thinks of TNA...When will they (bleeping) understand that people don't want to see Sting anymore? People don't care about Sting ‚¨" An old fool who was never in the WWE so most people don't know who he is. Or Jarret some (bleeping) red neck who used to get beat up by Chyna. Or Kevin Nash's A lazy, greedy cripple, trading on glories long past. Or the New Age Outlaws. At least Nash or Sting can trade on past glories; These (blanks) were popular in the mid-card for all of five minutes. And now they‚re planning on hiring Scott Steiner and Rikishi of all people? Jesus Christ almighty. Where's the learning curve? And they pay these guys a fortune only to then turn around and haggle with Samoa Joe over a few thousand friggin' dollars? Do they really genuinely think people are buying their PPVs to see any of those guys? Oh and Christian is now their champion. A mid card comedy act........What do you think guys? Jealousy?... RVD is the new I-C Champion? I remember when a champion had staying power...Before Shelton Benjamin could put on his new sunglasses and drop his "mother" from ringside, the belt was off of him...Nice program between the two... Chris Benoit vs. Fit Findlay is a match I could watch for a half-hour....Please come back Mr. Kennedy!!!..Kenn-a-aaaa-dy!!! Please no more interviews disrupted by TNA referee Slick Johnson...I'd rather see Larry Zybysko and Terry Taylor host WCW Saturday Night before I see Slick again...on second thought....
Event: WWE Backlash (RAW Brand) Pay Per View Results
Airdate: Sunday, April 30th, 2006
Location: The Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY Results by PowerWrestling.com
Welcome to the Backlash Coverage. For those keeping score, Goldust defeated Rob Conway on the pre-show Heat broadcast.
WWE Backlash Opener:
Backlash opened up with a video of McMahon's bloody face and his maniacal laugh, pushing Shawn Michaels and God vs. The McMahon's. We also get a video package for the Triple Threat Match between WWE Champion John Cena, Edge and Triple H. The fireworks then went off in the arena as Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler and The Coach welcomed us to the show!
Chris Masters vs. Carlito
The music of the Masterpiece hit in the arena as Chris Masters made his way down to the ring for this opening contest against his former tag team partner, Carlito.
Masters got in Carlito's face as the fans chanted for Carlito. Carlito slapped Masters and then Masters came back with a right hand. Masters followed up with more right hands, and then ripped the shirt off Carlito and choked away at him with it. Masters kicked at Carlito and then sent him to the ropes but Carlito came back with a dropkick to the knee and then a bulldog for two.
Carlito and Masters traded right hands in the corner and then Masters followed up with a back body drop for a two count. Masters clubbed the back of Carlito and then sent him to the ropes but Carlito came back with a kick to the face but then Masters got him up for a press slam but Carlito dropped out the back and locked in a full nelson! Masters broke the hold and then charged at Carlito, but Carlito dropped the top rope down and Masters went to the outside. Carlito with a cross body over the top onto Masters and then sent him back into the ring.
Carlito hit some right hands in the corner, and then some mounted punches. Masters ate an elbow in the corner but then came back with a right hand and went for a powerbomb but Carlito nailed right hands, but then Masters threw Carlito into the turnbuckles for a two count. Huge "Masters Sucks!" chants broke out as Masters choked Carlito over the middle rope and then hit a leg drop for another near fall. Masters dragged Carlito across the ring by his hair and then locked in a head vice. Carlito fought out with elbows and then hit right hands but then ran into a back elbow from Masters for two.
Masters went back to the head vice and then nailed a neckbreaker for two. Carlito raked the eyes in the corner but then walked into a clothesline from Masters and then a series of right hands. Masters hit snake eyes in the corner and then called for the Master Lock. Masters went for it but Carlito dropped down and rolled Masters up for a near fall. Carlito hit a springboard back elbow and hit an elbow in the corner. Carlito grabbed his apple and tossed it in the air distracting Masters, and Carlito hit a dropkick to the knee. Carlito hit a series of left hands and clotheslines and then a nice dropkick.
Masters sent Carlito sternum first to the corner and then nailed a strong back shot before perching Carlito on the top rope. Masters went for a back suplex but Carlito elbowed him down and then came off with a moonsault onto the standing Masters for two. Masters went for the Master Lock and Carlito went to roll through but Carlito blocked and then threw Masters into the corner and then nailed the backcracker and used the ropes to get the win!
Maria is in the back and she says that Masters beat Carlito?what a ditz. She then talks about the WWE Championship Match and we go to comments from fans outside the arena today, giving their predictions. Maria then says that tonight we'll see?Lita then comes in and says she doesn't care what they think tonight, in a southern accent. These are the same fans that have been calling her a ho. She's kept her mouth shut?Maria said from what she hears, Lita likes to keep her mouth wide open. Lita told her to shut up and the people can laugh all they want because she will be the one who will be laughing when Edge walks out WWE Champion. Lita said they won't have a live sex celebration; they will have a private one, because unlike these people, she actually gets some!
Umaga vs. Ric Flair
Armando Alejandro Estrada is in the ring and says for everyone to listen to him. He introduces us to the man who is going to destroy Ric Flair, Umaga!
Umaga meets Flair in the aisle and they trade right hands but Umaga beats Flair down. Umaga tosses Flair into the ring and nails some right hands in the corner. Flair comes back with an eye poke and then Estrada got on the apron and Flair took advantage of the distraction with a low blow. Flair rallied with some chops and another low blow! Umaga came back with a uppercut to knock Flair down and then hit a clothesline in the corner.
Umaga went for the running butt bump in the corner but Flair rolled to the outside. Umaga followed out and was met with a chop and Umaga again came back with a forearm. Umaga charged at Flair, but Flair moved and Umaga hit the ring steps and post. Back in the ring and Flair stomped at the knee of Umaga, and then hit a chopblock to take him down.
Flair went for the Figure Four but Umaga kicked him off and then locked Flair into the tree of woe. Umaga hit a running headbutt on Flair and then went for the butt bump again and this time he nailed it. Umaga went to the middle rope and hit a flying headbutt on Flair. Umaga then hit his thumb to the throat and covered for the relatively easy win!
Vince is backstage flexing his muscles, and then Shane comes in. Vince says this is not a Handicap Match, it's a tag team match with the McMahon's against Shawn Michaels and God. Vince said Shane will send Michaels straight to hell, but to leave God for him. Vince says there is nothing that God can do that he can't do. McMahon then pours some water on the floor and stomps in it. Vince says he's walking on water! Vince then takes a fish and some bread and then tosses the fish away and broke the bread, and tossed it away. Hmm. Vince then looks up and says now and the brad and fish came flying back at him! Vince then says to look at the fish, it's a sign. Holy Mackerel! Shane then took a sip of the water and it had turned into wine as Vince left.
Women's Championship Match
Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James (c)
Referee: Jack Doan
Mickie James' music hit in the arena as she made her way down to the ring as the Women's Champion and she's set to defend against former champion, Trish Stratus! Trish came out looking normal, not like Mickie.
Mickie and Trish locked up and Mickie worked the arm with an arm wringer. Trish revered with a leg trip into a cover for two. Mickie charged at Trish, but Trish did the Matrish and then went for the whirly bird headscissors but Mickie blocked and then Trish came back with a series of clotheslines. Trish scored with a kick right to the face sending Mickie outside. When Trish went to the outside, her right nipple was clearly exposed. We have posted exclusive clear-cut photos of this which can be found the link at the very bottom of this report. There are 4 clear pics. Trish came off the apron with a Thesz press and then hit right hands before sending Mickie back inside for two.
Trish hit a splash in the corner and then hit some mounted punches, but Mickie dumped Trish over the top all the way to the floor. Trish seems to have hurt her arm as she gets back into the ring and Mickie covered for two. Mickie covered again for another two count and then stomped right on the injured arm of Stratus.
Mickie slammed Trish head first into the mat and then stomped right on the back of her head. Mickie choked Trish with some kind of strap and the referee called for the bell. It looks like Trish was legit hurt and they had to end early.
Winner by disqualification: Trish Stratus
Maria is in the back and said she made a mistake earlier, the winner of the first match was Carlito. She then brings in Michaels and she said McMahon asked her to ask him if God is going to show up tonight. Michaels said that the Lord is with him tonight. He said that he expects Michaels to use his gifts to the best of his ability, this is a handicap match and McMahon found at WrestleMania he couldn't hang with Michaels so he made it a handicap match. Michaels said the McMahon's will be brought down to their knees, and he might even have Vince McMahon himself crying out to God, or maybe not. He said himself and Lexington have two words for ya...suck it!
Money In The Bank vs. Intercontinental Title
Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam
Referee: Chad Patton
The music of Shelton Benjamin hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring as the Intercontinental Champion, and he will be facing Mr. Money in the Bank, Rob Van Dam, with all of the goodies on the line!
The fans chanted ECW as the two locked up as Benjamin took RVD down with a go behind and then acted cocky like he owned RVD. They locked up again and Benjamin worked the arm with an arm wringer but RVD reversed into a top wrist lock. Benjamin with a springboard into an arm drag to escape and then acted like it was nothing.
Benjamin locked in a side headlock and RVD sent him to the ropes but Benjamin came back with a shoulder block. RVD then with a unique rollup for two and then a pair of arm drags to rattle the Intercontinental Champion. Benjamin backed off into the ropes. Another lock up and Benjamin backed RVD to the corner and broke clean but then kicked RVD in the mid section. Benjamin nailed a right hand but RVD came back with a spin kick sending Benjamin outside. Benjamin got pissed and kicked the ring steps. Back in the ring and the pair locked up again and Benjamin clubbed the back of Van Dam.
Benjamin sent RVD to the ropes but RVD flipped over Benjamin and then ducked a clothesline before hitting a spinning keel kick. RVD hit some clotheslines and then a body slam and followed up by going for Rolling Thunder but Benjamin bailed to the outside. RVD flew over the top rope onto Benjamin with a cross body and then sent Benjamin back inside. Benjamin then flipped over the ropes with a sunset flip powerbomb onto RVD who was on the apron. Benjamin sent RVD back inside and covered for a two count.
Benjamin nailed some knees the back of RVD and then hit a running back splash against RVD up against the middle rope for two. Benjamin locked in a rear chin lock as the fans got behind Rob Van Dam. RVD fought out with elbows but then Benjamin pulled him down by the hair. Benjamin choked RVD over the middle rope and then hit a running knee to the head of RVD from the apron for two. Benjamin hit a backbreaker and then went back to the rear chin lock. Benjamin then locked in a camel clutch variation as the fans again got behind Mr. Monday Night.
Benjamin nailed a body slam and then another one, continuing to work the back of Van Dam, before going back to the chin lock. RVD fought out with elbows and then Benjamin went for the Exploder but RVD blocked and knocked Benjamin down. RVD went for the Rolling Thunder but Benjamin got up and hit the Samoan Drop for a near fall. Benjamin perched RVD on the top rope and went for a superplex but RVD blocked and knocked Benjamin down but then Benjamin leaped right up there and hit a overhead suplex sending RVD crashing to the mat for two!
Benjamin locked in a body scissors on RVD but RVD fought out and held onto the ropes on an Irish whip as Benjamin went for a dropkick. RVD hit a nice kick to the head in the corner and then avoided a splash in the corner. RVD nailed some clotheslines and then a straight kick. Benjamin ate an elbow in the corner and then RVD hit a springboard side kick and then a spinning heel kick followed up with Rolling Thunder for two. RVD nailed a slam and then followed up with the split legged moonsault for a near fall. RVD hit some shoulder thrusts in the corner and then a monkey flip but Benjamin landed on his feet.
RVD hit a step over heel kick and then leaped up top for the Five Star but Benjamin rolled out of the way. Benjamin hit a sick DDT and covered but RVD got his foot on the bottom rope. Benjamin covered again but RVD kicked out at two. Benjamin covered for a third time with his feet on the ropes but again Van Dam kicked out. Benjamin sent RVD to the outside and followed out but RVD hit a drop toe hold on Benjamin into the barricade. Benjamin got pissed and grabbed the briefcase from ringside. RVD went for a baseball slide but Benjamin side stepped and hit a sweet superkick on the outside.
Benjamin sent RVD back inside and then went up top and dived off with a cross body but RVD rolled through for a two count. Benjamin went for the Dragon Whip but RVD countered and then nailed a huricanrana. Benjamin grabbed the briefcase again and the referee got knocked down. RVD hit Benjamin in the gut and then hit the Van Daminator with the briefcase! RVD leaped up top and came off with the Five Star for the win!
Winner and new Intercontinental Champion: and still Mr. Money in the Bank, Rob Van Dam
Rob Van Dam celebrated his huge victory as he is leaving Lexington with both the Intercontinental Title and his Money in the Bank briefcase!
Big Show is backstage with Todd Grisham. Show says he's tried to do everything he can do as a friend to help Kane. Show says that Kane has problems, but who doesn't? He says he doesn't know why May 19 is so traumatic for Kane, but he does know that Kane crossed the line last week, and tonight, it's an eye for an eye.
Kane vs. The Big Show
Referee: Jack Doan
Lilian looked very nervous as she introduced Kane to the ring. The Big Show then made his way down, and these two former partners are about to lock heads.
Kane slapped Big Show and then nailed some right hands but then Show picked him up and nailed a Press Slam. Show nailed a headbutt and then a huge chop in the corner. Show followed up with another chop and then charged at Kane, but Kane got his boot up. Kane went for the eye but Show blocked and hammered at the elbow of Kane. Show sent Kane head first to the corner, and then worked over the elbow of Kane some more.
Kane went to the outside and Show followed out before sending Kane back inside. Kane met show on the apron and rammed him head first into the ring post. Kane stomped Show as he got back in the ring and then clubbed at the back and shoulder. Kane worked Show's shoulder over in the ropes and then nailed a running clothesline in the corner. Kane hit another huge clothesline knocking Show down for two. Kane wrenched at the arm of the Big Show but Show came back with a slam. Show went for an elbow but Kane rolled out of the way and continued to work on the shoulder.
Show came back with a headbutt and then grabbed Kane by the throat but Kane fought out. Kane went back to working the shoulder of Big Show but Show fought out with a hip toss but then ran into a big boot from Kane. Kane went to the top rope and came off with the clothesline but Show caught him and picked him up and nailed a fallaway slam. Show hit a clothesline and then sent Kane to the corner and charged in with a butt bump. Show nailed another clothesline and called for the chokeslam. Show went for it but Kane countered into a DDT for two.
Kane nailed an uppercut but Show came back with a big boot and then a leg drop for two. Show went for a slam but Kane dropped out the back and hit an uppercut but then ran into a powerslam for two. Show then looked at his finger, and went for Kane's eye but Kane blocked it with an eye rake. Kane then hit a boot to the head sending Show to the outside. Kane followed out and then the lights turned red in the arena as a voice over hit, saying May 19 is happening again.
Kane went nuts and crawled around and started ramming his head into the turnbuckle. Show got back into the ring and went to check on Kane before rolling to the outside. Show grabbed a chair and Kane is still going nuts. Show then nailed Kane eight in the head with the chair and looked upset at his actions, like he was putting Kane out of his misery. Show then got out of the ring and made his way to the back. Kane sat up and started laughing.
Winner - No Contest
Vince is in the back and Candice Michelle comes in and she's coughing. McMahon said it's a new cleaning solvent, it smells a little fishy. Candice says that with McMahon being God she wants her to put his healing hands on her. McMahon puts his hand on her head, but she says lower. Vince goes down to the shoulders and then the waist. Candice then started screaming orgasm noices and McMahon yelled to heal this woman's voluptuous breast! Shane comes in and says it's time to go and Vince didn't look pleased because he couldn't finish the job.
No Holds Barred Match
Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels and God
Referee: Michael Chioda
The music of Shane McMahon hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring, and he will be teaming with his father, Vince McMahon against Shawn Michaels and God here tonight. Yep. McMahon gets on the mic and introduces us to Michaels' tag team partner tonight, he has many times, he's the Holy Roller, the Hipster from Heaven, the man upstairs?God! Some holy music then hit as a spotlight shone on the entrance way and made it's way down the aisle as if God was making his entrance. McMahon yelled to stop the music and says that we're not doing things his way; they are doing things his way. He says that's not an entrance, and we're doing it WWE style. Some dance music then hit as Vince started dancing around as God made his way around the ring. God is now in the ring apparently and McMahon tells the referee to go check him out. McMahon slaps the referee and tells him to go check him out, but then McMahon says to bring it, whatever he has, because tonight there is no disqualification, no count out, this match is No Holds Barred! Praise be the name of Vincent Kennedy McMahon! Shawn Michaels music then hit as he made his way down to the ring.
Michaels slapped Vince and sent him to the outside and then nailed Shane with a back drop. Michaels hit a cross body over the top onto Vince on the outside and then back in the ring he gave Shane some right hands. Shawn clotheslined Shane to the outside and then skinned the cat to get back in before hitting a somersault plancha onto Shane on the outside! Michaels fought with Shane up the aisle with chops but then Shane came back with a knee to the mid section and then hit some jabs.
Shane went to piledrive Michaels off the stage but Michaels blocked with a back drop. Vince then comes up with a chair but Michaels knocked him down. Michaels throws Shane head first into the stage and then dives at Vince and hits a cross body on him off the stage and through the floor! Holy shit! Vince is down as Michaels gets to his feet and climbs back up onto the stage but is met with a chair shot from Shane McMahon. Shane went down to check on his dad and helped him out of his hole as Michaels is busted wide open. Shane hit some right hands to the head of Shawn as Vince struggles to his feet. Shane sends Michaels rolled down the aisle and then punts him in the ribs.
Shane tossed Michaels head first into the ring post and then nailed some jabs. Shane hit an arm whip takedown sending Michaels into the barricade. Back in the ring and Shane kicked at the ribs of Michaels. Shane hit more jabs to Michaels in the corner and then nailed a back suplex. Shane went up top and came off with an elbow but Michaels moved out of the way. Shane and Michaels traded right hands with Michaels coming out on top but then Shane hit a float over DDT. Shane tagged in Vince and he took off his belt. Vince whipped Michaels across the back repeatedly with the belt and then wrapped it around his fist and punched Michaels in the head with it. McMahon hit another right hand with the belt and then called for a trash can.
Shane tossed Vince a trash can and he nailed Michaels square in the head with it. McMahon got on the mic and asked God what he thinks now. Vince asks God what he's going to do about it. McMahon then acted like God was leaving and he yelled at him to come back. Vince called Michaels a piece of crap and then McMahon said God has left the building, but Michaels' hasn't. Vince got Michaels to his feet and said he's going to knock his feet down his throat. McMahon went for chin music but Michaels grabbed his foot and rallied with right hands and then a flying forearm. Michaels nipped up as Shane got in the ring with a chair and swung at Michaels but he ducked and Vince got nailed hard!
Michaels nailed right hands on Shane and knocked him down with the flying forearm and then nipped up and hit the atomic drop and then a pair of clotheslines followed by a slam. Michaels went up top and came off with the elbow and connected with it! Michaels started to tune the band and scored with Sweet Chin Music to both McMahon's! Michaels did the dx chop and then went under the ring. Michaels pulled out two tables and got them in the ring. Michaels set up both tables side by side and then laid Shane on one, and went to the outside and fetched Vince and put him on the other. Michaels then went back under the ring and pulled out a ladder, a huge ladder! Michaels set up the ladder near the corner and then headed to the top of it.
Michaels flew off the ladder to the outside onto the Spirit Squad who had come down to ringside! Michaels has took out the entire Spirit Squad! Michaels then nailed the Squad with right hands but they overcame him. The Squad kicked and stomped on Michaels on the outside and then held him up as they took shots at him. The Squad went into the ring to check on the McMahon's and they rook the ladder down and moved the tables. The squad then did their bounce slam on Michaels right through the table! McMahon then crawled on top of Michaels for the win.
Winners - Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon
JR screamed out that this was bullshit as the Spirit Squad helped the McMahon's to the back. They hoisted the McMahon's on their shoulders as a fallen Michaels was shown in the ring.
Todd Grisham is in the back and introduces WWE Champion John Cena. Grisham said the crowd isn't 100% behind him, some love him and some hate him. Cena said thanks for watching the show. Grisham talks about the events leading to tonight. Cena said tonight he doesn't have to get pinned to lose the WWE Championship. He said he has seen and heard just about everything, from kudos to death threats, the fans are decided. He said those are the sounds of the deafening silence of the fans who want Edge as the WWE Champion, he said there are a few fans who want Triple H as champion, but it all comes down to this. He says that tonight, through it all, through the hoe's, through the hammer's and through the hater's, there will be one voice that will stand tall when the final bell tolls and that's Lilian Garcia when she announces the winner and still WWE Champion, John Cena.
JR informs us that Trish Stratus has a separated shoulder and it's being put back into it's place.
In the arena:
The music of Matt Striker hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring. Striker gets on the mic and says that he was not originally scheduled to be here, but with all due respect, there is another miracle occurring right now. He said that miracle is that there is actually an intelligent person right here in Kentucky. He said he knows Kentucky is famous for many things like fried chicken, illegally recruited basketball players, the one thing it's not famous for is being an educated state, but they are right on par with the rest of the country. Striker said he has some good news for ya'll, his name is Matt Striker and he's going to be their teacher. He said as an added bonus, he has gone out and found one of the smartest men to ever come from Kentucky, so join him in welcoming Eugene! Eugene made his way down to the ring and then hugged Striker. Striker shoved him away and said this is exactly what he's talking about. He said that this is a perfect reason, regardless of how tempted you may be, to not marry your cousin!
Striker said he's going to take an educated guess; you're confused right now aren't you? He said he brought Eugene out here to make an example out of him. He said he's willing to bet that Eugene can't even spell his own name. Eugene says he can spell it, and Striker hands him the chalk and tells him to write his name on his blackboard. Striker says he has no idea what Ashley Judd sees in you people. Striker goes to see what Eugene has spelled, and it says "Matt Striker Loves Poop!" Eugene laughed and then Eugene started a "You Love Poop" chant. Striker said this is disrespectful, and he said poop isn't even a word and he shouldn't capitalize it! Eugene was then caught picking his nose and there's a booger on his finger and he rolled it. Eugene went to put it in his mouth and Striker stopped him. He said to forget all of this, if there is one thing that he takes away from tonight, you do not pick your nose and then attempt to eat it! Striker asked if he understood and Eugene nodded. Eugene then rammed the booger into Striker's mouth and nailed him with the Stunner!
WWE Championship Match
Triple Threat Match
Triple H vs. Edge vs. John Cena (c)
Referee: Mickey Hensen
The music of Edge hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring with Lita for this Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship. Triple H then made his way down to the ring, followed by WWE Champion John Cena.
We're underway as Edge went to the outside and then Triple H and Cena traded right hands with Cena coming out on top. Cena nailed a running shoulder, and then another. Cena hit his fisherman's buster for two when Edge broke the ball. Edge bailed to the outside again as Cena nailed some mounted punches on Triple H. Triple H came back with an inverted atomic drop and then some right hands. Cena fought back with right hands of his own but then ran into a high knee for two when Edge again broke the fall.
Triple H hit some right hands and Cena rallied with some of his own. Edge is up on the apron and then both men see him as he was laughing and they both pull Edge into the ring. Cena and Triple H take turns on Edge with right hands and then Cena clotheslines him to the outside. Cena follows out and slams Edge face first into the announce table. Triple H then does the same and Triple H and Cena are working together. Cena slams Edge face first and they repeatedly take turns slamming Edge into the table. Triple H tosses Edge back into the ring and Cena goes after him but then Triple H comes from behind and nailed Cena and tossed him outside. Edge comes back with right hands on Triple H and he falls to the apron. Edge stomps away at him and went to suplex him back into the ring, but Cena is back and pulls Triple H off the apron, hanging Edge up in the process. Cena went up top and came off with a splash onto Edge for a two count.
Cena hit a spinning back suplex and then went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but Lita pulled down the top rope sending Cena to the outside. Triple H then whipped Cena into the ring steps and went after Edge. Triple H nailed right hands and then a facebuster. Triple H knocked Edge down with a clothesline and covered for two. Triple H hit some right hands on Edge in the corner and then whips him to the corner and charges in but Edge got his boot up. Edge then charged at Triple H but he was met with a spinebuster for two. Triple H went for a suplex but Edge reversed and nailed a right hand and then the Edge-o-matic for two. Triple H came back with a sleeper on Edge but then Edge reversed into a sleeper of his own and Cena came in and went for a double FU, picking up both men! Edge then dropped out and nailed the Spear on Cena and Triple H was sent to the outside.
Edge nailed Triple H with right hands on the outside and then catapulted him into the ring post and Triple H is busted wide open. Edge sent Triple H onto the announce table and gave him a DDT onto the table, and the table didn't break! Back in the ring and Edge hit a missile dropkick on Cena for two. Edge nailed some right hands on Cena in the corner and then stomped away at him. Edge hit a spear in the corner and then went for a DDT but Cena hit a drop toe hold and then locked in the STFU! Edge screamed in pain and went to reach the ropes but Triple H grabbed his arm to stop him and then jammed Cena in the head with the microphone. Triple H grabbed a chair on the outside, and hit a homerun on Edge sending him over the barricade into the crowd. Triple H got back in the ring and walked into a drop toe hold from Cena and he has the STFU again!
Triple H's bloody face screamed in pain as he tried to reach the ropes and then seemed to pass out. The referee checked the arm and it dropped twice but stayed alive on the third and Triple H started to power up to his knees and made the ropes! Cena went for the FU but Triple H reversed and went for the Pedigree but Cena reversed into another STFU! Edge is back up and climbed to the top rope and Cena saw him and cut him off with a right hand. Cena and Edge traded rights and the referee got knocked down. Cena went for the FU from the top but then Triple H came from underneath and got Cena on his shoulders and everyone crashed and burned! Lita is now in the ring with a chair and went to nail Triple H with it but he nailed her with a spinebuster! Triple H grabbed the chair and went to use it but then threw it down and went to get his sledgehammer!
Triple H got back into the ring with the sledgehammer and waited for Cena to get up but then Edge came out of nowhere with the Spear on Triple H! Edge grabbed the hammer and went to nail Cena but Cena went for the FU and then Triple H gave Cena a low blow and then went for the Pedigree but Cena reversed into a jackknife cover for the win!
Winner and still WWE Champion: John Cena
Triple H knocked Cena down from behind and then took down the referee and Edge with the sledgehammer. Triple H then nailed Cena in the head with the hammer and did the dx chop towards Cena. The crowd popped huge as Triple H picked up his sledgehammer and he is the last man standing here tonight as Edge and Cena are both down and out in the ring, but the bottom line is that Cena is still the WWE Champion!
Next Month: Wrestlers I respect in the WWE
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Because of my schedule, I don't read the dirt sheets or watch every program and pay-per-view as often as I'd like, however, I do enjoy talking wrestling, err, sports entertainment with you!
Jonathan Hood has been a pro wrestling fan since 1977. He hosted Wrestlemaniacs, a pro wrestling radio show, for five years.