Find a cure for the Bottom 10 fever
The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
Will you love me even though I'm throwing up on stage?"
-- Justin Bieber
There is no entry for "Bieber Fever" on WebMD and there is no known cure.
Symptoms include rabid Twitter fan accounts, high-pierced shrieking, occasional bouts of hysterical crying -- any type of irrationally exuberant behavior characteristic of teenage girls.
The cause of this affliction, Justin Bieber, was struck with a bout of sickness Saturday as he kicked off his world tour, excusing himself not once, but twice, after throwing up on stage. He later blamed the sickness on a case of bad milk, which, apparently, does not do a body good.
Bieber asked his adoring fans if they still loved him despite having lost his lunch. They responded enthusiastically in the affirmative. If only defensive coordinators had such a forgiving audience.
A different type of fever swept across college football this weekend, infecting teams across the country. Symptoms included blown coverage assignments, missed tackles and general defensive disarray.
Idaho came down with the worst case. The Vandals allowed 371 yards and 45 points in the first half of a 66-0 loss to North Carolina, enough to earn them the top spot in this week's Bottom 10.
Georgia Tech fans might have reached for the vomit bag after seeing the Yellow Jackets give up more than 500 yards to Middle Tennessee in a 49-28 loss. A week ago, they squandered a 17-point second-half lead in a loss to Miami, allowing more than 600 yards. It was enough to earn the Yellow Jackets the coveted No. 5 spot.
Eight teams remain winless this season. Eastern Michigan and Memphis earn a reprieve this week after being off in Week 5. The rest will spend this week in quarantine, treated to the heartfelt crooning of the Bottom 10's favorite Canadian teenage pop star.
A cure might even be forthcoming for Idaho. The Vandals host New Mexico State in the Pillow Fight of the Week.
With apologies to Steve Harvey and Justin Bieber, here is this week's Bottom 10:
|ESPN.com's Bottom 10|
|1.||Idaho||0-5||"Stuck in the Moment": The Vandals wish they could be in any other time, or any other place than the one they're in right now.|
|2.||UMass||0-5||"Never Let You Go": The Bottom 10 isn't ready to let the Minutemen go just yet, even though they came close to their first FBS win against Ohio.|
|3.||Army||0-4||"Catching Feelings": Army didn't catch the offensive bug, nor can it catch a break. In fact, the Black Knights can't catch much of anything, completing only four passes in a 23-3 loss to Stony Brook.|
|4.||Tulane||0-4||"Never Say Never": The Bottom 10 isn't saying Tulane's luck will never turn around, but considering the Green Wave have been outscored 171-32 this season, it's unlikely their 14-game losing streak will come to an end anytime soon.|
|5.||Georgia Tech||2-3||"That Should Be Me": Usually it's the Yellow Jackets running rampant over their opponents. On Saturday, it was Bennie Cunningham, who served as the Blue Raiders' first, second and third option with a 217-yard, five-touchdown performance.|
|6.||Southern Miss||0-4||"Overboard": That wasn't love the Golden Eagles were drowning in Saturday, though there may have been a little sorrow on a rain-soaked night in Hattiesburg. Won't anyone throw Southern Miss a life vest?|
|7.||UAB||0-4||"Up": The Blazers have lost big, lost little, to teams both ranked and unranked. There's nowhere else to go but up, right? Thank goodness for FCS foe Southeastern Louisiana on Saturday.|
|8.||F_U||2-8||"One Less Lonely Girl": Florida Atlantic looked lonely without its Bottom 10 life partner Florida International. After the Panthers lost to Louisiana-Lafayette, their third straight loss, it was only right that they were reunited with the Owls.|
|9.||New Mexico State||1-4||"Eenie Meenie": New Mexico State's lone win came against an FCS opponent. Either the Aggies or Idaho will find the Bottom 10 cure on Saturday.|
|10.||Arkansas||1-4||"Where Are You Now?": Is it too late to reconsider that whole Bobby Petrino thing? The only thing worse than wondering what might have been is watching the Hogs surrender another 50-plus points.|
Waiting list: Akron (1-4); Cal (1-4); Colorado (1-4); Colorado State (1-4); Hawaii (1-3); Kentucky (1-4); Navy (1-3); Norm Chow: QB guru; Ohio State video return policy; Rice (1-4); South Alabama (1-4); Stanford's rush attack vs. Washington; Tackling; Tennessee turnovers; UTEP (1-4); Virginia Tech prevent defense.
Conor Nevins is a college football editor for ESPN.com.
MORE COLLEGE FOOTBALL HEADLINES
- FSU starts No. 1 in preseason coaches' poll
- Florida St. lands Elite 11 QB recruit Francois
- Fired OSU band director was trying to fix culture
- Wake suspends top returning rusher Gibson